My extended family is having dinner out at a local restaurant that just opened.

Waitress: “What can I get you today?”

Me: “Can I have the beef stroganoff without any sour cream, please?”

Waitress: “What?! But it’s so good with sour cream!”

Me: “I don’t like sour cream.”

Waitress: “You should just try it. It’s delicious.”

Me: “Please don’t add sour cream to my beef stroganoff.”

Waitress: “You need to stop being so picky. Beef stroganoff isn’t the same without sour cream.”

By now, my whole family is staring awkwardly at her.

Me: “I don’t want any sour cream.”

Waitress: “But it’s—”

Me: “I’m allergic.”

I’m not, but this conversation, dear readers, is why many people who have food preferences have to lie about allergies.

Waitress: “Oh, why didn’t you say so? One beef stroganoff, no sour cream.” *To my cousin* “And for you?”

Cousin: “I’d like the triple berry pancakes.”

Waitress: “Triple berry pancakes, okay. And next?”

She takes all of our orders. Later, when our food comes out…

Cousin: “I ordered triple berry pancakes. These are just strawberry.”

Waitress: “Yeah, we’re out of triple berry. I figured the strawberry ones are close enough.”

Cousin: *With a dumbfounded expression* “You didn’t even ask if I wanted plain strawberry.”

Waitress: *Dismissive* “They’re close enough.”

The waitress leaves, and my cousin glares at her back as she does.

Cousin: “I really would have rather ordered something else than get plain strawberry pancakes.”

Grandpa: “Why are there peppers and onions in my omelet?”

Mom: “You ordered the ham and cheese one, right? She put it in front of me. The peppers and onions one is mine.”

They swap dishes.

Me: “At least she didn’t put sour cream on my beef stroganoff after all that.”

The waitress got no tip. The restaurant closed within a year.

A woman calls customer service.

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Store]. This is—”

Caller: “Your f***tard of a cashier didn’t give me all my bags!”

Me: “That language is unneeded. Which register were you at?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “When were you here?”

Caller: “A couple of days ago.”

Me: “What are you missing?”

Caller: “Why the inquisition?!”

Me: “Because you insulted and accused a cashier with no identifying information. You can’t just say, ‘I don’t have it,’ and expect us to hand over whatever you want.”

Caller: “Jesus Christ. I was at register five, I didn’t get [several items], and it was last Saturday.”

I check our big “Left Behind” book.

Me: “Hmm… no one reported anything that day. If you—”

Caller: “Your incompetence is not my problem. I will be there in fifteen minutes, and you had better have my replacements.”

Normally, if the customer has the receipt and it’s not some big-ticket item, we will bend the rules, let them go get what was left behind, and document it for inventory. But that is at our discretion.

Me: “Ma’am, I have no proof that these were left behind. For all we know, you left them in the cart or they rolled under your car seat. I will not be replacing them without the receipt and checking the camera to see what happened.”

Caller: “I will have you fired.”

Me: “Okay, have a nice day.”

I hang up and go on with my day. About an hour later, a woman cuts the line, comes right to me, and slams a receipt on the countertop.

Customer: “Give me my s***. I called and talked to some b****, and—”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “I said no. You cut in front of all these people, you were rude to me on the phone, and now you’re trying to give me a receipt with a timestamp from two minutes ago saying it was from Saturday.”

Customer: “You—”

Me: “This is an attempt to defraud, and I will call the police.”

She balled up the receipt and threw it at me before leaving. When I had a free moment, I looked up previous transactions with the same card used in that transaction, using register five on Saturday to narrow it down.

I found it and confirmed that she had purchased all of her missing items. From there, I went to security and asked them to check the cameras for this transaction. She took every bag and berated the cashier for trying to start the next transaction before she walked away, even though all her bags were off the carousel.

Security watched her leave the store, load up her car… and leave the bag with the missing items in the cart, which she left sitting in the parking lot.

I work with tutors. [Client]’s daughter’s course switched from 2:00 pm to 3:00 pm early on in October. It’s a bit inconvenient for [Client], but we only have one teacher for this course who just can’t start any earlier. [Client] was informed in September and given the offer to reschedule to another day at 2:00 pm, leave the contract early without a cancellation fee, or accept the new time. He chose the new time.

Every Thursday morning, I either get a phone call or a message from [Client].

Client: “When does [Child]’s course start?”

Me: “[Child]’s course is every Thursday at 3:00 pm. Our courses take place every week unless it’s a public holiday or [easy-to-remember condition].”

Client: “Okay, we’ll be there.”

It is now the second week of November. Today, again, [Client] tried to drop [Child] off at 2:00 pm. When reminded of the correct time slot, he got angry.

Client: “[Boss] never told us this was permanent! It was supposed a one-time thing because the teacher was sick and the substitute was only available at 3:00!”

This is easily proven false since we send out all changes in writing, even if we’ve spoken on the phone. I tell him the date we wrote to him that we had a substitute for the day and the date when he was informed of the permanent time change — thirteen days apart.

Client: “Well, I still didn’t know this was permanent! It’s inconvenient because if it started at 2:00, I could carpool with [Client #2].”

I listen and express regret about the inconvenience. Then, even though it hurts my soul, I apologise for the mix-up. I’m doing this because this is his sixth year as our client, [Child] is the third child this family has enrolled, the kids are super well-behaved and low-maintenance, and I alone have enrolled four new families due to their word-of-mouth recommendation — a high number as we have really slow turnover.

As soon as I start commiserating, everything is fine. If I skip the part where I show him the evidence, he’ll demand the non-existent 2:00 pm slot, but if I justify myself first and apologise then, it does the trick.

Client: “Oh, so it’s every Thursday at 3:00 pm? It’s inconvenient, but that’s all right, then. [Child]’ll be back at 3:00!”

See you next week, for the same song and dance!

I went with a friend to help him purchase a new refrigerator. I brought my truck, and he was paying me to bring it back to his house.

We got to the big box store, and he found the one he wanted. The sales associate talked him into applying for their store card and explained that he would get a discount for using the card on his purchase.

My friend was approved, and the associate clearly explained:

Associate: “The store card will be used to make today’s purchase.”

Friend: “I understand.”

Associate: “So, that’s [total].”

My friend pulled out his own credit card to pay.

Associate: “No. The store card will be used to make today’s purchase.”

Friend: “I understand.”

Then, the associate handed him the receipt and went over it. The price of the fridge and the discount were applied, and the total cost had been run through the store card.

Again, my friend tried to hand his own bank card over.

Associate: “No, sir, you are all set.”

Friend: “But how do I pay for it?”

Me: “Dude… you have already paid for it with the store card.”

Friend: “…oh.”

Related:

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 115
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part… *Quiet Sobbing*
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 114
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 113
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 112

I’m about to launch a website that I’ve been working on for a client for about three months. The design comps were finalized and approved about two weeks in, and every subsequent conversation I’ve had with the client included her telling me (at least once) how much she loved the design and how excited she was about it.

The day before launch, I’m talking to the client on the phone trying to get the last bits of content from her.

Client: “Oh, I had one question about the colors.”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Client: “Well, those obviously aren’t the actual colors you’re using on the website, right? When will the real colors be in?”

Me: “Uh… you approved the design over two months ago.”

Client: “Right… but I’m talking about the colors.”

Me: “Color is a big part of what design is. So, those are the final colors.”

Client: “Oh, well, I hate those colors. Make everything blue.”