(I just had jaw surgery, so I am in the hospital for a few days with a swollen face, and my jaw is wired shut. I really can’t speak. I wake up in the middle of the night. My sister is sleeping in the guest chair, but I can feel the pain easing in on my face, so I decide to hail the nurse using a button on the side of the bed. Instead of the nurse coming to see what I need, she proceeds to use the speaker attachment. You can probably see where this is going.)

Nurse: “Hello, honey, what do you need?”

Me: “…”

Nurse: “What do you need?”

Me: *internal screaming*

(They did eventually come.)

Customer: “I had this great wine at dinner the other night and I’d love to find it again!”

Me: “Okay, great! Do you remember what it’s called?”

Customer: *a bit embarrassed* “Oh, gosh, I don’t.”

Me: *unsurprised* “That’s okay; I’m sure we can find it or something like it! Do you remember what kind of wine it was?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Like a Cabernet, or a Chardonnay, or…”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: *realizing I’m actually stressing them out instead of helping and figuring I’ll go back to basics* “Okay, no worries! Was it a white or a red?”

Customer: “You know, I’m not sure!”

Me: *completely stalled*

(I work at a large discount store. Apple sauce packets can be purchased either individually or by the box. I am buying a large, 24-count box, and have opened it while shopping so my child can eat one pouch as a snack. It is priced by the box, so I am paying the same amount whether one pouch is missing or not. I have folded the four flaps over each other to reclose it before checking out. The cashier then, inexplicably, reopens the box, dumps all the pouches out, and starts scanning them individually.)

Me: “Excuse me; those are sold by the box, not individually.”

Cashier: “Okay.” *continues to scan*

Me: “If you scan each one individually, it is going to take a lot longer, and—”

Cashier: *interrupts* “No, it’s fine. It will be fine.” *continues to scan*

Me: “Ma’am, I’d really rather you didn’t scan it that way, because—”

Cashier: *interrupts again* “It’s all the same. It’s fine doing it like this.”

(I’ve had enough at this point.)

Me: “Ma’am, please stop, and please let me speak. Those pouches are ringing up at $0.99 each. If you ring it up by the 24-count box, it is $13. By scanning each pouch individually, it will cost $24. Please put the pouches back in the box and start over.”

Cashier: “Well, I had no way of knowing that. Now we have to cancel it all, and it might take longer.”

Me: “Yes. I tried to stop you in the beginning, but you didn’t listen. For future reference, things are usually cheaper by the case.”

(Mistakes are no big deal. Everyone makes them. But the bad attitude was totally uncalled for.)

(The store I work at is one of the first in the area to get chip card readers. If the card has a chip, the card scanner won’t allow the customer to swipe. At this point, our store has had the chip card reader for about six months, and we’re still one of the only places to use it. The customer swipes his card and I hear the reader beep.)

Me: “Oh, you have a chip card! Just insert it in the bottom there and leave it until it tells you to take it out.”

Customer: *inserts his card* “You know, I really don’t like this new system. It’s much easier to just swipe.” *he takes his card back out*

Me: “Oh, you didn’t leave it in long enough. Try that again, and it’ll tell you when you can take it out.”

Customer: “Okay, fine.”

(He inserts his card again, and takes it out when the reader asks if he wants cash back.)

Customer: “This process takes too long.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you took your card out too early again. Try again, and it’ll tell you on the screen when you can take your card out, and it’ll beep obnoxiously.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *puts card in and takes it out too early again*

Me: “That was still too early.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. Here.” *hands me a $100 bill*

Me: “All right, out of a hundred.” *I open my till to make change and notice another potential problem* “I’m out of tens and fives, so you’ll be getting a lot of ones. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Whatever! I just want to get out of here.”

(I had to bite my tongue about how if he had just listened to instructions, he’d be gone already.)

(It’s a slow night and I’m the cashier at [National Drug Store Chain]. A woman comes in and walks around for a few minutes on her phone. She eventually comes to the checkout counter with cat litter and a cream-filled chocolate egg. She’s still on the phone.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s $9.79.”

(Still on the phone, not paying attention, she swipes her credit card. The credit card terminal beeps, alerting me that her card is equipped with the chip thing.)

Me: “Go ahead and insert the chip for me.”

(It should be noted for the non-Americans that the chip-reader is a new-fangled thing over here. I know it’s been around for decades elsewhere, but here it’s only been around for a few months and most people still can’t figure it out.)

Customer: *still on phone, inserts chip* “Yeah, I’m here at [Rival National Drugstore Chain across the street] getting kitty litter and chocolate.”

(She is clearly not paying attention to the credit card terminal’s dire warning of “DO NOT REMOVE CARD,” so she removes her card. A man is now standing behind her in line and the computer is not responding, thanks to her idiocy.)

Me: *loudly, so the other customer knows what happened* “Yeah, you removed the card too early, so I have to reboot the computer and wait for the manager to sign me into the other register.” *on intercom* “[Manager] to the front, please.”

(The manager is busy upstairs in the stockroom, so it takes him a solid three minutes to come to the front.)

Customer: *to her phone* “This is unbelievable! The friggin’ cashier at [Rival Drugstore] can’t figure out how to ring me up for these two little things. I’ve been standing here forever.” *she wanders around*

(The manager finally shows up, and I sign in and check out the man behind her in line, since the woman is a good fifteen feet away.)

Me: *loud enough for the woman on the phone to hear* “I’m so sorry for the wait, sir, but some people don’t know how to read stuff like, ‘DO NOT REMOVE YOUR CARD.’”

(The customer was STILL on her phone, but very quietly paid and slunk out.)