A-Paul-ing Service

, , , , , | Right | August 11, 2010

(I am making drinks and I notice a small mocha for Paul. We have a regular customer named Paul who always orders a small mocha, but at that moment I couldn’t remember whether or not he liked it with whipped cream.)

Me: *calling out* “Paul? Did you want whipped cream on your mocha?”

Customer: *not a regular* “Yes, I wanted whipped cream.”

(I realize that this might be a drink for a different customer also named Paul. I add the whipped cream and hand it off with a smile.)

Me: “Here you go, a small mocha with whipped cream. Have a nice day, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a large.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me remake that for you.”

(I make a new drink, figuring that one of my co-workers might have grabbed the wrong size in the rush.)

Me: “Here’s your large mocha with whipped cream. Sorry for the mix-up, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a pumpkin spice latte.”

(I start my third attempt at making a drink for this customer.)

Customer: “…and my name isn’t Paul.”

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Taking Their Sweet Time

, , , , | Right | August 1, 2010

Customer: “I’m looking for a book called Like Watery Chocolate For Chocolately Water or something.”

Me:Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel?”

Customer: “Um… no… it’s by this Mexican author.”

Me: “Yes, Laura Esquivel. The book is Like Water For Chocolate.”

Customer: “No, it has all these recipes in it.”

Me: “Yes. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel.’

Customer: “No, it has, like, this blue cover.”

Me: “Yes. Like Water For Chocolate by Laura Esquivel. I can take you right to it, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, that’s not it! They’re making a movie out of it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The book is Like Water For Chocolate.”

Customer: “No! Oh, you’re just no help at all!” *stomps off*

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Behaving With Dis-Stain

, , , , , | Right | July 29, 2010

(When clothing comes out of the packaging, we steam it to remove the wrinkles before we put it on the sales floor. A customer picks up a shirt that I have just finished steaming.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know what this stain is? Will it come out in the wash?”

Me: “It’s water, from the steamer. Just give it a few minutes to dry, and the stain will be gone.”

Customer: “I don’t have a few minutes. If I take it home and wash it, can I return it if the stain doesn’t come out?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Once the article has been washed we can no longer return it. It’s just water, I can assure you.”

Customer: “Well, then can you wash it here?”

(I go and soak it in the sink in our stock room, and hand the sopping wet shirt to the client.)

Customer: “I asked you to wash it! Instead, you just made the stain bigger!”

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Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

, , , , | Right | July 22, 2010

Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

Customer: *already angered by the question* “331!”

Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

Me: “It’s $434.67.”

Customer: “What?! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it until we got home!  I read on the Internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill. Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

(As my manager approaches, the customer grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

(The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

Manager: “Then, I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

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Military Intelligence, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | July 13, 2010

(A patron had an item due back at 3:59 pm, so that read as ‘03:59 pm’. They returned it around 3 pm.)

Patron: “I don’t know what time this was due at. I can’t read army time.”

Me: “We don’t use military time. Where were you seeing it at?”

Patron: “Right here on the receipt, it says ‘13:59 pm’.”

Me: “It says 03:59 pm. Just drop the zero.”

Patron: “No, army time is harder than that.”

Me: “If it was due back at 13:59, it would’ve been due back at 1:59 pm.”

Patron: “So, I’m late?”

Me: “No, because we don’t use military time. Plus, that’s still not proper military time formatting. All you have to do on our receipts is drop that zero and you have the normal time.”

Patron: “Oh! I get it now! So if I drop the one, then I get the correct time from army time?”

Me: “That’s not military time or a one.”

Patron: “I’m glad to know how army time works now!”

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