Time To Send Him Back To The Ranch

, , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(A customer comes to pick up his to-go order.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you? Napkins? Utensils?”

Customer: “I want ranch.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just go get you some.”

(I go and fill two to-go ramekins.)

Customer: “I want more than that.”

Me: “How much more?”

Customer: “I want two of those soup cups full.”

Me: “They’re sixteen ounces each.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “We will have to charge you.”

Customer: “WHY?”

Me: “Ranch isn’t a condiment; it’s a dressing. I’m not even allowed to give you the two smaller ones I just poured for you without charging you.”

Customer: “This is highway robbery!”

Me: “Do you get free bottles of ranch at the store?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “How is it any different here?”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You’ll lose your job; I’ll have you fired!”

Me: “Over ranch?”

(My manager comes over. Needless to say, she tells him the exact thing I just told him. He threatens to call corporate.)

Manager: “They’re going to tell you the same thing, sir.”

Customer: “So, are you going to give me my ranch?”

Manager: “Have you paid for it?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Well, if you haven’t, and you don’t intend to, you’re not getting ranch.”

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Just Another Stupid Missed-Steak

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

Me: “Hi, this is [Restaurant] by [College]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to place a to-go order.”

Me: “All right.”

(I take the order. When it is ready, I take it to the to-go area. Then, the phone rings.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Restaurant] by [College]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, we just came, and there was no one at the to-go area.”

Me: “Oh, I left my station for a few minutes to get y’all’s order. It’s here for whenever you’re ready to pick it up; I shouldn’t be leaving anytime soon.”

Customer: “Well, we’re at the gas station now, so we’ll be there in ten minutes.”

Me: “All right.”

(I don’t leave the station for the next ten minutes. Then, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Restaurant] by [College]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Is this the [Restaurant] at [Location at other side of town]?”

Me: *sighs* “No, ma’am; this is the one by [College].”

Customer: “Okay, forget it. I don’t want to drive that far!”

(The order wasn’t claimed, so I had steak for dinner!)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 73

, , , , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

Cashier: “Is that going to be a debit or credit?”

Guest: “I don’t know; it’s the card for your store!”

Cashier: “We offer both a debit and credit card. Is it attached to a checking account at a bank, or do you have a line of credit with the store?”

Guest: “Well, how am I supposed to know that?”

Cashier: “It’s your card. Does it come from a bank account, or are you paying it off at the store?”

Guest: *looks at her husband* “Why are people so stupid these days? I guess it’s a credit.”


This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 72
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 71
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 70

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Not Very Closed Minded, Part 28

, , , , | Right | January 16, 2018

(It’s near the end of the night and we’ve been closed for about half an hour at this point. All of our lights are off, including the one on our drive-thru menu board. I head outside to take out the last load of garbage. There’s a car at our drive-thru speaker:)

Driver: *spotting me* “Hey, nobody is answering me! I’ve been here for five minutes now.”

Me: “Sorry, we actually closed a half hour ago.”

Driver: *seemingly ignoring me, yelling at the speaker* “I CAN’T READ YOUR MENU! TURN ON A LIGHT FOR ME!”

Me: “Sir, like I said, we actually aren’t open right now. We closed about half an hour ago. We’ll be open at 11:00 am tomorrow, though, if you’d like to come by then.”

Driver: *pulls out a flashlight and reads the board* “I WANT A #5 COMBO! HELLO? HEELLOOOO?!”

Me: “Sir, sorry for repeating myself, but we’re closed. Nobody is going to take your order, because we aren’t open. We’ve been closed for a while now, but you’re more than welcome to come back tomorrow when we’re open again.”

Driver: *suddenly notices me again* “Why aren’t you in there making my food? You’ve been out here doing nothing this entire time!”

Me: “I can’t take your order, sir. Even if I did, all of our tills are offline and our equipment is shut down and being cleaned. There is no way I could possibly give you any food tonight.”

Driver: “Oh, well, why didn’t you just say so?”

(He sped off after that.)



Not Very Closed Minded, Part 26

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 25

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 24

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Playing Phone Gag

, , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(A customer has put her shopping basket on the conveyor belt. I take it after scanning her groceries through and notice a mobile at the bottom.)

Me: “Here, you’ve forgotten your phone.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks.” *nonchalantly sticks the phone inside her bra*

(I emptied a bottle of hand sanitiser after that.)

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