We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

, , , | Right | April 28, 2008

(Our new drugstore is assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answer the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This becomes annoying, but one of my coworkers likes to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Coworker: “Hmm… that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely… like it’s crazy.”

Coworker: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Coworker: “Okay, then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Coworker: “All right, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

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Big Yellow Warning Bags Are Your Friend

, , | Right | April 20, 2008

(A girl pulls up to a gas pump. I’m watching her through the window from behind the cash register as she removes the OUT OF ORDER BAG placed over the pump (clearly marked, bright yellow bag) and throws it in the trash next to her. She plays around with it for a while and then walks toward the door.)

Girl: “Your pumps aren’t working.”

Me: “Go back outside, pull the bag that you just threw away out of the trash and read it. That should solve the problem.”

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Let’s Hope The Covenant Hates Rock ‘n Roll

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2008

(It is around Christmas. To provide some context, we have a display for Guitar Hero 3 set up which, among other things, has a playable guitar, a big huge sign that says GUITAR HERO 3, and a display “case” that has the guitar from the game and the game set up to look real pretty.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m not sure what my son wanted, it was something 3… Hylo…”

Me:Halo 3?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have that?”

Me: “Sure, it’s just in the back. Let me go grab a copy.”

(After I go in the back and grab a copy…)

Customer: “Wait a minute, where’s the guitar? I want the one with the guitar.”

Me: “Uh… oh, you must’ve been looking for Guitar Hero 3! I don’t have the one bundled with the guitar right now, but if you already have the guitar you can buy just the game.”

Customer: “No, you do. It’s over here!”

Me: “Oh, really? Where’d you see it?”

(This is Christmas season; things can magically appear from nowhere at a moment’s notice, so I’m not surprised she said that. I follow the customer over, and she points to that clear display I mentioned earlier.)

Customer: “See? You DO have the guitar.”

Me: “No ma’am, that’s just our display just to show you what comes with the box when we have it.”

Customer: “But… I see the game, right here! It’s right here!”

Me: “No, ma’am, that’s just empty. It’s just all there to look nice.”

Customer, flustered: “What’s the difference between Halo 3 and Guitar Hero 3, exactly?”

Me, stammering: “Uh… in Halo 3, you shoot aliens, and in Guitar Hero 3, you play rock music.”

Customer: “Oh, he’d want Halo 3, then.”

Me: “Okay, let me go and get that copy for you I left in the back.”

(After grabbing it…)

Customer: “Where’s the guitar?”

(At this point, to spare the readers, I went through the ENTIRE conversation again.)

Customer: “But someone on the phone told us you had the Halo 3 Special Edition.”

Me: “Yes, we do. That’s this in my ha–”

Customer: “So, why aren’t you selling it to me? I want it with the guitar.”

Me: *stifling laughter* “Ma’am, look, I can’t really say it any clearer. We have Halo 3. Halo 3 is not played with a guitar. We do NOT have Guitar Hero 3. Guitar Hero 3 is played with a guitar.”

Customer: “Oh, for god’s sake. We drive all the way here and you people don’t even know what the f*** you’re talking about. I’m going to [Competitor].”

Me: “You do that, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

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Making Excuses For A Lack Of Brain Cells

, , , | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”

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Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

, , | Right | November 25, 2007

Me: *answering phone* “Welcome to the award winning [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I would like a room.”

Me: “And when would you be arriving, sir?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “When do you want the room?”

Caller: “Oh! Tonight…”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are completely booked tonight. Would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

Caller: “You have no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any rooms like that. We sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ’emergencies.'”

Caller: “Oh. You have suites, too, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

Me: “No rooms.”

Caller: “No suites?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have no rooms of any kind, suite or otherwise. Now, unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

(*click*)

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