A Flash Of Disrespect

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(My family and I are visiting the Smithsonian and are looking at the Star Spangled Banner. It says in multiple places with pictures, “No Photography.” I see a girl around my age get her phone out.)

Me: “Hey, just so you know, they don’t allow pictures. You might want to put it away so you don’t get in trouble.”

Girl: “Hey, thanks.”

(She then takes a picture right in front of the museum guard.)

Guard: “Ma’am, no photos are allowed! Please put your phone away.”

Girl: “It’s okay, though; I didn’t use the flash!”

(I heard the guard yell at five people while we were in there. Is it really so important for you to get the picture that you’re willing to damage a national treasure?)

Your Skeletons Don’t Need To Be In The Closet

, , , , | Romantic | October 22, 2017

(My boyfriend is notorious for not noticing things in our living space. I have to put things right in front of him for him to notice, and even then it’s 50/50 chance he’ll react. I just put up a small picture of a character from a comic. A few minutes later he walks past it.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, I see you’ve put up a picture of [Character].”

Me: “Yes, I did. I’m surprised you noticed it this quickly.”

Boyfriend: “Why, has it been there long?”

Me: “No, I put it up like five minutes ago. But usually you never notice these things.”

Boyfriend: “Like what?”

Me: “The hedgehog figure I put in the window sill in our previous apartment? It took you weeks to notice it, and it wasn’t even that small or hidden away.”

Boyfriend: “That was just because I never looked at the window sill! Like, right now you could hide a dead body by the living room window and I wouldn’t notice because I never look that way!”

Me: “…Okay.”

They’re Gunning For The Best Remembrance Day Ever

, , , , , | Learning | October 22, 2017

My high school is in a small northern city in Ontario. It’s a low-population area where gun violence is virtually unheard of.

Late one morning the school went into lock-down, after we’d had the yearly drill. It was a real lock-down! Everybody was excited and tense, wondering what caused it, and it lasted about half an hour. I didn’t find out the reason until the next day.

Somebody had called the school, saying they saw a person on school grounds walking towards the building with a rifle. The caller was a parent who spotted this would-be shooter, while dropping off their kid to the school late. They then left their kid in the building as they drove away to make the phone call.

The actual culprit? A drama student, with fake prop rifles.

He had two of them, and he was indeed carrying them into the school. They were for the upcoming Remembrance Day play, and were made of wood.

The Bachelor Party Should Have Been The Warning

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(We have a group of rooms booked for a bachelor party. We get a noise complaint about them at 3:00 am. I call down to get them to quiet down and give them their official warning.)

Me: “You guys need to quiet down; I’m getting noise complaints about your room, and if I get another one, I will kick you guys out.”

Guest: “What? You’re kicking us out? But we have 12 rooms!”

Me: “Right now I’m warning you, not kicking you out. If I get another complaint I will kick you out, though. We have another 40 rooms besides you guys. Being with a group of 12 doesn’t mean you get to disturb everyone else.”

Guest: “But where will we go?”

Me: “Not my problem.”

Guest: “But you didn’t even give us a warning; you’re just going to kick us out with no warning?”

Me: “This is your warning; I’m not kicking you out right now, but I will if I get another complaint about you.”

Guest: “I can’t believe you’re just going to kick us out with no warning!” *click*

The Employees Are In A Vegetative State

, , , , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I decide to stop by the sandwich shop on campus for lunch today. I’m a really picky eater, and I hate lettuce and tomato.)

Me: “Can I get the chicken bacon ranch sandwich? And no lettuce or tomato?”

Cashier: “Sure thing.”

(She puts in my order and both the screen and my receipt say, “Hold lettuce, hold tomato.” I pay and go wait for my food. But when I get the sandwich, there’s a problem.)

Me: “Um, excuse me? This has lettuce on it, and I asked for no lettuce.”

Worker: “Oh, sorry about that! I’ll remake it for you.”

(After a few minutes he makes eye-contact with me and gestures for me to come over.)

Worker: “While I was making it, I accidentally put ranch on it. Is that okay?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, it’s a chicken bacon ranch sandwich.”

(He finishes the sandwich and walks away. This time, not only is there lettuce on it, but also tomato. I go to the cashier this time, more than a little frustrated.)

Me: *after explaining what happened and showing her my receipt* “Can you please have someone else make it? I just want the sandwich, no veggies.”

(This time, a different worker made my sandwich and checked that I want no veggies. She made my sandwich in seconds, correctly this time. The sandwich wasn’t even very good.)

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