Me: “Good afternoon, [Store]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Now, listen. I have had a two-year contract with you since [specific date], so it has run out, but you are still charging me!”

Me: “Okay, do you want to end the connection?”

Customer: “Of course, I want to end the connection. I only signed up for two years!”

Me: “Okay, I see what you mean. The two years is a minimum term; to end the contract you need to give us thirty days’ notice.”

Customer: “No, no, no, no, I don’t. That is absolute rubbish.”

Me: “I’m afraid it isn’t, ma’am. It is clearly stated in the terms—”

Customer: “No, it is not. The only mention of thirty days’ notice is when you want to cancel early. You are talking complete rubbish, and frankly, I have had enough of [Company]’s horrendous service. Every time I speak to you people on the phone or go into your shop, I get nothing but bad attitudes and no care whatsoever!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you feel that way, ma’am, but unfortunately, that is the process as it stands right now.”

Customer: “You are giving me nothing but lies now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t lie to my customers. I am actually very proud of the quality of service I give to anyone I speak to at work.”

Customer: “More rubbish! Now, listen to me. I have been a customer of yours for fifteen years!”

We haven’t been trading for fifteen years.

Customer: “I demand to have this situation resolved now!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said, the only way to disconnect the device is—”

Customer: “I am fed up with your rubbish. I demand you put me through to your head office right now!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I haven’t got a way of transferring your call, and we don’t have a direct line for them, either.”

Customer: “You had best find one now, because I mean to tell them all about how [Store] are a pack of thieves and liars. I will take names, as well, please.”

Me: “My name is [My Name], and I can give you the postal address for head office if that’s okay?”

Customer: “Well, it will have to be, and who else is part of this scam?”

Me: “Without seeing the paperwork for your connection, I won’t be able to give you any other names, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Looks like all of this will land on your shoulders, then. Now, here’s what is going to happen: I am going to the bank and cancelling my direct debit, and I’m writing to your head office to tell them how in fifteen years of being a customer, I haven’t once been treated well!”

Me: “I must tell you that if you cancel the direct debit without informing us you are giving notice, you will take on extra charges, and the matter could get handed to a debt collector.”

Customer: “Are you threatening me now?”

Me: “No, ma’am, just letting you know how the situation will be managed from the company’s end.”

Customer: “You people are truly disgusting! I’m an elderly woman and you would send bailiffs round to take all of my belongings because you conned me?!”

Me: “Again, it is part of the terms of the contract you signed. Please make sure, if you do write to our head office, to mention that you will cancel the direct debit without giving us notice. I’ll give you the address now.”

The address was given and the customer slammed the phone down on me. I walked straight over to some existing customers who had come to see me specifically because of the service they received in the past.

We get four weeks of paid vacation leave every year. One of my coworkers always puts in for time off during school breaks, including over Christmas. Our manager doesn’t pay attention to how much time off she gets but realises just as he’s about to take his leave that he authorised her time off even though she no longer had any leave time left. He gives her the choice of going without pay or not having the break. He also authorised it for when he was away, leaving us short-handed. 

I get a phone call from the coworker.

Coworker: “I got short paid this week. Can you find out why?”

Me: “You are on vacation without pay; [Manager] told you.”

Coworker: *Shrilly* “What do you mean, ‘without pay’? I need to get paid my holiday pay.”

Me: “You’ve used up all of your paid holiday time. [Manager] told you and you agreed that you would take the rest of this break without pay.”

Coworker: “I don’t remember him saying that. I need my pay.”

Me: “I was there when he told you. You’ve already taken four weeks off this year and then you’re taking the next two weeks off, as well. You don’t get paid for them.”

Coworker: “That’s not fair! I need to be paid!”

Me: “You’ll need to talk to [Manager] when he gets back in three weeks.”

Coworker: “THREE WEEKS?”

Me: “Yep. Bye. I have to go.”

I have just had a flu shot. As I have a fear of needles, I tend to get quite dizzy and sweaty beforehand, and it takes me a couple of minutes for me to recover afterward. I’m sitting in a chair when the woman who gave me the shot comes over. 

Woman: “You didn’t say you were allergic to eggs?”

Me: “I’m not.”

Woman: “Well, you are. It’s very stupid that you didn’t tell the truth. Now I’m going to have to phone for an ambulance.”

Me: “No, I’m just feeling a bit sickly. I’m not allergic to eggs.”

She is already on the phone talking to someone saying “how stupid” I am. By the time an ambulance arrives, I’m already better and trying to leave, but the woman is refusing to let me. When the paramedics come in, I’m forced onto a gurney while the woman talks over me.

Paramedic: “Okay, the pharmacist says you have an egg allergy. Did you know before having your shot?”

Me: “I do not have an egg allergy!”

Paramedic: “Are you certain?”

Me: “Do I look like I’m having a reaction? I’ve had these shots every year of my life, and if you don’t believe me, I had three eggs in the cafe next door for breakfast. Ask them!”

The paramedic checked me over just to be sure before leaving. I was left alone with the woman. She tutted at me and disappeared through a door. I’m never going back.

A man comes through my line with organic eggs. I ring it up.

Customer: “That’s not the right price. These eggs should be a dollar sixty-nine.”

That is the price for the cheap eggs.

Me: “These aren’t the [Cheap Brand]; these are the organic eggs, sir.”

I call over the management because I figure it is going to get complicated. We all know it is the right price, but we go through all the motions and the manager goes to check it. While they’re double-checking the price, the customer persists.

Customer: “I know the price; they were a dollar sixty-nine. I am a mathematical genius.”

I didn’t say it, but I thought to myself, “You might be a mathematical genius, but you sure as h*** can’t read.”

Customer: “Hello, I need a passport photograph.”

Me: “Certainly, if you would come right this way.”

We go over and enter the tiny photography studio. The customer is looking DIRECTLY at the white wall in the back, behind the stool where we will take the photograph.

Customer: “The photograph needs to have a white background.”

I am trying my hardest not to sound sarcastic.

Me: “We’ll see what we can do.”