A coworker was getting married, so everyone in the office pitched in to get gift cards for him and his new wife. As the big day approached, I gave the money we had collected to the coworkers’ boss, an IT guy with his head in the clouds, with clear instructions to buy gift cards to Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

We took the coworker out for drinks a few days before his wedding and presented him with his gift. I couldn’t understand a puzzled look on his face until I realized that his boss had gotten him $200 worth of gift cards to Bath and Body Works.

Close… but so far away.

(Since many people use Fandango for their ticketing needs, we keep a copy of the Fandango support number at the box office to give to guests who need assistance with the site; since it is a different corporate entity, we have absolutely no control over Fandango and cannot do much to help people having problems with the site. The following conversation is one I had recently over the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I ordered two tickets on Fandango, but I ordered them for the wrong theater. I need you to change them for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. If you have a pen and paper ready, I can give you Fandango’s ticketing support hotline and they should be able to sort that out for you.”

Customer: “No. I just want you to fix it. I just spent like $30 on tickets. I need you to change them to your location on Fandango, or give me my money back now.”

Me: “Unfortunately, Fandango is a third party in this matter, so I really have no control over the situation. If you’d like, I can give you the ticketing support hotline for them, though, and they should be able to fix it.”

Customer: *getting aggressive* “How f****** hard can it be for you to do what I’m asking? Refund my Fandango or change the tickets. Now.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but as I said, because Fandango is a third party, I have no control over the matter.”

Customer: “Well, isn’t that f****** convenient for you? What am I supposed to do? I’m down thirty dollars!”

Me: “Well, as I suggested, I can give you their ticketing support number, and they should be able to fix it for you.”

Customer: “So, you want me to call another number?”

Me: “Yes, unfortunately, that’s the only solution I can offer at this point.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not worth my time!” *click*

(Too many people don’t understand that services like Fandango are not operated by the theaters. And sadly… even more don’t seem to understand that Fandango gift cards are only for use online. Nothing like having a dude almost punch you in the face in front of his screaming children because he thought he could pay for his $40 concession purchase with a Fandango card, but that’s a story for another time.)

This story is from my girlfriend’s mom. One time she went on vacation and hired a neighbourhood girl to house-sit while she was gone. During their trip, she and her friend picked out a cute t-shirt with a maple leaf pattern as a thank-you gift for the girl. Upon their return, she went to the girl’s house and was greeted by her mother. She told her how much she appreciated her daughter looking after her house while she was away, and asked her to give her the shirt. Her mother sternly told her that it was not appropriate, and refused to accept the shirt.

Confused, she went back home and told her own daughter what had happened, asking why such a kind gesture would have been met with such hostility, holding the shirt out to her.

My girlfriend then had to explain to her that the print was not, in fact, “cute maple leaves.” It was marijuana leaves.

I’m in a theater’s restroom, about to wash my hands. A movie has just ended, so the restroom is packed and loud with guys talking, water running, toilets flushing, paper towel dispensers whirring, and hand dryers going off. It’s almost chaos with how busy it is.

There’s a man, probably in his seventies, two sinks to my right. He already has soap in his hands as he side-steps to the sink next to me.

I start washing my hands, and I see the gentleman stick his hands under the water nozzle, but nothing happens. I notice he looks at the sink I’m using, and seems frustrated also seeing the sink to the right — the one he just walked away from — now working.

He shoves his hands under the water nozzle once more, but the water still won’t come out.

I wait a few beats for him to figure it out, as I don’t want to make him feel foolish.

Then, without a word, I reach my hand over and turn the large handle for the water on.

The man immediately guffaws and, blushing furiously, says, “I can’t believe it! I’m so used to those automatic sinks!”

We both have a good laugh, especially when he points out that he’ll use the paper towels instead of automatic hand dryers!

(This is an actual conversation I had on the phone.)

Me: “Hello?”

Representative: “Hello. I’d like to help you save money on your car insurance! Is this a good time to talk?”

Me: “I don’t own a car; please take me off of your list.”

Representative: “But I can save you a lot of money on your insurance.”

Me: “No, you didn’t listen. I don’t own a car; therefore. I don’t have or need car insurance. Please take me off of your list.”

Representative: “But I can save you a lot of money.”

(We repeat this whole thing way too many times. Finally. I am furious.)

Me: “LISTEN TO ME! I have a medical condition that makes it impossible for me to drive a car. That means that I do not own a car. That further means that I do not have or need car insurance. Do not call me again!”

(I hung up. Literally one minute later they called back! Luckily, it was a different rep who actually listened.)