I work in a money exchange office. We’ve just installed an ATM outside, but it’s not functioning yet. Of course, we covered the entire screen with an “OUT OF ORDER” sign. I notice a woman pushing buttons and the card slot. Then, she turns back to me, looking lost, and she keeps pushing the buttons on the ATM.

Customer: *Screaming* “Where is my card? It stole my card; why is it not giving it back?!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but why did you insert a card into a clearly out-of-order machine? Didn’t you look at the screen before you put your card in?”

She keeps pushing the buttons randomly and, finally, the machine gives the card back. After a few minutes, another woman runs toward the machine with a credit card, ready to put it into the machine.

Colleague: “Ma’am, wait! Don’t insert your credit card there!”

Customer #2: *Surprised* “Why? Is it not working?”

I ended up covering even the card slot with another “out of order” sign.

I’m working the breakfast shift at a hotel restaurant. As host, my job is to show people to tables and explain to them that it is a serve-yourself, all-you-can-eat buffet. I do this with a man and his family before leaving them to attend to other customers. After ten minutes, the man storms up to me angrily as I am speaking to another guest.

Male Guest: “Excuse me! This is terrible service. You’ve just ignored me and my family to talk to other people! I’m a guest in this hotel. I’m staying here for another fortnight. Show me some respect!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Male Guest: “We’ve been ready to order for ten minutes and you haven’t been back!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but perhaps you misheard me before. This is a self-service buffet, which means you can go up and help yourself to the food and drink at the counter. There are a few specialty items available to order from the kitchen, such as vegetarian sausages and omelettes.”

Male Guest: *Huffs* “We want two Full English breakfasts, some cornflakes for the kids, two coffees and some orange juice.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you quite understand. I can place an order for specialty items that we don’t cook a large amount of or those that take time to prepare, but normal items such as drinks, cereals, and those found in an English breakfast are over there, on the buffet.”

I gesture to the buffet.

Male Guest: “How was I supposed to know that?!”

Even without my two explanations and the fact that this is outlined in the breakfast menu, during all this time, other people have been getting up and walking over to help themselves and returning to their tables with plates of food.

Male Guest: “This is outrageous! I have to walk to get my own food? I might as well be at home! You—” *points to me* “—get me and my wife two coffees; I’m not standing for this level of service!”

Exasperated, and seeing that several other families are waiting for me to seat them, I open my mouth to explain to him that it is not my job to make his coffee, when the guest I was seating before the interruption pipes up.

Female Guest: “Hey, fat-a**! Leave the poor girl alone and get your own food! You could do with the exercise, you pompous a**! Why don’t you try looking after 200 people by yourself and see if you have time to pour coffee for all of them, as well?”

Around us, people started to chuckle, and the man’s family looked embarrassed. He turned away from me and sat down, and I thanked the woman discreetly. The man and his family sat for a few minutes and then left without going to the buffet once, even though they’d paid for the breakfast. After they’d left, I made a second coffee for the woman who stood up for me and brought it over to her table anyway, as a thank-you!

I work in a children’s toy store in Los Angeles. A customer calls in at one of our locations for a so-called “blind box” item.

Customer: “I’m looking for [item] but can’t find it anywhere; do you guys carry it?”

Me: “I don’t have any in stock at this location, but let me check our inventory.” *Checks* “We only have the item at our Santa Monica store.”

Customer: “Oh, um, I’m in Orange County, though. That’s too far. I collect these and I need three. Is there any way we can have them sent to me?”

Me: “Well, our shipping is quite expensive, but we have a store in Costa Mesa. I can have the item shipped there at no cost to you, if I can get your name and number.”

Customer: “Oh, why do you need that? Can’t you just tell me when they come in?”

Me: “Ma’am, we take your name and number so that we can call you and tell you when the item comes in. What’s your name?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s [Customer]. But do I have to give you my number? Can you just post it on your Facebook?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Our Facebook page is for store advertisements and weekly sale announcements. We conduct no other business through that channel, only online or in person. But, as I said, we only have this item at one store so I would have to have it transferred for you. What was your telephone number?”

Customer: “Um… I’m not sure I want to give you that information. I don’t want to get spam calls or emails from you.”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you. We do not make phone calls to advertise; we would only have an employee call you to let you know when your item has arrived at the Costa Mesa location so that you can pick it up.”

Customer: “Well, how do I know I’ll get the one I want, and when it’ll come in?”

Me: “It should be in this Wednesday, but it could take as long as a week or ten days to get in, as the Costa Mesa store receives their weekly shipments on Wednesday. Again, though, we absolutely would call you as soon as the item arrived at that store.”

Customer: “Okay, but I collect these and am only missing three. How do I know I’ll get the one I want?”

Me: “As you know, since you collect them, this item is what’s referred to as a ‘Blind Box,’ meaning there is no way of knowing which character you’ll get.”

Customer: “But I’ve seen the other [Brand] items at the Costa Mesa store. They display them.”

Me: “Yes, for the four-inch blind box figures, we often open them and put a limited number on display, for trade. However, with the keychains, we have no way to neatly display all of them so we only open one or two as samples, so people who don’t know what they are can check out what they’re buying.”

Customer: “So, why can new people see what they’re getting and not me? I collect them already.”

Facepalming, I roll my eyes and take a deep breath.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I think I misspoke. Other customers do not get to find out which ones they are buying. They are still blind boxes. They just get to see the one or two samples we put out. There is no way to discover which character is in which box.”

Customer: “But you said you display them, and I’ve seen it at the Costa Mesa store.”

Me: “Those are the four-inch blind boxes and we open them for ease of display. With the keychain blind-boxes, it is much more difficult to open and display them, so we don’t do that. However, did you still want me to have the item transferred to the location that is closer to you?”

Customer: “I guess so, but I’ve seen them displayed there. It’s funny you wouldn’t display them there, too.”

Me: “I don’t have any of that item in stock, ma’am. I’ve never displayed any of them here. But let me get your telephone number, and I will put that order through for you so that you can pick up the item when it’s in.”

Customer: “No. I’ll just check later this week at Costa Mesa, thank you.”

Me: “Ma’am, that store doesn’t have any of that item in stock. I would have to have it transferred in your name as a customer request to guarantee you get the item.”

Customer: “They get shipments, don’t they?”

Me: “Yes, on Wednesdays, but sometimes it takes longer to get some items to certain of our stores because of the distance from our warehouse and the limited number of delivery vans that we employ. The only way to guarantee the item gets in by this, or possibly next, Wednesday is to have the item transferred from our store in Santa Monica, in your name.”

Customer: “Okay, then, do that.”

Me: “All right, [Customer], let’s go ahead and get your telephone number and I will call Santa Monica to have them complete the order!”

Customer: “I don’t want spam phone calls; I know how telemarketing works. Thanks, anyway.”

The customer hung up. I howled in frustration.

A customer received an online gift card reimbursement but is having trouble accessing it through his email. I give him a number for actual customer service that could help him solve this problem.

Customer: “Okay, thank you, sir. I hate to bother you further, but is there any information you can give me to speed this up? I’m at the store right now and they don’t know anything about what to do.”

Me: “I definitely understand your concern with that, but at this point, that number for [Retail Company]’s customer service can better assist you since this would be a gift card for their store.”

Customer: “Okay, I understand, but is there anything I could give them to get this done now?”

Me: “I have no kind of information like that. If you’re having a problem accessing the card, this number I gave you will help solve that problem for you.”

The customer proceeds to ask that same question five more times. I tell him five different ways to call that number.

Me: “Sir, I have no other way to communicate to you what you need to do other than hang up the phone and call the number I gave you. I have no information to help you access your card because it is not a gift card from us; it’s a gift card from [Retail Company] and they can help you access it since it goes through their system.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, have a good day.”

Me: “You, as well.”

Customer: “So, what information would they need from me to get this done today?”

I told him I didn’t know and then proceeded to bang my head against my desk after muting my phone.

A customer buys four different packs of cigarettes and uses two different cards to pay for them. She wants the first one rung up on a debit card but she can’t remember her PIN. By the time she remembers it and uses her credit card, I have a line six customers deep behind her.

She hands one packet of cigarettes to the woman with her, puts the other three packs in her purse, and then leaves. About half an hour later, she calls the store.

Customer: “I was there a little while ago and bought four packs of cigarettes, but I only have three!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you gave one pack to the person that was with you.”

Customer: “I know that. I have two packs; she has one pack! I want my other pack!”

Me: “Ma’am, there aren’t any packs that were left behind.”

Customer: *Yelling* “I want my other pack of cigarettes!”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, but you gave one pack to the woman you were with and put three packs in your purse.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Me: “Okay, here she is.”

Manager: *After listening* “I will check our tapes and call you back.”

In the video, my manager sees me grab all the cigarettes but can’t tell what the woman put in her purse, so she decides to call the woman back and tell her we’ll just give her a new pack. This takes all of ten minutes. My manager gets the woman’s voicemail. Fifteen minutes later, the woman calls back and my manager answers.

Manager: “Yes, I tried to call you back, but it went to voicemail.”

Customer: “I don’t have any missed calls. Anyway, I found my other pack in my car so it’s fine now.”

Manager: “Oh, okay, good. Thank you for calling.”

Customer: “Uh-huh, bye.”

No apology for being a jerk, just “bye.”