Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , | Right | January 28, 2008

Customer: “Do you serve crab cakes?”

Boss: “This is a hot dog stand.”

Customer: “So do you sell crab cakes?”

Boss: “We sell hot dogs, chips, and soda.”

Customer: “So do you have crab cakes?”

Boss: “No, we sell hot dogs, chips, and soda. Not crab cakes. Try a different stand.”

Customer: “How can you not have crab cakes! This is Tall Ships! Everyone has crab cakes!”

Boss: “Well, not us. Now there is an awfully long line behind you so can you please move along?”

Me: “Can I help the next person?”

Customer: “HEY I AM THE CURRENT CUSTOMER! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOU DON’T HAVE CRAB CAKES!”

Me: “Look around you, sir. There are seven people behind you, behind me, there are people making hot dogs, sausage, and peppers. Behind you, there is a crab cake stand. If you aren’t going to buy something other than hot dogs, please take your business somewhere else.”

Customer: “I’M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE! YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS!” *storms off*

Boss: “I don’t know what the hell was wrong with him, but if he talks to you like that again, I’m going to kick his a**.”

Me: *happy I have an awesome boss* “Thanks.”

Related:
Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

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Fonts Gone Wild

, , | Right | January 15, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support], how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I need a new computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry? You need a new computer?”

Customer: “Yeah, I just bought this one and it’s no good, it’s been hacked!”

Me: “This is software support. We can’t replace your hardware, but if you describe the problems you’re having I can try to help you fix them.”

Customer: *irritated and sighing* “Some f****** hacker broke into my computer and put dirty words everywhere! Now I can’t even let my kids use the computer for their homework, because of the obscene language that randomly pops up on the screen!”

Me: “Sounds like a virus, do you have an anti-virus installed?”

Customer: “I have McAfee and I already tried that TEN TIMES! It didn’t even find anything! Everything on this computer is just worthless and I’m sick of–”

Me: “Okay, sir, please calm down so I can help you. Can you tell me where you are seeing dirty words?”

Customer: “In AOL instant messenger and WordPad. Every time I open one of them it says “ASSHOLE” on the screen!”

Me: “Where?”

Customer: “I don’t know, why does that matter?”

Me: “I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with your machine, sir. Can you please open WordPad or AIM and tell me where you see that word?”

Customer: *grumbling* “I’m opening instant messenger- there it is! It’s not ‘asshole’ though, it’s ‘anal’- same thing! How do I get rid of this?!”

Me: “Where does it say ‘anal’?”

Customer: “When I click on my friend’s name and the box pops up, it says ‘anal’ right above where you type!”

Me: “Are you sure it says ‘anal’ and not ‘arial’?

Customer: “What the hell is ‘arial’?”

Me: “It’s a font sir; it’s spelled A-R-I-A-L.”

(At this point the customer went silent for about fifteen seconds, and then hung up the phone.)

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A Few Beans Short Of A Latte

, | Right | January 13, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, but I ordered the vegetable soup!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I know.”

Customer: “I don’t see ANY vegetables in this!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s because it’s your coffee.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She was surprisingly nice for the rest of the meal and left a hefty tip.)

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Making Excuses For A Lack Of Brain Cells

, , , | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”

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Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

, , | Right | November 25, 2007

Me: *answering phone* “Welcome to the award-winning [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I would like a room.”

Me: “And when would you be arriving, sir?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “When do you want the room?”

Caller: “Oh! Tonight…”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are completely booked tonight. Would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

Caller: “You have no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any rooms like that. We sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ’emergencies.'”

Caller: “Oh. You have suites, too, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

Me: “No rooms.”

Caller: “No suites?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have no rooms of any kind, suite or otherwise. Now, unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

(*click*)

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