The Car To Reception Teleporter Was Broken

, , , | Learning | November 19, 2017

(A couple of years after I leave school, I am invited back to be involved in the mentoring programme. The first time I go to meet the coordinator, I park and start walking from the main gate towards the main entrance when I meet a teacher.)

Teacher: “Excuse me. Where are you going?”

Me: “I’m visiting; I’m just going to main reception to–“

Teacher: “You shouldn’t be wandering around here”

Me: “Oh, no, I’ve just arrived; I’m going to sign in at the reception now.”

Teacher: “You’re supposed to sign in as soon as you get here and wait for a member of staff to collect you from the entrance area.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Teacher: “Yes, well, remember next time.”

Let’s Hope It Was A Clean Break

, , , , | Healthy | November 18, 2017

(Our two storey house has a lot of windows, many of them quite high up, so we use a window cleaning service. We’ve used the same guy every time. One day, he brings a coworker with him. He introduces me to the coworker, who responds to my greeting by saying curtly:)

Coworker: “Yeah, hi. Where are your taps? We need to get started.”

(I’m working in my home office, which is upstairs. I see the ladder resting against the side of the house and our window cleaner ascending it. He gives me a friendly smile and wave and right then, the ladder wobbles and he falls. I race outside and he’s lying on the grass unconscious. I rush into the house for the phone and as I do, I pass the coworker.)

Me: “[Window Cleaner] has just fallen from his ladder; he’s out cold! I’m calling an ambulance!”

Coworker: “You do that.”

(He doesn’t make a move to check on his colleague; he just carries on cleaning. I call the ambulance and rush back outside.)

Me: “Didn’t you hear what I said? [Window Cleaner] has had a bad fall. Why aren’t you checking on him?”

Coworker: “You just said you’d called the ambulance. What do you want me to do about it? Do you want your windows cleaned or not?!”

(I’m not about to stand there arguing with him and I rush round the house to open the gate for the paramedics and to stay with my window cleaner until they arrive. As they are assessing him he starts to come round, but is later revealed to have a broken ankle, a broken collarbone, and a concussion. After the paramedics have taken him away, I go back to the coworker.)

Me: “I think he’ll be okay. They’ve taken him to [Hospital]. Shouldn’t you follow the ambulance or let his wife know or SOMETHING?”

Coworker: *after a long pause in which he just stares at me* “That’ll be $160.00.”

Reach For The Stars, Just Not Mine

, , , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m out picking a few things up at the local supermarket when I begin to hear a woman ranting loudly at an employee. After about a minute of yelling, I go to investigate.)

Customer: “You’re going straight to Hell for wearing that kind of thing! Satanist! SATANIST!”

(The employee looks to be about 16, and is stocking some shelves. Her protests go unheard, but she is soldiering on, even though I can tell she is about to cry.)

Customer: “It’s witch-scum like you who are calling the devil into our city. You make me sick, wearing a pentagram! Devil w****! DEVIL W****!”

Employee: “Ma’am, for the last—”

(She is cut off by another burst of ranting. I start to walk over. The employee turns to me and I see that her necklace is not, in fact, a pentagram at all.)

Me: “Ma’am, that is enough. Leave this poor girl alone. You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Customer: *sneering* “And what are you? Her witch-lord? Going to cast a spell on a good Christian woman like me? DEMONSPAWN!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not a ‘witch-lord.’ I’m someone who can tell the difference between a pentagram and a STAR OF DAVID, which you, apparently, cannot!”

(The customer went white as a sheet and reexamined the necklace. She left, running. The employee was still near tears, but kept it together.)

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Scrub Yourself Of This Experience

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I am a dental assistant, and I am stopping by [Store] after work one evening to pick up some cat food when I am flagged down by a woman.)

Woman: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Um, yeah?”

Woman: “Finally! Can you tell me if a curling wand is better than a curling iron?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I actually don’t work here.”

Woman: *angrily* “Are you lying to me?”

Me: *a bit confused* “No, I actually don’t work here.”

Woman: “Then why are you wearing a [Store] uniform?”

Me: “Oh, these are scrubs; I’m actually a dental assistant. If it helps though, I just bought a curling wand last week and I liked it.”

Woman: “Well, you shouldn’t come to the store dressed as an employee; you’re just confusing everyone!”

Employee: “Is everything okay here?”

Woman: *increasingly angrily* “She’s impersonating an employee! Isn’t there some rule about not wearing the store’s uniform if someone doesn’t work here?”

Employee: *quite confusedly* “Well, she’s wearing blue. We wear red and tan here.”

Woman: *shouting* “Everyone here is so rude!”

(The employee and I exchange looks, and when she’s out of earshot we burst out laughing.)

Employee: “You’re wearing scrubs, for God’s sake! Is she colorblind or something?”

Me: “The worst part is, this happens every time I go shopping in my scrubs. This was just the most… interesting incident.”

Sidewalking Tall

, , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(I have just been involved in an accident where a car, in the process of avoiding a collision, mounted the pavement and hit me. It isn’t serious, as the car wasn’t going very fast. An ambulance and police car arrive. While an EMT looks me over, a police officer asks me questions.)

Officer: “How fast were you going?”

Me: “Uh, walking speed, I guess.”

Officer: *not believing me* “Sure. And were you wearing a seatbelt?”

(The EMT gives me a funny look as we both realise the officer has gotten me confused with the guy who hit me.)

Me: “Uh, no.”

Officer: *scolding me* “You’re old enough to know how important they are, so why wouldn’t you wear it?!”

Me: “I didn’t know they came with pavements.”

(This set the EMT off and he practically fell over laughing. The officer blushed and ran off. Another officer ended up having to finish the questioning.)