Generosity Which Knows No Bounds

, , , , , | | Right | January 20, 2009

(We are having a toy drive. If you buy and donate any $5 toy, you can receive 20% off your entire purchase. A woman wearing a fur coat is buying five bags of toys.)

Me: “Ma’am, would you be interested in donating a toy today? Since your total comes to $400, you’d save $80–”

Customer: *angrily* “My husband and I donate to CHARITY, so I don’t think I need to be guilt-tripped into your awful little toy drive!”

Me: “Your total is $400, then.”

Customer: “Is there any way I can get a discount?”

Me: “No… No, I’m afraid not.”

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We Have Confirmation

, , | | Right | January 7, 2009

(Our credit card machine went down, and we start to make signs for the doors alerting the customers to this. Before the signs get up, I have to ring up a customer’s order.)

Me: “The total is [total]. I’m sorry; our credit card machine is down.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t see any signs!”

Me: “The machine just broke five minutes ago while you were still in line. I was just telling my coworker to make signs a moment ago…”

Customer: “I don’t have enough cash. How about debit?”

Me: “Well, debit would use the same machine as the credit cards, but either way our store does not accept debit. Just cash today.”

Customer: “How about a check?”

Me: “Sorry, no personal checks. Just cash today.”

Customer: *getting upset now* “Well, what do you expect me to do?”

Me: “The last customer went next door to use the ATM to get cash.”

Customer: “You’re being extremely rude, you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to explain to you that the credit card machine is down.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t listen!”

Me: “…”

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We Have No Power, Starring Samuel L. Jackson

, , | | Right | September 23, 2008

(During a major power outage that left all of Cincinnati in the dark for days, a woman calls the theater asking about movie times.)

Customer: “Hi, what movies do you have playing today?”

Me: “None, we don’t have electricity.”

Customer: “And what time does that start?”

Me: “Ma’am, we aren’t open.”

Customer: “That’s too early. What else you got?”

Me: “NO MOVIES ARE SHOWING TODAY!”

Customer: “I heard that was no good.”

Me: “We can’t show movies because we have no power!”

Customer: “Is that the movie with Samuel L Jackson?”

Me: *gives up* “Yes, ma’am. It starts at six pm but you might want to be here early because it gets crowded this time of day.”

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It’s Your Fault That It’s My Fault

, , | | Right | September 15, 2008

(This customer shows up at the store to pick up two rugs she had supposedly ordered, but I am unable to find them.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am having some trouble finding your rugs in the store. Did somebody give you a claim check or receipt when you bought the rugs?”

Customer: “No I ordered them over the phone.”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am, we are going to need some proof of your purchase because we can’t find the rugs you ordered.”

Customer: “WHAT? I don’t have time for this!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, do you remember what day you ordered the rugs or who you spoke to?”

Customer: “Oh, it was sometime last week. I don’t remember who I spoke to. Can’t you just get my rugs for me?”

Manager: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any records of you ever ordering rugs from us. If you could wait just a moment I could check the system again and see if anything comes up.”

Customer: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

Manager: “Okay, we’re going to go upstairs and check our records a final time.”

Customer: *keeps yelling as we walk away*

(As we search for her rugs, she leaves the store. A little while later, she calls the store.)

Customer: “Hi! I was there earlier about some rugs I ordered. I actually ordered them from another store. I’m surprised that you didn’t know that!”

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Why Don’t You Call The Cops On ‘Em

, , | | Right | August 30, 2008

(The number to our police department is only one digit off from a doctor’s office, so we often get wrong numbers.)

Me: “Police Department.”

Caller: “My doctor wrote a prescription for me for an X-ray and I need to make an appointment.”

Me: “Okay, and how can the police department help you?”

Caller: “Police department?! I was calling Dr. [Name]’s office! How DARE you answer his phone!”

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