Do As I Say, Not As I Say

, , , | Right | October 12, 2009

(I’m ringing up a customer and her child.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: *doesn’t answer*

Customer’s Child: “HELLO!”

Me: “Hi!”

Customer’s Child: HELLO!”

Me: “Hi!”

(I do this a few more times with the child while I finish ringing up the items. I turn to the customer again, thinking she didn’t hear me the first time.)

Me: “How are you today, ma’am? Your total is $[total].”

Customer: *messes in her bag and ignores me*

Me: “Ma’am? Your total is $[total].”

Customer: “You know why I’m not answering you? Because you were too busy talking to speak to my child!”

Me: “I did respond to her… several times, in fact.”

Customer: “You did not!”

Me: “I assure you I did. I looked right at her, and she was looking at me.”

Customer: “Well, she must not have heard you or she wouldn’t have repeated herself so many times. Next time stop chatting and do your job!”

1 Thumbs
3,645

Directionally Impaired

, , | Right | September 30, 2009

(I work at a theme park and the ride I operate requires riders to pull down their own lap bars.)

Me: “When you’re all seated, please pull down on the lap bars in front of you.”

(Everyone is seated, and all but one guest pulls down their lap bar. She’s talking to her friends, so I catch her attention.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please pull down on your lap bar so we can get the ride going?”

Guest: *blank stare*

Me: “The black lap bar right there in front of you. Just go on ahead and pull it down so it’s secure.”

Guest: *blank stare, puts hands on the bar*

Me: “That’s right, just pull it down…”

Guest: *raises hands in the air*

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
3,969

Machines 1, Humanity -16

, , | Right | September 24, 2009

(It’s fifteen minutes before our law firm opens, and the phone has been ringing constantly. We normally let it go to the answering machine, but I decide to pick up since this caller obviously wants to talk to someone.)

Me: “[Law Firm], how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Your d*** law firm only has machines! I can’t ever talk to a real person! Why is that?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not open until 8:30 am. I just picked up the phone a little early since you kept calling. Also, I’m not a machine.”

Caller: “Well, you tell the real people when they come in that they’re not getting my business!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am a real person. I can help you. Please, just let me have your name and I’ll look you up in our system.”

Caller: “You d*** machines! I’m not giving you s***! When I finally talk to a real person, I’m going to let them have it!” *hangs up*

 

1 Thumbs
2,663

Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 3

, , , | Right | September 23, 2009

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I want the chocolate ice cream.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: “I want the size that fits in the waffle cone.”

Me: “All of our sizes will fit in the waffles.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “The one that comes in a waffle cone.”

Me: “We can put any of the sizes in the waffles.”

Customer: *pause* “Will the small fit in the waffle cone?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “What about the medium?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And the large?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: *longer pause* “So, if I get the medium, can you put it in a waffle cone?”

1 Thumbs
2,510

Lost Within A Hundred Feet Of Paradise

, , , , , | Right | September 22, 2009

Guest: “I need you to put [Theme Park] into my GPS.”

Me: “Sir, it’s right around the corner. We even have a free shuttle that’ll take you over.”

Guest: “No, I want to DRIVE. Just put the coordinates into my GPS.”

Me: “Well, sir, it’s probably already a landmark in your GPS, but as I said, you just have to go out of the parking lot and turn right. The parking structure is just across the way there.”

Guest: “I need exact directions! Put the location into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you, it’s already in your GPS. If you’d like, I can also provide you with a map. See?”

(I show him a pre-printed paper map that indicates the parking structure is literally across the street.)

Guest: “I want the park put into my GPS!”

Me: “Sir, I promise you that the park is in your GPS already, unless it’s a very cheap unit.”

Guest: “It came with my BMW rental!”

Me: “Then it’s in there, I promise you.”

Guest: “No, it’s not! Come out to my car and put it in!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t leave the desk, but if you bring the unit in, I will find the location for you.”

Guest: “Fine!”

(He leaves, and then returns with a high-end GPS unit.)

Guest: “Here!”

(I take the unit and call up the landmarks menu. Sure enough, there’s the park.)

Me: “Here it is, sir.”

Guest: *looks at the GPS unit* “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS AROUND THE D*** CORNER?!”

1 Thumbs
4,642