Our store is moving. All our signage is down. There’s a note on the door explaining. The front room is completely empty, except for our front counter. It’s been taken apart and stacked in a corner. The door is unlocked because the owners are on their way back to pick up another load to take to storage. I’m in the back room, cleaning.

Woman: “Hello. Hello.”

I peek out the doorway to see an older woman standing in the empty front room, holding a box. She sees me step out in shorts and a tank top, covered in sweat and dust from the back room.

Woman: “Oh, hello. I’d like to ship this.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re closed.”

Woman: “Oh, but your door was open.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but there was a note on it. We’re moving the store to a new location.”

Woman: “Oh, okay.” *Long pause* “So, can you ship this for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am, all my computers are already packed away.”

Woman: “Do you need your computers to ship this?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Woman: “You know, in my day, we didn’t have any computers. We had to do all the calculations in our head.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Another long pause.

Woman: “So, when will you be able to ship this for me?”

Me: “If you go to our new location when it opens, we can ship it for you then.”

Woman: “But not today?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Woman: “Because your computers are down?”

There is another pause where I reject the idea of explaining again.

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Woman: “Do you know where I can ship it out today?”

Me: “If you take it down to the post office, they can probably get it out for you today.”

Woman: “Are their computers working?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I believe so.”

Woman: “You know, it would really be better if you learned how to do the calculations without a computer.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll let the owners know. You have a great day.”

Woman: “You, too, dearest. I hope your computers come back up soon.”

She left. I glanced around the empty room, questioning what had just happened.

There are several Smithsonian museums in the area.

Tourist: “Where’s the main Smithsonian gift shop?”

I explain that each museum has a gift shop that highlights the items in that building.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

I give the same explanation but simpler.

Tourist: “But where’s the main one?”

Tourist’s Son: “Dad, aren’t you listening?”

We can only allow one customer at a time into the shop. We have opened another door and set up a one-way system so customers who are leaving do not have to squeeze past those waiting to enter.

The one-person limit is clearly posted at the door, and the one-way system is marked with numerous arrows, and yet I have to explain and remind customers all day long. I am checking out [Customer #1] while keeping an eye on the door.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you please wait outside for a moment? We are only allowed to have one customer in here at a time.”

[Customer #2] steps back outside. I finish with [Customer #1], direct them to the exit, and beckon to [Customer #2] to come in.

Customer #2: “I am so sorry, I should have checked! I really should know; I work at the pharmacy and we are constantly reminding people, as well.”

We commiserate a bit as I’m helping her, and I help her carry her items to the exit.

Customer #2: “Thank you so much, and have a nice day, and… I’m trying to think of what exactly to wish you.”

Me: “Pleasant and attentive customers?”

Customer #2: “Yes, may you have many of those!”

Then, I called in [Customer #3], an elderly man, quickly helped him, cashed him out, and finished with, “Have a nice day, and please leave through the other door over there.”

[Customer #3] took a step back and tripped over a display, knocking several vases to the floor and almost falling himself, and then left the shop… through the entrance.

So much for “attentive customers.”

I’m in my local grocery store, using their rewards card machine. A woman at the bakery counter nearby wants to pay with a debit card via NFC (contactless payment). The debit machine keeps making an error sound.

Customer: “Why is it not working?”

Employee: “I’m not sure. Let’s just try it again.”

The employee cancels the payment and starts again. The customer holds her card close to the machine again, and again she gets an error sound.

Customer: “What’s going on? I always pay like this and never had a problem before.”

Employee: “It’s been working fine all day. I don’t know what’s wrong. Let’s try one more time.” *Glances at the growing line at the counter*

They try again, and it still does not work. The customer is getting frustrated.

Customer: “This can’t be. There’s money on my account. I always pay like this. It must be your stupid machine. Why doesn’t it work?!”

I look over and notice something.

Me: “Because that’s not a debit card.”

The customer looks at the card in her hand, which turns out to be her healthcare ID.

Customer: “Huh? Oh. OH! Sorry.”

I usually wear a necklace that’s a Leaf of Lorien from “Lord Of The Rings.” It’s nothing fancy; actually, it used to be part of a bookmark that broke and I liked it enough that I just threaded a chain through the charm. Most people comment on it because they think it looks like a marijuana leaf and they want to know why I’m advertising it.

I meet up with a couple of friends at a local sandwich shop. I get my sandwich made and go to pay and the cashier looks up at me.

Cashier: “Oh, that’s a pretty necklace!”

Me: “Thanks. It used to be a bookmark and I turned it into the necklace when the bookmark broke.”

Cashier: “That’s fun! What is it?”

Me: “It’s a Leaf of Lorien.”

Cue a blank look from the cashier

Me: “From Lord Of The Rings.”

Cashier: “Is that like Harry Potter?”

Me: “Um, no? It’s Lord Of The Rings. You know, Frodo, the One Ring, Gandalf?”

Cashier: “Oh! Is that Star Wars?”

Me: “Um, no? It’s like Lord Of The Rings. You know, Mordor? It was a book series and there’ve been several movies.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I watch TV!”

She grinned at me and I just smiled and paid for my food, joining my friends. To this day, I’m still not sure if she was trying to flirt with me or if she was really that clueless.