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No-One Noon

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2021

Due to budget cuts over a decade ago, the town I work for closes its town hall to the public at noon on Fridays. Fridays also happen to be one of our busiest days of the week, with a lot of residents trying to get things done before the weekend. Our closing time is rigid, but we won’t kick anyone out who is already in the building, and we will let those in who are walking up the walkway toward our building when we go to lock the door. This is one of those doors that locks from the outside, but you can leave without having to be let out.

One Friday, in particular, was very busy. It was going to be a nice weekend, so residents were lining down the hall wanting to get tag sale permits, among other things. At 12:01 pm, I locked the door, looking down both sides of the walkway to make sure I wasn’t shutting the door in someone’s face. Seeing no one, I walked back into the office to continue my closing procedures and help the residents still inside.

Around ten minutes after we technically closed, I noticed more residents in line who definitely were not there before. Perhaps they had been in a different part of the building, so I shrugged and continued working. Around twenty minutes after closing, I noticed yet more residents. I walked into the hallway to see what was going on and where they were coming from.

As it turns out, whenever someone left through the doors, the next person waiting outside grabbed the handle before it closed and let in a few more nearby. I even had a resident storm up to me, angry that she had to keep letting people in because the door was locked and we should have maintenance check on why the door kept locking. I explained to her that the door was locked because we were closed, and to please stop letting people in. She was very confused but walked away when she was done. It took us about a half-hour to finish helping everyone without new people coming in.

Our hours are clearly posted on the door, our website has our hours on it, our Facebook page has our hours listed, our voicemail lists our hours, and every letter and bill we send out have our hours on it. Our hours changed close to fifteen years ago. I’m not sure how to make it clearer.

Not Very Closed Minded: The Finale

, , , | Right | March 8, 2021

Our branch is closing down for good. The staff were notified of this a good two months or so before the closing date, and we were quick to start advertising this to the public. Our front glass windows and doors were plastered in “CLOSING DOWN” signs, we held several sales to get rid of as much stock as possible, and we made sure we mentioned this in person to as many customers as we could. In the run up to the store closing, we had so many conversations like this it made my head spin.

Customer: “Where are you moving to?”

Manager: “We’re closing, not moving.”

Customer: “Oh. So when are you reopening?”

Manager: “We’re not.”

Customer: “I know, but you’ll be open again somewhere, right?”

Manager: *Sighs*

Some variation of this happened several times a day, to the point where I actually had to step into the stock cupboard for a moment and stifle a scream into my shirt. A day or two before we closed, a young customer was pushing through the sea of customers grabbing things from our heavily advertised “CLOSING DOWN” sale.

Young Customer: “Hi, I was wondering…”

He pulled out a resume and slid it across the counter to me.

Young Customer: “Do you guys have any jobs going at all?”

Me: “I… we’re… We don’t have any jobs left here ourselves.”

He blinked and looked around the store in surprise.

Young Customer: “Oh! You’re closing down?”

I thought the worst of it was over when the fated day finally arrived and our store officially closed for business. I showed up that morning out of uniform, just like the rest of the team. By the time I got there, it was about nine am and whatever was left of the sale stock had already been boxed away, leaving masses of empty shelving units. Cardboard boxes were scattered everywhere. Posters and signs were in the middle of being taken down. Workmen were in the process of taking apart the counter — literally dissembling the entire counter — which meant the tills and computers had been disconnected and removed. A large white van was parked outside the front doors, which were propped open so that the workmen could carry things in and out.

Naively, I had faith that anybody passing by would see the white van, the workmen, the signs plastered in the windows, and the bone-bare interior of the once-bustling store, and come to the sensible conclusion that maybe — JUST MAYBE — we weren’t open for business. Oh, no.

A customer wandered in through the open doors before pausing and looking up in surprise.

Customer #1: “Oh. You’re not open?”

Me: *Sitting on the floor taping up a cardboard box* “No?”

Customer #1: “Oh. I only wanted [Movie]. You haven’t still got it, have you?”

Me: “You’re kidding.”

He left, still looking bewildered. Customers #2 through #4 arrived in the same manner, wandering cluelessly in through the doors before acknowledging that we maybe weren’t able to serve them.

I was growing increasingly frustrated with the sheer stupidity of each and every person who did this, and as I no longer had my job to worry about, I was rapidly running out of patience. One of the services the store used to offer was a trade-in service for pre-owned DVDs, CDs, and games; the standard exchange was for cash or store credit. Yet another customer wandered a few feet into the store before stopping.

Customer #5: “Oh, you guys actually did close.”

Coworker: “What, you didn’t think we would?”

Customer #5: “Well… I mean… I wanted to trade in these DVDs.”

She held up a stack of movies.

Customer #5: “I know you’re closed, but can I still trade these in?”

Coworker: “Lady, we literally don’t have a till to put them through. We can’t give you anything for them and we’ve got enough overstock as it is!”

Customer #5: “Can I just give them to you, then?”

Coworker: “No!”

We were all so tense by that point, because we couldn’t just shut the doors to keep the idiots out; the workmen needed a clear route to carry heavy objects in and out. My manager got so fed up, though, that he grabbed a rope divider we used to use to rope off our upper floor and stuck that in front of the doors, figuring he’d remove it if the builders needed to get through.

Barely twenty seconds after he’d roped off the door, a family of about five people suddenly clustered into the doorway, trying to push past to see into the store.

Woman: “What’s happened here?!”

Me: “We’ve closed.”

Woman: “You’ve closed?! But we came all the way from [Area barely ten minutes away] just to shop here!”

Younger Woman: “When are you reopening?”

Me: “Oh, my God.”

The woman started grabbing at the divider as if she was going to tear it open.

Woman: “We came all this way and you’re closing? We wouldn’t have wasted a trip if we’d known!”

Me: “We’ve had signs up for months.”

Manager: “It doesn’t have to be a wasted trip; you can come in and help us pack up.”

Woman: *Spluttering angrily* “I don’t want to pack up! I want DVDs!”

My manager just started laughing and turned away from them. I went upstairs at that point because I just couldn’t bear to witness any more stupidity that blatant for the rest of the day. Apparently, several more people tried to come in while I was up there, and by the time the doors were shut and I came down to help with the cleaning, I’d lost count of the people who tried to tug the doors open. Even now, years later, just thinking about this gives me heartburn.

DVDo Or DVDon’t?

, , , , | Right | March 8, 2021

A few years back, I was shopping for a Father’s Day gift and decided to buy my dad the DVD of a movie we had seen in theatres about six months before. I went into a chain store well known for its loose return practices and bought it without a problem.

Or so I thought. When I presented it to my father, we realised that A, the plastic wrapping on the DVD case was missing, and B, so was the actual DVD. I took it back to the store, almost certain that they wouldn’t believe my story, but to my surprise, they took the empty DVD case back and refunded me. I bought a sealed DVD and was on my way.

I’m not sure who’s worse: me, for being boneheaded enough to not notice that something was wrong with the first case, or the customer service people for accepting a return that I would have pegged as a scam. I’m pretty sure they thought I was full of s*** but had to follow a “make the customer happy no matter what” policy.

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Customer

, , | Right | March 8, 2021

In order to participate in one of our events, you have to fill out a registration slip. We have enough slips for everyone, and we have enough pens for people to use, but someone ALWAYS asks where the pens are. It happens every. Single. Event. I personally don’t care what container the pens are in, so long as the pens are in the same place, which is directly in front or next to the registration slips… which is where they always are.

Coworker: “Did you see where I put the pens?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. What did you do?”

Coworker: “I put them in that black bin. See it?”

Me: “Oh! Cool.”

Coworker: “Means that, hopefully, people don’t ask about it.”

Me: “Uh… yeah, that’s never gonna happen.”

An hour later:

Customer: “Where’re your pens?”

I answered, laughing, as my coworker head-desked.

Didn’t Do This In Order

, , , | Right | March 8, 2021

I am the customer and the person in the wrong in this story. It is around 8:00 pm on a rainy, late January day, and I stop by a well-known ice cream chain for their signature dish, choosing to use their drive-thru option. 

It is worth noting that this particular location’s drive-thru used to function by having the customer order, pay, and receive their food all at the same window. This method has been changed by adding a speaker at the menu board, and I am unaware of the change, so I wait in line until I get to the window and the server asks for payment.

Me: “Umm… I somehow forgot to order. I am so sorry!”

Server: “No problem, that’s okay! What can I get for you?”

I order, tripping over my tongue in my embarrassment, pay, apologize again, and wait for my food in awkward silence.

A minute later, the server opens the window and passes through my food.

Me: “Again, I am so, so sorry for this.”

Server: *Laughing* “It’s all right, man. Have a good evening.”

I rolled up my window and drove home, berating myself for my buffoonery the whole way. To the server who handled my mishap with such tact, thank you so much, and I hope the rest of your shift went without any more idiots like myself messing up the drive-thru line. You probably got some good laughs out of that!