We have a house phone that sometimes gets calls from telemarketers, but our bank periodically calls on it about our legit banking information, so whenever I get a telemarketer, I give them the benefit of the doubt before messing with them.

For reference, my father has a couple of credit cards but are all rarely used and paid off.

Caller: “Hello, this call is a limited time offer about your credit card and we’d like to inquire about some new features we are contemplating on adding. Would you be willing to answer a few questions?”

Me: “Sure, but for which card?”

Caller: “I’d just like to ask a few questions, please; it should only take five minutes.”

Me: “And I’m happy to oblige. I just need to know which credit card this would apply to.”

The caller’s voice is getting gruffer with irritation.

Caller: “I said we need you to answer some questions.”

I’ve already realized it’s a scam and I’m just having fun being as sugary sweet as possible.

Me: “And I’ve agreed. I just need to know which credit card you’re talking about so I can give you the best answers possible. Don’t you use different cards for different purposes?”

Caller: “Ma’am, if you will not cooperate, I will have to terminate this call.”

Me: “No, no, please. I just want to be as helpful as poss—”

Caller: “THAT’S. IT. GOOD-BYE!”

He hung up hard enough that the receiver made a loud, unhappy sound.

I work at a clinic where we frequently send people for surgery. Sometimes we send people to the hospital for emergency surgery right from the clinic, but most often, we have their surgery scheduled anywhere between a week from when we saw them up to a few months in the future. 

In these cases, we give the patient a quick explanation of the paperwork they need to fill out, as well as how the process works. When we are able to tell patients what day their surgery will be, we explain that we get the time for their surgery right from the hospital but we won’t get that information until the day before their surgery day.

One day, I am answering phones at work when I get the following call.

Caller: “Hi, I was just at the clinic and they said my dad is going to have surgery on [date], but they didn’t give us the time!” *Laughs*

Me: “We always call patients the day before their surgery in the afternoon to inform them of their surgery time.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s what the girl at the desk said.”

Me: “…”

I get that people are a little nervous and preoccupied when they are told they will need to have surgery. However, we get calls like this every single day! Some people just don’t listen, I guess.

I work in a big chain supermarket in the UK and overhear this far-too-frequent situation. Due to the current lockdown, there is a one-way system in place: the queue of customers waiting at the top end of the checkouts are being directed to either a checkout or the self-service machine.

A woman is in front with a big trolley of shopping and there’s a man behind with a basket. The woman has a scan-as-you-shop device, so my coworker tells her to wait for the scan-as-you-shop till at the self-service area to become free.

My coworker speaks to the second customer in the queue:

Coworker: “Okay, do you want to go to checkout sixteen, please?”

Male Customer: “No, thank you.”

Coworker: “Okay, do you want to go to self-service?”

Male Customer: “No, thanks.”

Coworker: “Then where do you want to go?”

Male Customer: “A normal checkout!”

Coworker: “Checkout sixteen, then, please.”

Male Customer: “Thank you.”

This has become a common occurrence recently.

Some time ago, the UK switched its £5 and £10 notes from paper to plastic. Most people are indifferent to the change, but some are very vocal about how much they hate the new plastic notes. I get at least three customers a day complaining about them, but this one stands out.

Customer: “I f****** hate these new plastic notes.”

The note in question was a £20 note. Still paper.

I am fortunate enough to work with talented, fun, hard-working people I consider friends, but like all friends, some of them drive me a little insane. One of the worst is a guy who never listens to anything.

Coworker: “This program is a pain. How am I even supposed to [do a thing]?”

Me: “That’s weird. The tutorial covers that. Did it not display for you?”

Coworker: “I just clicked through it.”

Me: “Okay… Well, hit ‘enter’ to go to the menu.”

Coworker: *Sounding annoyed* “But how do I go to the menu?”

Me: *Pause* “Hit ‘enter.’”

Later, in an email:

Me: “Hey, [Coworker]! I’m working on a promo with [Client], just so you know. I’m going to rope in [Artist] to do the images for it.”

Coworker: “Have you thought about using [Exact Same Artist I Just Mentioned]?”

Me: “That was the second sentence of that email.”

Coworker: “Oh, well, I didn’t read that far.”

Even later-er:

Coworker: “Hey, what are we doing for our launch today?”

I email him a list of items.

Coworker: “But what about [very first item on the list, I’m not even kidding]?”

Me: “You’re lucky you’re my friend.”

He’s a great coworker and friend except for this, and it wouldn’t be an issue if it didn’t happen all the time, and if he wasn’t such a butt when the same thing happened to him.

Me: “I gave [Other Coworker] your new phone number.”

Coworker: “I gave it to him yesterday! I even wrote it down.”

Me: “I know; he couldn’t find the paper when he went to add you to his contacts.”

Coworker: “Ugh, I hate repeating myself! People need to pay more attention to the details.”

Sigh. Love you, buddy.