You Want Chicken That Is Number-Crunchy

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at a fast food chain which is known for its fried chicken. I’m working the till at the front counter when a middle-aged woman walks into the store.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering how many chicken wings I would get if I bought a 20 pack?”

Me: “Uh… 20, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, cool. Also, do you have any specials on chicken today?”

Me: “Yup, we sure do! We are currently selling five pieces of chicken for $9.90.”

Customer: “Okay, and how many pieces of chicken would I get in that?”

Me: *just stands there bewildered*

You Have To Have A Lot Of Bottle To Act Like That

, , , , | Working | November 15, 2017

(I’m the bride in this story. For our reception we have purchased and provided all of the alcohol, in order to have an open bar, and hired a bartender to serve it. Because we purchased it, the alcohol is ours to do with as we please, and that means taking home any left over at the end of the night. Partway through the reception, I decide to change out of my wedding dress into something simpler — still a fancy white dress, just shorter and easier to dance in. My hair is still all done up, etc. Near the end of the night I approach the bar and order a drink, and I decide to see how our stock is doing since we were unsure how much to buy to accommodate the length of the event and our large guest list.)

Me: “So, how are things going? How much rum and vodka are left? Did we go through all the wine?”

Bartender: *giving me a once-over with a look of disdain on her face* “You do not need to know how much alcohol there is. It’s not your concern.”

(I am stunned but don’t want to have any drama on my wedding night, so I just shrug and go back to the party. At the end of the night there are just a few of us cleaning up, and one of my cousins comments on how much he loves one of the wines we were serving.)

Me: *handing my cousin an unopened bottle of the wine* “Here, take this bottle, then; there’s some left over and we don’t need it all!”

Cousin: “Thanks!”

(He takes it, only for the bartender to snatch it back and tell him he can’t just take leftover alcohol. I am a bit annoyed at this point.)

Me: “Actually, all of the alcohol was paid for and supplied by us, so if I want to give him this bottle to take home, I will.”

(The bartender sort of froze and stared at me before one of her coworkers pulled her away. She ended up apologizing profusely to me; apparently she didn’t recognize me out of my wedding dress. She thought I was a guest fishing around for alcohol to take home, despite the fact that she met with us more than once prior to the wedding and I was still in a fancy white dress!)

Your Realization Skills Are Out Of Gas

, , , , , , | Learning | November 14, 2017

(I’m in college, coming back from a cross-country meet with my teammates. Our school is small, so we take two mini-buses and have our coach and assistant coach drive them. I’m on the bus with our assistant coach, only about five minutes away from home, when we run out of gas. We pull over to the side of the road and try to call our coach and his wife. Another truck pulls over and my assistant coach goes to talk to the driver.)

Assistant Coach: “Thanks for stopping; we have a bit of a problem, here!”

Truck Driver: “Hey, do you know what time the cafeteria closes at [Other College in our town]?”

Assistant Coach: “Uh, no. We’re actually from [College], but we’re kind of out of gas.”

Truck Driver: “Oh, yeah? I’m running a bit low, too. Thanks, anyway.” *drives away*

(Eventually, our coach’s wife did bring us some gas. I still wonder if that guy eventually realized we were asking him for help.)

A Different Kind Of Cold Caller

, , , , | Related | November 14, 2017

(I run the reception desk of a medical centre. Usually I deal with people insisting they need emergency appointments when they don’t, but occasionally it’s the other way around. On this day I receive a phone call from a elderly man.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help?”

Caller: “I’d like a doctor to come out and see my wife. I can’t wake her up.”

Me: “I think you should call an ambulance.”

Caller: “Oh, no, I don’t want to bother them.”

Me: “No, really, sir. If she won’t wake up, you should phone for an ambulance.”

Caller: “I don’t want to waste their time. I’m just a bit worried because she seems really cold. Couldn’t a doctor come out?”

Me: “How long has she been unresponsive when you try to wake her?”

Caller: “About three days.”

(As it clearly wasn’t an emergency any longer, a doctor did go round and declare the woman deceased. I still can’t believe he didn’t phone an ambulance as soon as she wouldn’t wake up!)

It’s About To Become An Even Bigger Deal

, , , , , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(I am the manager on duty and have just received a call that we need to evacuate due to a gas leak. I am trying to contact my boss and evacuate the customers when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, I need to ask you something.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve actually been asked to evacuate due to a gas leak. It will have to wait.”

Customer: “Look, that’s not important. I need you to answer a question for me.”

Me: “No, sir, we have been ordered to evacuate. This is urgent. You need to leave the premises immediately.”

Customer: *getting irate* “I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this.”

Me: *giving up* “It is a big deal, but what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Which one of these lighters works best?”