When The Shoe Is On The Other Foot

, , , , , | Right | September 10, 2010

(I’m shoe shopping, and I’ve taken off my own shoes to try on some other pairs. Another customer is browsing in the same aisle; she looks at my shoes and starts to try them on.)

Me: “Excuse me? Those are mine.”

Customer: “No, they’re not. I saw them first.”

Me: “No, I mean, I bought them a while ago. See, they don’t have price tags on them.”

(Ignoring me, she takes off my shoes, and calls over an employee.)

Customer: “Do you have these in size seven?”

Employee: “I’ve never seen these before. Do you have the box they were in?”

Me: “That’s because they’re mine. They’re not from here.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “She keeps saying that, but I saw them first.”

Employee: “Uh, ma’am, she’s right. These are from [Another Shoe Store].”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can I buy them here?”

Employee: *gives me back my shoes* “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Well, if that’s how you treat your customers here, I’m leaving!”

(As she walks out, she stops to check out my bag on the floor.)

Me: “That’s mine, too.”

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Testing Plugs And Patience

, , , | Right | September 10, 2010

(Several of our customers recently experienced an Internet outage and needed to reset their equipment to get back online.)

Me: “You’ll just need to unplug your modem, wait a few seconds, plug it back in, and then wait for all the lights to come on. Once they’re all on, you’ll be back online. If that doesn’t work, call me back.”

Customer: “Okay, that sounds simple enough.”

(A few minutes later…)

Customer: “I just spoke with you. It’s still not working!”

Me: “I apologize, let’s take a look. Have you reset the modem already?”

Customer: “Yes! I need you to fix this. I need the Internet now!”

Me: “Of course. Are all the lights on the modem lit up?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “How long ago did you reset your modem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just now, after I called you back!”

(As we’re speaking, I see that her connection has re-established.)

Me: “I’m showing you’re online now. Are all the lights back on your modem?”

Customer: “Oh… that’s what you meant by waiting.”

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Stupidity That Makes You Go Wow

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2010

Customer: “I wanted to know about SEO. What’s that?”

Me: “SEO is Search Engine Optimization. In a nutshell, I can help you to get noticed by search engines.”

Customer: “So, you’re SEO, are you? I want to meet him.”

Me: “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

Customer: “SEO is the name of a friend of mine in World of Warcraft. Are you him? Hey! How are you? I didn’t know you did web sites!”

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Wave Of The Future

, , , , , | Right | September 8, 2010

Me: “Hi, your order comes to [total].”

Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”

Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”

Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”

Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”

Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*

Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Oh, all right; here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”

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Not Quite Hammering A Point Home

, , , , | Right | August 20, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My daughter is having her birthday in a few days. Do you do kids’ birthday parties?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Do you come to people’s homes dressed up for kids’ birthday parties?  I was hoping for a princess theme.”

Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have to wrong number. This is a home improvement store.”

Caller: “No, I do not have the wrong number! I was told you do kids’ birthday parties!”

Me: “Uh, well… in our grocery department we sell candles. And cake mix. And frosting.”

Caller: “Oh, wonderful! Do you have decorations you could bring, too?”

Me: “I’m not going to bring anything, but you could come into our store to buy the cake supplies and some decorations from our wall-coverings department.”

Caller: “You have specific departments for kids’ birthdays? That’s wonderful! Where are you located and what are your hours?”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said before, you called a home improvement store. We, unfortunately, do not provide entertainment for children’s birthday parties, but we are located at [Address] and our store hours are 6:30 am to 10 pm.”

Caller: “Just perfect; you’ve been so helpful!  Have a wonderful day!” *hangs up*

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