Have Faith And You Will See

, , , , | Friendly | November 7, 2017

(My pastor is chatting with a lady who is blind.)

Lady: “I wish you would do more of the older songs. I don’t know the words to these newer songs.”

Pastor: “We have the words up on the screen.”

Lady: “Like I can see it.”

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A Face Like Soured, Full-Fat Milk

, , , | Working | November 7, 2017

Me: “Can I please get a large tea to go, Earl Grey, and one of those iced espresso shots?”

(My name is taken and I wait.)

Barista: “[My Name]! We only have full-fat and semi-skimmed milk today.”

Me: “It’s all right; I have tea without milk.”

Barista: “Which one?”

Me: “Neither.”

Barista: “Yes, but you have to choose. You can’t just leave me hanging.”

Me: “But I don’t want any milk.”

(She gave me a sour face and I got my drinks. There was also a small cup with my order that I checked when I was outside. Judging from the taste, the barista decided that I should have full-fat milk, on its own.)

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I’ll Pay You For Non-Service

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(The gas station I work for has two full-service pumps. We often have to tell our patrons this, and that if they want to pump their own gas, they need to move. My coworker gets a customer at one of these pumps, and he obviously doesn’t speak very good English.)

Coworker: “Hi, there. Would you like full service?”

(The customer doesn’t understand and continues to try to pump his own gas.)

Coworker: “Sir, this pump is full-service only, and I need to pump for you, or you need to move.”

(The customer is frustrated at this point.)

Customer: “Here two dollar. You go away.”

(Still unsure if he ever got his gas.)

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What A Diabeetus, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(A customer is getting her money out of her bag. I had put in a low blood-sugar reading in my insulin pump a couple minutes earlier, and it always beeps to remind me to check it again. It beeps, and I unclip it from my waist and turn the screen on. The customer looks up and her eyes go wide.)

Customer: “Of course!”

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Customer: “This is the reason I hate this store! They hire teenagers that look at their phones all the time! They don’t even care about the customers.”

Me: “What? Oh! This isn’t a phone, ma’am.” *presses “okay” and clips it back to my waist*

Customer: “Yes, it is! Give it to me so I can report you to your manager!”

Me: “One, it’s not a phone. Two, I can’t take it off because it’s an insulin pump. I have type-one diabetes.” *shows her my medical alert bracelet* “My manager knows this.”

Customer: “You don’t have diabetes! You’re not obese!”

Me: *tries to resist the urge to face-palm* “Ma’am, I have type-one. The one you’re thinking about is type-two. Please give me the money and leave.”

Customer: “No!” *reaches for my pump, which has a tube that connects to something on my stomach*

Me: *calmly* “Please leave.”

(The customer once again reaches for my pump, and pulls it off my pants. She pulls it forward and realizes there’s a tube on it.)

Customer: “How do you disconnect the charger?”

Me: “That isn’t a charger wire, ma’am. It’s a tube. You can see it’s clear. Please let go.”

(I reach to take my pump back. The customer pulls it forwards again, and I jerk forward. A lot of the time I drop my pump, and it pulls on my stomach. It’s never torn out the thing on my stomach, but this time it’s about to. Luckily, my manager arrives before it does.)

Manager: “Let go of that right now and leave. It’s good that you hate this store, because you’re not coming back.”

(The customer places the pump on the counter and runs to the door, not taking her money or things.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Manager: “Take her money; you deserve it. I’ll put her stuff back.”

(Suddenly, I heard a beep. My manager was also a diabetic, and also had a low earlier. He pulled out his pump, which looked like mine. I heard a loud scream and the door slamming shut.)

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Wish They’d Remained Unnoticed

, , , , , | Learning | November 6, 2017

(At this point, the semester is two months in.)

Guy #1: “Hey, man! Anthony!”

Guy #2: “It’s Chris.”

Guy #1: “Chris, right! D*** it. I keep doing that. I didn’t realize you were in this class!”

Guy #2: “You just noticed? I’ve been sitting behind you the entire time.”

Guy #1: “Yeah, but it’s early.”

Guy #2: “Midterm’s next week.”

Guy #1: “I mean, early in the day.”

Guy #2: “It’s 6:30. In the evening.”

Guy #1: “Yeah, so, uh, how’ve you been?”

([Guy #2] changed seats to the other side of the room without another word.)

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