Some years ago, I worked at a garden center in the annuals/perennial section. A woman came up to me.

Customer: “Where can I find a limelight?”

Me: “That’s actually a color descriptor, not a plant name; quite a few different plants have that color name attached, shrubs right through to annuals.Is what you’re looking for an annual or a perennial? Maybe a bush, a tree?”

Customer: “It’s called limelight!”

And she just kept repeating this. I finally moved to where we could see all the sections and asked what part of the center she had bought it from. She refused to even look and repeatedly stomped her foot at me.

Customer: “It’s called limelight!”

She was the only customer I walked away from in nearly ten years of working at the garden center. I heard later that someone was able to find her plant — I have no idea how— and it turned out to be a perennial that was about fifteen feet away from where we had been standing.

While living in the DC Metro area, we have out-of-town visitors in to see the sights. We spend one day shopping and gawking in the Georgetown area. When lunchtime arrives, we find an out-of-the-way bistro that doesn’t have an excessive wait time and where the prices (as compared to many upscale Georgetown eateries) are not outrageous.

We all order drinks, appetizers, and full-sized meals. I select a grilled chicken breast. As anyone who has ever grilled chicken knows, the thickness of a chicken breast varies, so it is hard to get the main part fully cooked without the thin outer edge becoming overcooked.

I clean my plate but leave a small amount of the charred edge of the chicken.

Waitress: “Was the chicken not cooked to your liking?”

Me: “No, it was fine. I’d rather have the main part well cooked, even if the edge was overdone.”

Waitress: “I’m terribly sorry for that, sir. I’ll speak to the chef to ensure that it doesn’t happen again.”

Me: “Please don’t. Everything was delicious, and I wouldn’t have expected anything different. It really wasn’t a problem.”

Less than two minutes later:

Manager: “I’m the restaurant manager, and I’d like to apologize for your meal not being served perfectly.”

Me: “Think nothing of it! Everything was excellent and all of us were completely satisfied with everything that we had. We have no complaints or concerns about anything.”

Manager: “You’re being too kind, sir. We strive to meet very high standards here, and we won’t accept anything less for any customer’s experience. I’ve removed your lunch charge from the bill, and I’d like to provide your entire party with dessert as a way to make amends for this problem.”

Me: “Honestly, that really isn’t necessary. Everything was wonderful and we’re all really happy that we found this place. There is no need for you to make adjustments for something that we didn’t see as a problem.”

Manager: “Thank you for your kindness. I hope that you’ll come back again sometime so we can prove that we can do things properly.”

When the check came, ALL of my charges — drinks, appetizer, and main meal — had been removed from the bill. That restaurant became our go-to location for visitors, special occasions, and even for business meals. I recommended it to my sales team for their use with customers. By the time I was transferred to a new location, I’m sure that their $100 fix to a non-existent problem had netted them over $10,000 from my business alone.

I am talking on the phone with someone from the administrative office about documents that we scan every day. The documents in question are labeled with two letters and six numbers, like AB123456. The lady I am talking to has hearing problems but won’t admit it, since she claimed she couldn’t hear a loud coworker when he was yelling into the phone.

Me: “Okay, I just scanned in a document.”

Admin: “What’s the number?”

Me: “LF987654.”

Admin: “LS987?”

Me: “No, LF. Lima foxtrot.”

Admin: “L like ‘lima,’ S like ‘Sam’?”

Me: “No. L like ‘lima,’ F like ‘foxtrot,’ or ‘Frank,’ or ‘finale.’”

Admin: “So, LS987123?”

Me: “No. Lima foxtrot 987654.”

Admin: “So, L like ‘lima,’ S like ‘Sam’?”

Head-desk.

I’m a contractor running a one-man company. I use a second phone line for my business and, despite being careful who I hand it out to, scammers and cold callers still manage to get hold of it.

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Caller: “I need to speak to whoever manages your company’s printers.”

Me: “Oh, we don’t have anyone like that. You see—”

Caller: *Interrupting me* “Fine, just put me through to whoever orders your stationery.”

Me: “That would be me, but I don’t have any—”

Caller: *Interrupting me again* “Okay, so I need you to tell me what printers you have.”

Me: *Fed up* “You haven’t told me who you are or what company you are calling from.”

Caller: “Look, I am trying to save your company money on printing. Do you want your boss to find out that you are wasting company money? Because I could ring and tell him that.”

Me: “Listen, d**khead, I am the boss, and if you listened for more than five seconds, I would tell you we don’t own a printer. Our yearly printing expenses are zero. You got that?”

Caller: “…”

Me: “That’s the most sense you’ve made all call.”

I hung up and made a note of the number in case he should ring again, but I must have made myself clear, as he never did.

When I worked at a convenience store, people coming off of the interstate would come in at five minutes to closing and go to the bathroom and play on their phones. I turned off all the lights except the one directly in front of my register. I can’t believe the number of people that couldn’t take a hint and would wander a dark store looking at candy and potato chips.