Plenty Of Door-ama

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I work at a sandwich shop. It shares a building with a coffee shop. There is an entrance from the street, and another entrance on the other side that is shared with the coffee shop. The coffee shop’s door is about four feet across from the sandwich shop’s door.)

Customer: “How do I get to [Coffee Shop]?

Me: “Just go through that exit over there, and the door is straight ahead.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you!”

(The customer walks out the shared door and I return to work. Ten minutes later I see her come in through our street door looking a little huffed and confused.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I couldn’t find [Coffee Shop]. Did you give me the right directions?”

Me: “Yes, the shop is right through that door.”

(I am pointing to the shared door like before.)

Customer: “I went through that door and didn’t find it. Show me.”

(Since it isn’t busy, I walk from the counter directly in front of the door with her next to me.)

Me: *pointing to the other door behind the glass* “See that other door behind this one? That is [Coffee Shop].”

Customer: *red-faced and flustered* “Oh, of course. I didn’t see it; I’m not stupid! Don’t act like I’m stupid.”

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Wish You Could Dell-ete

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I work on a busy sales floor. An urgent page goes out for a salesperson. My phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Big Defunct Computer Retailer]. I am [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need your price on a [Brand] computer, model [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; we don’t sell [Brand].”

Caller: “Can you tell me more about [Brand]?”

Me: “As I said, we don’t sell [Brand], but let me tell you about our computer line. They are great, and I think you will find that they are as good as or better than [Brand].”

Caller: “I just really want to know about [Brand]. My company’s contract only allows me to buy [Brand].”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I can’t help you with that. Is there anything else you would like today?”

Caller: “I’m very disappointed; you should be able to help me with my [Brand] questions. This is very poor customer service!

Me: “Since you can’t buy from us, are you really a customer?”

(The “customer” grumbled and hung up.)

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Not In Receipt Of Your Hints

, , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I am the manager on duty right now. I am helping customers on the sales floor when a woman asks for my help with some new coats that just came in a week or so ago.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Is this on sale?” *points to sign on the rack that reads “Jackets, 30% off”*

Me: “Yes, they are! They’re 30% off and they just came in!”

Customer: “I bought two last week and I paid full price for them!”

Me: “Oh, do you have your receipt? We can give you a price adjustment today if you have it.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. But I bought two full-price last week.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when you get the receipt, come back and we will give you a price adjustment as long as the sale is still on.”

Customer: “I bought two full price ones last week, but I changed my purse so I don’t have the receipt.”

Me: “That’s no problem; you can get your price adjustment whenever you can bring the receipt in. No time limit, as long as the sale is on.”

Customer: “But I bought two full price jackets last week! This one and the grey one! In fact, you helped me! It was about $300!”

Me: “Right, and we can refund you if you go get the receipt.”

Customer: “I changed purses and it’s in my other purse.”

Me: *sighing inwardly in frustration* “We will give you the 30% off when you bring the receipt in, but I can’t do anything without the receipt.”

Customer: “I bought them for $[total] and it’s 30% off, so I should get $[amount] back!”

Me: “Yup, just get your receipt and you’ll get it back!”

Customer: “I don’t have my receipt; I changed purses!”

Me: “Then I can’t help you today.”

(I walk away to help other customers but she follows me, holding up two jackets.)

Customer: “I bought two full price jackets — this one and this one — last week! They are on sale now!”

Me:Yes! They are, and you can get your money back if you bring in the receipt, which is in your other purse! I cannot give you a price adjustment without the receipt.”

(The customer proceeds to repeat her receipt and purse story.)

Me: “Come back when you have your receipt.”

(I walked away, and every time she tried to talk to me to tell me about her jackets she bought, I said, “I’ll talk to you when you have your receipt,” and kept walking away. After a few minutes she got the hint and left.)

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Why Ad Men Become Mad Men

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I call the local paper to inquire about posting a four-line ad in the classified section. It turns out the ad will be classified in a different category than I thought ,and will therefore be four times the cost. Not wanting to pay $60 for the ad, I thank the person on the line but tell them I will not be placing the ad after all. Simple. I think that is the end of it. But, no. A few days later:)

Caller #1: “This is [Caller #1] from [Town] paper. I need to speak to [My Name].”

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #1: “You recently placed an ad in our paper under someone else’s account.”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I inquired about an ad, but did not place one. I didn’t put in under any account at all.”

Caller #1: “We have the ad billed to [Person I’ve never heard of]’s account. You can’t place an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “I didn’t place an ad at all. You’ve made a mistake.”

(I hang up. The phone rings again.)

Caller #1: “Don’t hang up on me! You’ve fraudulently placed an ad under someone else’s account!”

Me: “What ad was placed?”

Caller #1: “I don’t have that information.”

Me: “Look. I called your paper to inquire about an ad. I didn’t end up placing it. The ad I intended to place had my information, and my information only. I have no idea what you are talking about. I told you that already.”

Caller #1: “The ad was placed with the phone number of another person’s account.”

Me: “Really? The ad I wanted to place included this number, the phone number you called to reach me. Clearly this is my number. Does someone else have an account under my number?”

Caller #1: “No. The account is under a different phone number.”

Me: “Did my ad post? Just a second, while I look in the paper.” *I do so.* “There is no ad in either the section I thought it would go in, or the section I was told it would go in. No ad was posted. There seems to a problem in billing. It is not my problem.”

(I hang up again. When the phone doesn’t ring immediately, I again think it is over. A few hours later the phone rings.)

Caller #2: “Hello, I’m trying to reach [My Name].

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #2: “Hi, my name is [Name given to me by Caller #1] and the newspaper tells me that you’ve place an ad in the classified section using my account.”

Me: “Well, the newspaper is wrong. I called them a few days ago to inquire about an ad. It turned out to be way more expensive than I’d thought, so I did not post it. I posted no ad at all. The only information I gave them was my own. The only phone number I gave them was the number you called. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Caller #2: “Well, they told me to call you and that maybe we could work it out.”

Me: “There is nothing to work out. This has nothing to do with me. Someone at the paper has made a mistake. They are the only ones who can fix it. Someone has just transposed numbers or something. Our phone numbers must be pretty similar.”

Caller #2: “No, actually. Our numbers are not even remotely close, and one must give a password to place an ad on my account.”

Me: “Okay, this is ridiculous. I certainly never gave your number, never gave a password of any kind, and actually never even placed an ad. If you are being billed for an ad that never ran, you need to take that up with the paper. This has nothing at all to do with me.”

(I hang up. Yup, the phone rings again a bit later. It is the lady from the paper.)

Caller #1: “We need to get this taken care of.”

Me: “Listen. I’ve had enough of you. Any mistake made has nothing to do with me. You need to stop bothering me. Figure it out from your end.”

Caller #1: “We can—”

Me: “I’ve been patient. You really just need to stop talking. Let me speak to a supervisor or stop calling me. Those are the only two options I’m giving you.”

Caller #1: “Fine!”

Supervisor: “Hello, I understand you have placed an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “Listen to me carefully. I will say this once. I called about possibly placing an ad. While doing so, I gave my name and my phone number. My phone number was to appear in the ad. That is the only phone number I gave during the call. Before the call was over, I was given a quote for cost. I determined it to be too high and did not authorize the ad. I was asked for no billing information, as there was no reason to be billed. I. Did. Not. Place. An. Ad. Have I made myself clear?”

Supervisor: “You placed no ad at all?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “Okay. We’ll look into things on this end. Thank you for your time.”

(That was the last I heard from them. I never tried to place any sort of ad in that paper again!)

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Have A Million Reasons To Hang Up

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I work remotely from home in the video game publishing industry. My business information winds up on a lot of weird contact lists, and most of it is in no way related to my work in any capacity. People try to sell me bulk sports equipment from China, for instance. One day I get a call on my work cell.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello, ma’am! My name is [Caller] calling with [Company I’ve never heard of]. How are you?”

Me: “I’m fine, thanks. What can I do for you?”

Caller: “Very well, thank you! I wanted to ask you if you had ever thought of diversifying your investment portfolio in [Country]?”

Me: “Uh. Well. No, since I don’t have any investments there.”

Caller: “Exactly! I know your time is valuable, but real-estate in [Country] is booming, and our company has great ideas for—”

(It’s become apparent that this is obviously a marketing call, and someone who is calling from outside my industry. I try several times to interject, but he just talks louder and faster about how his company plans to build expensive resorts overseas with investment from me. Finally, he winds down about ten minutes later.)

Caller: “…so, as you can see, this is a great opportunity for you to get in on the ground floor. Where can I send you some documentation to look over? Is [email] correct?”

Me: “Listen, [Caller]. I appreciate your time and wish you the best of luck, but as I have been trying to tell you, I am not involved in any sort of investing or real-estate investment.”

Caller: *offended* “Pardon me, but my colleagues and I bought a list of known investors and their contact information from a reliable source.”

Me: “Not that reliable, apparently.”

Caller: *skeptical* “You’re telling me you don’t have a net worth of 15 million dollars?”

Me: *genuine surprised, shocked, disbelieving laughter*

Caller: *angrily* “Well, thanks for wasting my time, lady!” *click!*

(Yeah, buddy, it was totally my fault you shelled out for a list of unverified information obtained through dubious means and refused to listen to me when I tried to talk. Oh, well. Luckily, I can dry my tears with all my phantom millions.)

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