Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3

, , | Right | September 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I want the chocolate ice cream.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: “I want the size that fits in the waffle cone.”

Me: “All of our sizes will fit in the waffles.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “The one that comes in a waffle cone.”

Me: “We can put any of the sizes in the waffles.”

Customer: *pause* “Will the small fit in the waffle cone?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “What about the medium?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And the large?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: *longer pause* “So, if I get the medium, can you put it in a waffle cone?”

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Lost Within A Hundred Feet Of Paradise

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Guest: “I need you to put [Theme Park] into my GPS.”

Me: “Sir, it’s right around the corner. We even have a free shuttle that’ll take you over.”

Guest: “No, I want to DRIVE. Just put the coordinates into my GPS.”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s probably already a landmark in your GPS, but as I said, you just have to go out of the parking lot and turn right. The parking structure is just across the way there.”

Guest: “I need exact directions! Put the location into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, it’s already in your GPS. If you’d like, I can also provide you with a map. See?”

(I show him a pre-printed paper map that indicates the parking structure is literally across the street.)

Guest: “I want the park put into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I promise you that the park is in your GPS already, unless it’s a very cheap unit.”

Guest: “It came with my BMW rental!”

Me: “Then it’s in there, I promise you.”

Guest: “No, it’s not! Come out to my car and put it in!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t leave the desk, but if you bring the unit in, I will find the location for you.”

Guest: “Fine!”

(He leaves, and then returns with a high-end GPS unit.)

Guest: “Here!”

(I take the unit and call up the landmarks menu. Sure enough, there’s the park.)

Me: “Here it is, sir.”

Guest: *looks at the GPS unit* “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS AROUND THE D*** CORNER?!”

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Light Food For Light Thinkers

, , | Right | September 18, 2009

(My table has just ordered our unlimited soup and salad.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll go ahead a put this in for you and be right back with your salad and bread.”

Customer: “So, where is y’alls salad bar?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: *speaking slowly* “The sal-ad ba-ar. Where is it?”

Me: “Um, we don’t have a salad bar, sir. I bring it to your table.”

Customer: “You bring the salad bar to the table?.”

Me: “No, sir, I bring out a bowl of salad for everyone at the table to share.”

Customer: “So, it’s not endless?”

Me: “Yes, it still is endless, I bring out as much salad as you want.”

Customer: “How you gonna know how much I want?”

Me: “I bring out as many bowls as you tell me to bring.”

Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to know how many to tell you when I don’t even know how much is in one?”

Me: “After I bring out the first bowl, you can tell me if you’d like some more.”

Customer: “But I want all my salad now!”

Me: “We don’t bring out all the salad at once so you get the freshest product possible.”

Customer: “But I want it now.”

Me: “As soon as I go back to the kitchen, I can bring it out for you.”

Customer: “But I want it now!”

Me: “So, I’ll go and get it for you.”

(As I finally walk away, I heard him say to this to his wife, “So, where’s my salad?”)

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Living A Vanilla Kind Of Life

, | Right | August 18, 2009

Me: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a small cone.”

Me: “A small cone with what kind of ice cream?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “But, what kind?”

Customer: “A small scoop!”

Me: “But what flavor?!”

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t know I had that option.”


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A Runaway Train Of Thought

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2009

(A caller phones into our car rental company looking for a vehicle, but we’re sold out in every nearby location.)

Caller: “Why aren’t there any cars for me? Everyone I ask tells me they’re out of cars!”

Me: “We’ve been having a hard time keeping a hold on any cars with this tourist season.”

Caller: “Terrorism?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the tourist season. It’s been a really big push into your area lately, so Florida’s swamped.”

Caller: “Everyone’s been blaming the terrorists today. Why are we all letting the terrorists win?” *begins sobbing*

Me: “Ma’am, it’s tourists, not terrorists.”

Caller: “I’m an American! In America! Why are we letting them ruin my life? We can’t let these terrorists win!” *continues sobbing for a moment and then hangs up*

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