A popular supermarket chain is opening a new store only a few minutes from my house, and I decide to take the opportunity to apply for my first job. I am in my final year of school at the time and, with a couple of friends, am planning a trip to Japan at the end of the year to celebrate. As it turns out, I am due to leave only a few weeks after the new store is due to open, and therefore, a few weeks after I would begin work, should I get the job. During my interview, I mention this to the two interviewers, one of whom is my would-be manager and therefore in charge of making the rosters. She says it’ll be no problem and makes a note of it.

A few weeks later, I find out I’ve got the job and am told I need to come in for some training. At the end of the training, we’re given a form to fill out about what hours we’re available to work. At the bottom of the page is a field that asks if there’s any upcoming dates upon which I won’t be available to work. Even though I’ve already told the manager the dates I’ll be away, I write them down on the sheet just to be sure. A couple of weeks later, I begin work, and a couple of weeks after that, the rosters for the weeks I’ll be away come out.

Me: “Excuse me.”

Manager: “What’s up?”

Me: “I’ve just noticed that I’m rostered on in two weeks. I’m going to be away then.”

Manager: “You are? Why?”

Me: “I’m going to Japan for a few weeks.”

Manager: “Oh, yeah, I remember you telling me about that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll sort it out. Thanks for letting me know.”

I think no more about it, and a few weeks later, I head to Japan with my friends. About a week and a half into the trip, I receive a phone call from work.

Me: “Hello?”

Manager: “[My Name], it’s [Manager] from work.”

Me: “Hi.”

Manager: “I’m just calling because you’ve not been into work all week, and I need to know if you’re going to be in today.”

Me: “Um, I’m actually in Japan, so no, I won’t be in today.”

Manager: “What? How long are you away for?”

Me: “Until the end of next week.”

Manager: “Well, I’ve actually rostered you down for all that time. You can’t just take time off work whenever you want. You have to make sure you tell me when you’re going away in advance, so I know not to roster you on. Now I have to fill all your shifts for the next two weeks.”

Me: “Oh, um, sorry about that, but I did tell—”

Manager: “When did you say you’re going to be back?”

Me: “[Date].”

Manager: “Thanks. I guess I’ll see you then.”

A few weeks later, I got back to work just in time for a period of employee review, where the managers sat down with all the new staff in their departments and gave them feedback on how they’d been doing so far and where they could improve. Apparently, I’d been doing quite well, except my manager had had to mark me down a bit for not giving her enough notice that I was going away. I guess telling her three times wasn’t enough. Luckily, she was gone by the next time I needed time off work.

A friend and I go out to a bar one night. We have some drinks and play some pool, and there are a few guys that we sort of try to chat with, but we mostly keep to ourselves.

Now, I’ll be the first to acknowledge that I can be completely oblivious when it comes to realizing that guys are flirting with me; it’s caused me to miss out on a few things. But as we’re leaving, I’m complaining to her a bit; I got a call while we were out from my boss asking me to come in the next day — my day off — because she can’t be in. (There were issues aplenty at that job, but that’s a story for another time.)

Me: “Ugh. I can’t believe [Boss] called me on my Friday night and was so shocked that I didn’t pick up immediately and didn’t actually want to come in all day on my day off.”

Friend: “I still can’t believe you actually said yes.”

Me: “I don’t know what I was thinking. But I swear, if one more person calls me and complains that their furniture wasn’t what they wanted, I’m going to quit.”

A guy over in the smoking area speaks up.

Guy: “Hey, can I get your number?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, we were just talking about my job.”

My friend and I both get in the car, and as I’m pulling out of the parking lot, I realize she’s staring at me funny.

Me: “What?”

Friend: “…”

Me: *Lightbulb* “He was actually asking for my number, wasn’t he?”

Friend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Is it too late to go back and get it?”

Friend: “Pretty sure you missed your chance.”

By this point, we’re at a stoplight, so I bang my head on the steering wheel.

Me: “I’m an idiot. See, this is why I can’t get dates. Or a boyfriend.”

Friend: “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…”

We both managed to laugh although I was feeling embarrassed. Even if he’d just been making conversation, if I’d been paying attention, I still might have ended up with his number. Ten years later, I still miss when guys are trying to flirt with me 95% of the time.

The water pipe under our lawn has sprung a leak, and to fix it, the plumber needs to cut off the water at the main, meaning five houses along our street will have no water tomorrow morning. I’m knocking at the neighbours’ houses to let them know.

I get to the home of a new neighbour I haven’t met yet. I knock and she yanks the door open, holding a large parcel that she tries to hand to me.

Neighbour: “About time! Here!”

Me: “Uh, hi. I’m your—”

Neighbour: “Come on, you’re late! I need to go out.”

Me: “I’m not—”

Neighbour: “Would you just hurry up?!”

Me: “Look, I’m—”

Neighbour: “God, where’s your scanner? Hurry up!”

Me: “I don’t—”

Neighbour: “You were supposed to be here an hour ago! Oh, my God, I’m so late. Would you just scan this?!”

She thrust the parcel at me and let go, and I grabbed it in reflex. Then, I stepped back, set it on the floor, and walked away, shaking my head. She stayed standing on her doorstep yelling after me, and I just walked to my own doorway and opened it. She stopped yelling. I looked back at her, and she was just standing there, looking suddenly very embarrassed.  

I guess she’ll find out the hard way that there’s no water in the morning.

I’m walking around a large local home improvement store in search of a spirit level to help me lay some paving slabs. There are several aisles with small tools, but it isn’t clear from the store layout where I might find what I’m looking for. The store can’t seem to make up its mind where any particular tool might be found. Is it with the screws and fixings? The doorknobs and light switches? The paintbrushes and wallpaper? There seems to be no logic to the layout.

After a few minutes, I see someone in a store uniform.

Me: “Hi. Do you know where I’d find a spirit level?”

Employee #1: “Oh, we have those. They’re in the tool section.”

He gestures wildly at pretty much the entire shop.

Me: “Can you give me a rough idea? I can’t see a specific section for small tools.”

Employee #1: “Oh, we definitely have those. They’re around here somewhere.” 

He gestures expansively again, although with slightly less enthusiasm.

Me: “Right, thanks.”

I go in search of someone else and notice a guy helping a couple with some paint. He seems to know what he’s talking about, so I pretend to be idly browsing paint samples on the end cap until he’s finished, and then I approach him.

Me: “Hi. I wonder if you can help me. I’m looking for a spirit level, but I can’t seem to find the right section.”

Employee #2: “A what, sorry?”

Me: “A spirit level. You know, for making sure you’ve got things straight? Horizontally? I’m laying some paving slabs.”

Employee #2: “Oh, I don’t think we have rulers.”

Me: “Not a ruler. It has markings on it like a ruler, but it has a bubble in it? You know, like this?” 

I try to demonstrate what a spirit level would look like. 

Me: “You’d lay it on something you were trying to get even and the position of the bubble would tell you if it was horizontally true or not?”

Employee #2: “Oh, we probably have those. They’d be in our tool section.” *Gestures wildly*

Me: “Right, thank you.”

I decide I’ll have one more go. Two aisles over, I find an employee labelling drills. 

Me: “Hi. I’m looking for a spirit level. Any idea where I might find one?”

Employee #3: “Sorry, a what? What are you looking for?”

Me: “A spirit level? I’m laying some paving slabs.”

Employee #3: “You’re doing a patio?”

Me: “Not a patio, just some slabs I’m trying to get even.”

Employee #3: “Right, you want one of our patio experts.” *Hollers loudly* “Greg!”

Greg appears from the next aisle and turns out to be the first guy I spoke to.

Employee #3: “This lady wants some help laying her patio.”

Me: *Cheerily* “Don’t worry about it. Thanks for your help!”

As I was leaving, I noticed a spirit level on a small end cap of sale items and bought it. The slabs turned out handsome.

Me: “I’ll have [item] and [item], thanks.”

Cashier: “Sure. Is that all?”

Unfortunately, I mishear her and think she asked, “Are you South African?”

Me: *Confused* “No?”

The woman, looking a bit bemused, waits patiently for the rest of my order.

Cashier: “So did you want anything else?”

Me: “Oh, no, thanks.”

Later, the friend I was with asked me about my weird behavior, and I realised that I had misheard.