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The Beauty Of A One-Track Mind

, , , | Right | February 13, 2008

Me: Thank you for calling [Retail Store], what can I help you with?

Lady: “Yes, I was wondering if you had any TV’s that were in your ad.”

*I remember selling the last one a few moments ago*

Me: “I’m sorry, we have no more left in stock.”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: “Because I sold the last one a few moments ago.”

Lady: “Why would you do something like that? I wanted one.”

Me: “Well thats what we do here, we sell things. We may get some more in tomorrow. You could call tomorrow morning and ask to put one on hold.”

Lady: “Okay, I’d like to do that now.”

Me: “I can’t do that, we don’t have any now. I meant to try again tomorrow.”

Lady: “Okay. The name is Johnson.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have any more of the TV’s that were on sale to put on hold. I don’t understand why you are not grasping that. We have zero TV’s that you want. I have several other models that are not on sale you can choose from.”

Lady: “I would like the one in your ad to be put on hold under my name.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are sold out of that model!”

Lady: “Okay. I’ll come pick it up later today.”

Me: “Ma’am, I sold the last TV before you called!”

Lady: “Why?”

Me: *click*

Singleminded

, , | Right | January 31, 2008

Me: “How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah I’d like a pound of cajun chicken.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry cajun chicken, would you like some buffalo chicken in substitute?”

Customer: “Which cajun chicken do you have?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t serve cajun chicken.”

(My night manager is standing next to me. This guy goes on three more times, calm as can be, demanding cajun chicken.)

Manager: “Sir… we don’t… would you like the Santa Fe chicken?”

Customer: “I’d like the cajun chicken; where is your cajun chicken?”

Me: *facepalm*

Manager: *slices Santa Fe chicken and wishes him a nice day*

Ahh, Youth

, , , | Right | January 31, 2008

(A teen girl walks through security and collects her belongings.)

Teen: “Excuse me, sir, what did you do with my purse?”

Worker: “I’m sure it came through, ma’am, just look around for it.”

Teen: *in a condescending tone* “Sir, I would appreciate it if you would find my purse that went through YOUR machine that YOU lost. That’s your job you know, now reach up in the machine and feel around for it.”

Worker #2: “Umm, your purse is on your arm.”

Teen: “Oh…” *walks away*


This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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Let’s Hope The Covenant Hates Rock ‘n Roll

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2008

(It is around Christmas. To provide some context, we have a display for Guitar Hero 3 set up which, among other things, has a playable guitar, a big huge sign that says GUITAR HERO 3, and a display “case” that has the guitar from the game and the game set up to look real pretty.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what my son wanted, it was something 3… Hylo…”

Me:Halo 3?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have that?”

Me: “Sure, it’s just in the back. Let me go grab a copy.”

(After I go in the back and grab a copy…)

Customer: “Wait a minute, where’s the guitar? I want the one with the guitar.”

Me: “Uh… oh, you must’ve been looking for Guitar Hero 3! I don’t have the one bundled with the guitar right now, but if you already have the guitar you can buy just the game.”

Customer: “No, you do. It’s over here!”

Me: “Oh, really? Where’d you see it?”

(This is Christmas season; things can magically appear from nowhere at a moment’s notice, so I’m not surprised she said that. I follow the customer over, and she points to that clear display I mentioned earlier.)

Customer: “See? You DO have the guitar.”

Me: “No ma’am, that’s just our display just to show you what comes with the box when we have it.”

Customer: “But… I see the game, right here! It’s right here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s just empty. It’s just all there to look nice.”

Customer, flustered: “What’s the difference between Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3, exactly?”

Me, stammering: “Uh… in Halo 3, you shoot aliens, and in Guitar Hero 3, you play rock music.”

Customer: “Oh, he’d want Halo 3, then.”

Me: “Okay, let me go and get that copy for you I left in the back.”

(After grabbing it…)

Customer: “Where’s the guitar?”

(At this point, to spare the readers, I went through the ENTIRE conversation again.)

Customer: “But someone on the phone told us you had the Halo 3 Special Edition.”

Me: “Yes, we do. That’s this in my ha–”

Customer: “So, why aren’t you selling it to me? I want it with the guitar.”

Me: *stifling laughter* “Ma’am, look, I can’t really say it any clearer. We have Halo 3. Halo 3 is not played with a guitar. We do NOT have Guitar Hero 3. Guitar Hero 3 is played with a guitar.”

Customer: “Oh, for god’s sake. We drive all the way here and you people don’t even know what the f*** you’re talking about. I’m going to [Competitor].”

Me: “You do that, ma’am. Have a nice day!”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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Someone Needs To Switch To Decaf

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2008

(I’m at the front bar of a certain coffee shop, in the middle of making a caramel macchiato. An old, angry, hovering customer approaches me.)

Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel; I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?! I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a d*** coffee made right!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink. What did you have today?”

Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times; you were standing there the whole time.”

Customer: “You should have called louder!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling. I figured it was loud enough. Well, there you are, have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY F****** MOVIE!”

Another Customer: “You get the evilest people here, don’t you?”

Me: “LA’s finest. Here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”


This story is part of our Allergic To Common Sense roundup!

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