Get Your Head(set) In The Game

, , , , , | Working | March 2, 2018

(I go out with my fiancé and two of our close friends to a nice Thai food place in a shopping center. There’s an outdoor sitting area overlooking the parking lot and a pair of standalone fast food places nearby. A coffee shop is directly across the way from us, and we are able to hear the workers on the drive-thru speaker very clearly. All is going normally, the four of us chatting while we wait for our food, when we hear something odd.)

Drive-Thru Worker: “I swear to God, [Coworker]! If you get sick tomorrow, I’m punching you in the f****** throat!”

(We immediately burst out laughing once the shock wears off. Apparently, the coffee shop worker has forgotten to turn off her headset after the previous customer, and now we can clearly hear her joking and cursing out one of her coworkers over the possibility of her being sick. This continues for quite a bit, the four of us dying of laughter the entire time. Eventually my fiancé gets up, crossing the lot to the speaker.)

Fiancé: “You know that we can hear you, right?”

(There’s a few moments of silence.)

Drive-Thru Worker: “Oh, my God!”

(The headset was turned off, sending us all into another fit of laughter. There was nothing else during the rest of our meal, but we couldn’t stop giggling about it for the rest of the night. It was a really good thing no one drove up!)

Next Time, Print Them A Clue

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2018

(I am waiting for something to be printed off. There are two women talking in front of the printer, so I assume they’re waiting, like me. After a few seconds, though, I realise they’re just gossiping. My report hasn’t printed yet, so I continue to wait.)

Coworker #1: “Excuse me. Do you mind not being so nosey?!”

Me: “I’m not even paying attention.”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, right. Why don’t you go bother someone who’s actually interested?”

Me: “This is the closest printer.”

(They both look at each other, confused, completely oblivious to the printer behind them.)

Coworker #2: “Whatever chat-up line that was meant to be, it didn’t work. Also, I’m married.” *shows ring*

Me: “So am I. I’m waiting for the printer.”

Coworker #2: *shouts* “Oh, so we have an adulterer in the office!”

(This gets the attention of everyone around us, and both women start ranting at me for being a misogynist. My report finally finishes printing.)

Me: *interrupting* “Sorry, but I’m already late for a meeting.”

(I reach my arm forward and both women lean away from me in disgust. I grab my report and turn.)

Coworker #1: “HOW DARE YOU TRY—”

Coworker #2: “Oh, [Coworker #1], we’re in front of the printer!”

(I heard a lot of laughter as I left for the lift. No one tends to hang around the printer anymore, thankfully.)

A Sign From The Lord

, , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(My chorale meets once a week at a church on Wednesday nights, and since we share the building with various other organizations, chorale members have a specific code to get in. The following ensues the first time we try to use our new codes.)

Chorale Lady: *punches code* “Huh?”

Me: “Oh, you can’t—”

Chorale Lady: *ignoring me, punches code again* “They said this was the code… It’s supposed to be [code], right?” *punches it again without waiting for an answer*

Me: “Um, ma’am…”

Chorale Lady: *punches random buttons* “Ugh, this is SOOOOO frustrating!”

Me: *feeling amused and a bit annoyed, points to big 8.5×11″ sign above the keypad* “This might be why. ‘Codes are not working this week; please use intercom.’”

Chorale Lady: *blinks for a minute, then waves dismissively* “Oh, I never read signs if I don’t have to.”

Me: *face-palm*

Stuck In A Holding Pattern

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2018

(I work in clothing retail in a small chain store. Most calls get redirected to my department, shoes, since the only other department with people in the immediate area is mens’. I’m also in the middle of a transaction when I get this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is the shoe department. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Ugh, I need someone from salon.”

Me: “Okay, may I put you on hold for a moment?”

Caller: “No, I need to speak to someone in the salon.”

Me: *thinking she didn’t hear me* “Okay, may I put you on hold for a moment?”

Caller: *huffs* “No! I don’t want to be put on hold!”

Me: *pauses* “Oh, well, I have to put you on hold for a moment to redirect you to the salon department.”

Caller: “Ugh! I don’t want to be put on hold! I just want to speak to someone in the salon!”

Me: *pauses to think* “I can put the phone down and go right over to the salon and get someone to come over to this phone.”

Caller: “No! I don’t want to be put on hold! I’ve been waiting all day!”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, is there anything I can do for you?”

Caller: “No! I need someone from salon!”

(My supervisor walks up and overhears what I’ve been saying.)

Supervisor: *to me* “No, you have to put them on hold.”

Me: *mouthing* “I know.” *into phone* “Well, I need to put you on hold for a moment, or I can just place the phone down and grab someone from salon.”

Supervisor: *to me* “No, you don’t need to do that.”

Caller: “No! I’m not going to be put on hold again, wait for 20 minutes, and get disconnected again!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do for you, then?”

Caller: “I need to talk to someone in salon.”

Me: *tries from the beginning* “Okay, may I put you on hold for a moment?”

Caller: “No! I don’t want to be put on hold!”

Me: “Well, I have to put you on hold to—”

Caller: “Ugh! Fine, just put me on hold!”

Me: “Okay, one moment please.”

Caller: “Ugh! You’re so rude!”

(The salon picks up within a minutes and, when asked, the client seemed to be reasonably pleasant.)

A Sign That You Should Have Called In Sick Today

, , , , | Working | February 28, 2018

(One of the women’s restrooms at my work is closed for cleaning. There’s a sign hanging in the middle of the doorframe saying it is closed.)

Coworker: *walks up to door, looks at sign, and ducks under it to walk in*

Me: “Are you f****** serious?”

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