Slices Of Confusion

, , , , , | Working | June 12, 2017

(My husband, toddler, and I are staying in a hotel adjacent to a well-known party street. It is about eight pm on a weeknight, and the area is starting to get busy but not crazy yet, so we decide to walk over to a nearby pizza shop to get a few slices to take back to the hotel. Again, we are stone-cold sober and have a toddler with us.)

Me: “Could I get a [Slice #1] and a [Slice #2], please?”

Pizza Girl: “Sure thing.” *Grabs [Slice #2] to put in oven, but not [Slice #1]*

Me: “Oh, I need a [Slice #1] too, please.”

Pizza Girl: *annoyed* “I got it.” *grabs a [Slice #1] to put in the oven and says to Cashier* “[Slice #1] and a [Slice #2].”

Cashier: “That’ll be [amount].”

Me: “Oh, I’m paying for [Husband], too.” *gesture to my husband and toddler, who are still standing by the pizza display and have not yet ordered*

Cashier: *annoyed* “It’s [same amount].”

Me: *confused* “For four slices?”

Cashier: “Wait, what?” *turns to Pizza Girl who is getting my slices out of the oven* “She’s getting four slices?”

(It finally dawns on Pizza Girl that my husband might like to order, and she takes his order while Cashier rings me up for all four slices. Pizza Girl then hands us each two flimsy paper plates with huge slices of pizza on them, which we’ll obviously need to somehow manage to walk somewhere with while holding a toddler, as there is no dining area.)

Husband: “Could we get a couple extra plates, please? We need to walk back to our hotel with these.”

Pizza Girl: “Oh, would you like boxes?”

Me: *wondering why they wouldn’t think to offer these before* “Yes, please.”

(Seriously, if four slices of pizza was that much trouble for them, I’d hate to see what a mess that place is at two am!)

Multiple Email Fails

, , , , | Working | June 11, 2017

(I am a communications specialist for a major university. We help faculty and staff update their websites, put out press releases, etc. The start of each semester is always very busy, so we get stretched thin as people panic. Sometimes it’s hard to get everyone on the same page…)

Staff Director: “We need our website updated TODAY with new content. Urgent.”

IT: “Thank you; someone will respond to you soon.” *to my colleague* “Here is the request. It’s for [URL].”

Colleague: *copying me* “My docket’s full today; have [My Name] do it.”

Me: “I can do this, but what is the content? I didn’t get any attachment.”

(No response.)

Staff Director: *emailing an hour after the initial request* “Please update me. This is urgent.”

Colleague: “[My Name], the request is in the email. It’s for [URL].”

Me: *to colleague* “But what is the content they want added? Could someone forward it to me?” *to Staff Director* “Hi, what do you need updated on the website?”

Colleague: *now copying IT* “It’s in the email.”

Me: *to Colleague and IT* “Was there an attachment with the content? It didn’t come through to me.”

IT: “[My Name], go to [URL]. You have access.”

Colleague: *in separate email* “It’s in the email. IT says you have access to edit the website.”

Me: “I know I do, but what am I putting up? There’s nothing in the email.”

(An hour passes. No response from anyone, until…)

Colleague: “Is this done yet? I can’t do it today. Just read the email. You have access to edit their website.”

Me: “What am I editing?!”

Staff Director: *two hours later* “Hi, [My Name], thanks for emailing. Please post immediately. This is urgent.”

(I finally got the document they wanted “urgently” to be put on their website. It takes only a couple of minutes to do so. An hour later…)

Supervisor: “Hey, could one of you handle this? It’s urgent.”

(It’s the same request.)

Me: *emailing everyone at once* “Yes, this one is done.”

Colleague: *responding to my email* “[My Name], everything you need is in the email. Just contact [Staff Director] to find out what the information is.”

Me: *head-desk*

Hoping It Was Just An Act

, , , , , , | Learning | June 11, 2017

At the school I went to, we were required to take either speech class or acting class in order to graduate. I decided to go with acting. I quickly realize I’m going to have serious problems, because the teacher speaks in half-sentences and expects people to know what she means. I can’t decipher the homework instructions and get yelled at if I ask for clarification. She even seems to develop a special dislike towards me. If another member of my team forgets a line, I get yelled at for it. Etc.

One day, we are performing a comedy skit. My entire team nails it! I’m playing the central role, and we get laughs from the whole class. At the post-performance critique, the teacher even praises some of my improvised lines.

The next day, the teacher scolds me, in front of the whole class, for being absent on the day my team performed! All six people I worked with have to vouch for the fact that I was there. She eventually relents, but gives me a bad grade for the project because she says my performance must have been lousy if she can’t remember me being there.

I ended up failing that class. The same teacher taught speech, and I couldn’t cope with the idea of having to deal with her again. Because it was a graduation requirement, I actually had to get a GED instead of graduating.

Credit Of The Dead

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2017

(My mother was big into mail ordering. When she died suddenly, my sisters and I were trying to clear up her affairs. A package was delivered about two weeks later, and I call the mail order house.)

Me: “We just received a package from you that my mother ordered shortly before her death. I’d like to return it for a refund, please.”

Customer Service Rep: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear about your loss. Can I issue a credit?”

Me: “No, I’d like a refund check made out to my mother’s estate.”

Customer Service Rep: “Well, we’d prefer to issue a credit.”

Me: “Did you hear me tell you that this person is dead? She’s probably not going to order too much more from you.”

Customer Service Rep: “I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to my supervisor.”

Me: “Well, unless he can bring her back, I’ll have to insist on a refund.”

(I eventually did receive a refund check.)

Will Stick Those Solar Panels Where The Sun Don’t Shine

, , , , , | Working | June 9, 2017

(I’m a manager, and I’ve just transferred from a stand-alone store (with a drive-thru and a dining room) to one located within a shopping centre food court. It’s the middle of our busiest half hour of the day, as the local school kids come for lunch when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Location], [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello there. How are you this afternoon?”

Me: “Well, thank you. How are you?”

Caller: “Thank you so much for asking. I’m well, too!”

Me: “I’m glad to hear…” *at this point wondering if this is a prank call*

Caller: “By the way, my name is [Caller] and I’m calling from [Solar Panel Company].”

(At this point I recognise the script, having taken these calls almost daily at my old location, On average it would take about five minutes to convince the caller that I can’t agree to install solar panels on our roof, and that anything like that is decided by our corporate offices.)

Me: “Listen, I’m going to stop you right there.”

Caller: *continues with script about government rebates*

Me: “Listen! You’ve called a store located within a food court. You need to do some research before calling random businesses. I do not own the roof or the building. Please do not call this number again.” *hangs up*

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