“No Sign” Of A Comeback

, , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(I am at a convenience store getting gasoline, cigarettes, and a soda. It’s a small store, with only two pumps. As I pull in, I notice one of the nozzles has a large yellow plastic bag on it clearly marked, “Out Of Order,” so I pull my car around the other side, get out and go in the store to pay for my gas. As I am crossing the parking lot, another truck pulls up to the other [broken] pump but I don’t think much about it. As I am in the back of the store getting my drink, I hear the clerk speak into the intercom and tell the driver of the truck that pulled in after me that the pump is broken, meaning that the guy has tried to use it, in spite of the big yellow bag over the nozzle. Just as I am getting up to the counter to pay for my things, he sticks his head in the door and yells at the cashier:)

Truck Driver: *very rudely* “Are you the one who told me the pump was broken?!”

Cashier: “Yes.”

Truck Driver: *shouting* “Well, you could have marked the g**-d***ed thing as broken!”

(Before the cashier has a chance to say anything, I say:)

Me: “You mean other than the bright yellow bag that said, ‘out of order,’ on it?”

(The truck driver stares a hole through me and turns around, gets in his truck, and leaves.)

Cashier: “I appreciate that; I would have had to be nice.”

Me: “You can get fired; I can’t.”

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Open-Minded About Being Closed

, , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(I work at a store that stays open until 10 pm each night. On this day, it’s around 9:58 pm, my manager and I are the only ones still in the store, we’ve cleaned up, and we are walking to lock the front door, keys in hand, when a car pulls into a space outside and an entire family gets out and runs up to the door.)

Father: “Wait! Wait! Are you still open?”

(I look at my manager who, to my annoyance, just shrugs.)

Manager: “Technically, yes, we are.”

Father: “Great! We only need a few things!”

(Unable to do anything now, we let them in and watch as their kids begin destroying the aisles we have just organized while the parents take their time grabbing things and tossing them into a hand basket. Some time later, they come up to the register, which my manager has reopened for them. I’m bagging.)

Father: “So, when do you guys normally close?”

Manager: “We actually are closed now.”

Father: “What!? That’s impossible! You said you weren’t closed when we came in!”

Manager: “That’s because you came in just before 10 pm, when we do close.”

(The father gives us both a blank look.)

Manager: “You’ve been in here for almost 30 minutes.”

(More blank looks.)

Mother: “Honey, time doesn’t stop while you’re in here.”

(Another moment passes as the father looks at his wife, the clock on his phone, then at the manager in shocked silence.)

Father: “Well… why didn’t you say that before we came in? If I’d known that, we’d have gone to a different store!”

(He grumbles as we ring up his purchases and his wife corrals their kids, getting in a final jab as they leave.)

Father: “Next time just tell us to go elsewhere!”

Manager: “…but I was trying to AVOID that very argument!”

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Trying To Daylight Save You From This Sob Story

, , , | Working | September 14, 2017

(I have just started a new job and have worked a couple of shifts. Unfortunately, at the same time, before I can even sign the contract, my sister-in-law, who has terminal cancer, is advised to begin palliative care, and asks her immediate family for help and support. It means I can’t commit to great blocks of time at work while I’m on-call to help her and my brother, so I have to refuse the job offer. On top of this, it has just switched to daylight savings, so the day I know about it, an hour before my next shift begins, I have to let my manager know. It’s 7:30 am, but everybody thinks it’s 6:30 because of daylight savings. I decide to spare my manager the sob story.)

Manager: *sleepily* “Hello?”

Me: “Hi [Manager], it’s [My Name]. Listen, I’ve had a look at the contract and worked a couple of shifts and decided the work just isn’t for me, though I thank you very much for the opportunity. Because of personal circumstances, I’d prefer not to work my shift today, but I realise this is very short notice, so if you really need me, I’m happy t—”

Manager: “You woke me up at 6:30 to tell me you quit?”

Me: “Well, I wanted to make sure you knew as soon as I did, and it’s—”

Manager: “Look, you made a commitment, and you need to come into work today.”

Me: “Yep! Like I said, I know this is short notice, and I’m really sorry because this was such a great—”

Manager: “It’s SIX THIRTY, [My Name]. Why did you think you could wake me up at 6:30?”

Me: “It’s 7:30, [Manager]. Daylight savings just—”

Manager: *exasperated* “Just get into work. Make sure you bring in your details so we can pay you for today.”

(I went into work. Nobody was there until an hour later. We opened late.)

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Anti Antibiotics

, , , , | Working | September 13, 2017

(I went to the doctor a few days ago because of an infection I had, and got antibiotics for it. The infection cleared up, but I am now noticing that my tongue is turning yellow, swollen, and somewhat bumpy. I go to the doctor again, to make sure I’m not having a bad allergic reaction to the antibiotics.)

Doctor: “You think that you’re having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics?”

Me: “Yes; my tongue is turning weird colors and it feels swollen.”

Doctor: *looks at my tongue* “Well, I don’t see anything that concerns me.”

Me: “You’re sure? It doesn’t feel normal.”

(The doctor proceeds to Google what the possible side effects could be for this antibiotic.)

Doctor: “Are you sure that you don’t just have food stuck to your tongue?”

Me: “…”

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They Must Have Been High(lands)

, , , , , | Working | September 13, 2017

(I have applied for Universal Credit and have to attend a compulsory interview for it. I get the email telling me that my interview is not only 400 miles away, but also in another country. I call the helpline to ask them to reschedule my interview.)

Helpline Employee: “How can I help you today?”

Me: “I’ve been given a date for my interview, but it’s in Edinburgh, and I live in London. I was just wondering if that was a computer glitch or something?”

Helpline Employee: “Would that be a problem?”

Me: “Well… yes. I live 400 miles away. In London, England.”

Helpline Employee: *as though I am stupid* “Edinburgh is in Scotland, not in England. Can you attend the interview or not?”

Me: “No. As I have said, it’s 400 miles away, so I have no way of getting there. I’d like an interview closer to my home, please.”

Helpline Employee: “I can send you the public transport options to get you to your interview. It’s really important to go to it!”

(I don’t want to hang up and call again, as I was on hold for so long. I decide to go with it and see if she spots the problem.)

Me: “Can we talk through transport options now?”

Helpline Employee: “No, all I can do is email them to the email address you provided.”

Me: *getting frustrated* “I have already looked at transport options. As I don’t have a car, I can only go by train. A train from London to Edinburgh takes about five hours, usually longer. I can’t afford that kind of trip, and even if I could, I don’t want to spend more than ten hours on a train in one day. Can I change the location of my appointment, please?”

Helpline Employee: “How far away do you actually live?”

Me: *thinking we’re finally getting somewhere* “About 400 miles.”

Helpline Employee: “I can move your appointment to the afternoon. That will mean you will have time to attend!”

(I just hung up and resolved to be on hold again. I gave it a minute and called back. After being on hold for ages, I spoke to someone who changed my appointment to the branch that was 20 minutes walk from my house. He had no idea why I was sent to the Edinburgh branch, but at least he understood the concept of distance.)

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