Think Before One Flaps One’s Gums

, , , , , | Working | October 24, 2017

(My family and I are on vacation in London. We go to the Great British Beer Festival that happens in August. There’s a little vendor there selling my favorite British candy, wine gums, which I can’t easily buy in the US. I’m fairly certain I have a pretty obvious US accent, having lived there my entire life.)

Me: “I’m so glad I found these here! It’s our last day in London, and I haven’t had any wine gums the whole time!”

Vendor: “You know, we deliver candies all over!”

Me: “All over, really?”

Vendor: “Yeah! We can go anywhere!”

Me: “To the States?”

Vendor: *dejected* “Oh, yeah, I guess not anywhere. I meant within the UK.”

(I was sad, too. I really wanted those wine gums delivered to me!)

These Guests Can Be Draining

, , , | Right | October 24, 2017

(I am starting my shift as a receptionist at the local hotel. I get a call from one of the rooms.)

Guest: *shouting* “Our sink is clogged! I find it horrible that you rent out such expensive rooms that are not properly maintained.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll have someone check it out right away.”

(I called around to see if anybody could go up and check it out, but everybody else was busy. I had to run up a take a look myself. I got to the room and two angry women were waiting, muttering about the bad maintenance of our rooms and slow service. I went into the bathroom, took a quick look at the sink, and saw that they had not opened the drain using the very visible handle behind the tap. I pushed the handle and voila! The water ran out. I then looked at them and bit my tongue to avoid saying anything rude. They just looked embarrassed and said that they didn’t have drains like that where they came from. I left the room and continued my shift with a little less faith in humanity.)

A Flash Of Disrespect

, , , , | Right | October 23, 2017

(My family and I are visiting the Smithsonian and are looking at the Star Spangled Banner. It says in multiple places with pictures, “No Photography.” I see a girl around my age get her phone out.)

Me: “Hey, just so you know, they don’t allow pictures. You might want to put it away so you don’t get in trouble.”

Girl: “Hey, thanks.”

(She then takes a picture right in front of the museum guard.)

Guard: “Ma’am, no photos are allowed! Please put your phone away.”

Girl: “It’s okay, though; I didn’t use the flash!”

(I heard the guard yell at five people while we were in there. Is it really so important for you to get the picture that you’re willing to damage a national treasure?)

Your Skeletons Don’t Need To Be In The Closet

, , , , | Romantic | October 22, 2017

(My boyfriend is notorious for not noticing things in our living space. I have to put things right in front of him for him to notice, and even then it’s 50/50 chance he’ll react. I just put up a small picture of a character from a comic. A few minutes later he walks past it.)

Boyfriend: “Oh, I see you’ve put up a picture of [Character].”

Me: “Yes, I did. I’m surprised you noticed it this quickly.”

Boyfriend: “Why, has it been there long?”

Me: “No, I put it up like five minutes ago. But usually you never notice these things.”

Boyfriend: “Like what?”

Me: “The hedgehog figure I put in the window sill in our previous apartment? It took you weeks to notice it, and it wasn’t even that small or hidden away.”

Boyfriend: “That was just because I never looked at the window sill! Like, right now you could hide a dead body by the living room window and I wouldn’t notice because I never look that way!”

Me: “…Okay.”

They’re Gunning For The Best Remembrance Day Ever

, , , , , | Learning | October 22, 2017

My high school is in a small northern city in Ontario. It’s a low-population area where gun violence is virtually unheard of.

Late one morning the school went into lock-down, after we’d had the yearly drill. It was a real lock-down! Everybody was excited and tense, wondering what caused it, and it lasted about half an hour. I didn’t find out the reason until the next day.

Somebody had called the school, saying they saw a person on school grounds walking towards the building with a rifle. The caller was a parent who spotted this would-be shooter, while dropping off their kid to the school late. They then left their kid in the building as they drove away to make the phone call.

The actual culprit? A drama student, with fake prop rifles.

He had two of them, and he was indeed carrying them into the school. They were for the upcoming Remembrance Day play, and were made of wood.

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