Check A Third Time

, , , , | Working | June 23, 2017

(A friend and I go to a diner that we often visit for a late lunch. We’re pretty much the only ones there. Our server has worked there for years and, although he’s very nice, he’s not very bright. We finish our food and try and get his attention. He smiles and nods. We try again and he looks confused and waves at us. We try a third time when he grabs another server and points to us.)

Server #2: “How can I help you?”

Me: “We’re just ready for the check.”

(She goes back to the counter.)

Server #1: “What did they want?”

Server #2: *exasperated* “They wanted their check.”

Bouncing Around The Club Tonight

, , , , , | Working | June 22, 2017

(The dance floors of this club are ringed with chairs and counters. I’m sitting out a couple of songs when I spot a bouncer whom I’m convinced has it in for me and is now staring at me. I shrug it off and look elsewhere. But seconds later, I feel him grab my shoulder. I turn to see what he wants and gently lift his hand off, but he grabs me again.)

Me: “Can I… help you?”

Bouncer: “Why are you sitting there?”

Me: “I was a bit tired, so I sat down for a while.”

Bouncer: “You need to go home.”

Me: “I’m not breaking any rules.”

Bouncer: “We can discuss this outside.”

Me: “Er… fine.”

(I follow him out.)

Bouncer: *to the doorman* “I caught him sleeping on the dance floor. He needs to go home.” *marches off*

Me: “What? No. I was just sitting down, because I was a bit tired.”

Doorman: “If you’re feeling tired, you need to go home.”

Me: “No, I mean… fatigued from dancing. I wasn’t sleeping; I don’t know why he got that impression. Look, I haven’t broken any rules and I’m not that drunk.”

Doorman: *considers* “All right. Go back in.”

(I go back in and order another drink (only my fourth) and sit down to drink it. The same bouncer comes my way.)

Bouncer: “I told you to go.”

Me: “The doorman let me back in.”

Bouncer: “But you’re sitting down again. If you’re tired you need to go home.”

Me: *gestures at 20 other people sitting round the dance floor* “Do you do this with everyone who sits down in here?”

(He went off to get another bouncer. By the time they got back, I’d finished my drink and got up to dance again, looking nicely energetic. I saw them next to where I was sitting with him gesturing my way and the other bouncer laughing at him.)

Needling Past The Obvious

, , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(One of my friends needs to have her blood drawn for a medical analysis. My friend wears a lot of piercings on her face.)

Me: *to my friend when she gets out* “Was everything okay?”

Friend: “Oh, yes! But something funny happened.”

Me & Girlfriend: “What?”

Friend: “The nurse saw my face, and still asked me if I was afraid of needles.”

Can’t Knock A Good Bout Of Talking

, , , | Learning | June 21, 2017

(This is directly after art class. Everyone is cleaning tables. My friend is known for not listening during art, and talking a lot.)

Friend: *knocks over pencil can while wiping table and talking* “Dang it!”

Teacher: “[Friend], do you know why you knocked that over?”

Friend: “Um…”

Teacher: “It’s because you aren’t focusing on the task. You talk too much and it needs to stop.”

Friend: “I knocked over a pencil can!”

Teacher: “If I hear you talk one more time, I’m going to write you up. Is that clear?”

Friend: “Yes, ma’am.”

(Bear in mind this was while we were cleaning off tables, not during class. Everyone else in the room was talking, including me, and he got in trouble for knocking a pencil can over. Needless to say, the next day he talked as much as possible.)

Common Sense Not Included

, , , , , | Working | June 21, 2017

(I work in the souvenir shop at a museum. Aside from sales, our responsibility is to be knowledgeable of everything inside the museum, both exhibits and the products we are selling, which isn’t hard if you make the effort. Generally, everyone I work with is enthused by the museum theme and knows a lot about it but in the last year or so my line manager has been hiring people don’t know anything about what we do and don’t want to learn, which is pushing down targets and satisfaction. One day one of the recent hires and I are serving a group of people at the tills and I overhear the following exchange.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help?”

(Coworker begins ringing through the customer’s goods.)

Customer: “My daughter wants to know if she needs to buy batteries for this products or if they are included?”

Coworker: “I don’t know; I’ll just ask my colleague.”

(Coworker refuses to acknowledge large obvious ‘batteries not included’ signage.)

Coworker: *to Customer* “I’m so sorry, I’ve only been here three months!”

Customer: “What do you mean? You work in a toy shop don’t you?”

Me: *pointing to battery information signage* “[Coworker], it’s right here. Batteries not included.” *to Customer* “Did you want to by some batteries with this today?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

(I hand batteries to my coworker; the transaction goes through and the customer departs.)

Coworker: *to me* “Wow, you’re really brainy. How do you know so much about products?!”

Me: “We’re supposed to. It’s our job.”

(This isn’t the only example. Another one of our coworkers who used to work with her has been working with us for over a year. When I supervise them I frequently get tales about management ‘being mean’ to them; not allowing them to have access to drinking water, for example. It turns out management caught both of them leaving open cups of drinking water right near electricity outlets, putting the whole workplace at risk, and they construed this as an attempt to deny them human rights. I shouldn’t have had to explain the risk to 30-somethings but not only did they not get it, they told me it was ridiculous.)

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