Make Coffee, Not War

, , | | Right | June 17, 2008

(I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

(The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

Coworker: “Nope, we’re [Coffee Place].”

Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

Coworker: “I have your drink ready… Give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

Me: “Um, okay…”

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Always Right, Even If It Requires Changing The Space-Time Continuum

, | | Right | June 14, 2008

(A customer walks up to the box office, obviously very angry. She throws a newspaper down onto the counter.)

Customer: “Sir, these show times are wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am, those are yesterday’s show times.”

Customer: *smugly* “Well, why are they in today’s paper?”

Me: “That’s yesterday’s paper.”

Customer: “Oh… well, they’re still wrong!”

Me: “…”

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Murphy’s Law In Action

, | | Right | June 11, 2008

Me: “Tall latte on the bar.”

(The latte does not get claimed.)

Me: “We’ve got a tall latte up here, ready for pickup.”

(The latte still does not get claimed. We make drinks for a few other customers, giving it a few more minutes.)

Me: “Okay, last call for a tall latte. If nobody claims it we’re pitching it.”

(The latte once against does not get claimed.)

Me: “Okay, then…”

(I pour the drink down the sink.)

Me: *to a coworker* “I bet that in less than 30 seconds we’ll get someone asking about a tall latte.”

Woman: *exactly 0.0001 seconds later* “Hi, was there a tall latte?”

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He Does Have A Good Point

, | | Right | June 5, 2008

(A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ‘service’ on it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

Me: “Um, I suppose…”

(I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

(As soon as he left the cooks and I burst out laughing.)

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A Leaf Blower And An Acetylene Torch Should Do The Trick

, , | | Right | June 4, 2008

Customer: “Hi, do you sell hair dryers?”

Me: “Um, this is a hardware store.”

Customer: “Yes, yes, I know that. Do you sell them?”

Me: “No, we sell hardware here. But I’m sure the [Department Store] up the road sells hair dryers.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just look around a bit.”

(About ten minutes later…)

Customer: “You could have TOLD me you only sold tools and nails here, BEFORE I wasted my time. Now I’ll have to go to [Department Store]!”

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