Cross-Exam

, , | Canada | Related | December 28, 2011

(I’m living away from home, going to school. My parents call me almost every night for a short chat.)

Mom: “How was class today, honey?”

Me: “I didn’t have class. I had my lab exam, remember?”

Mom: “Oh, right. Did you learn anything new?”

Me: “No, I had my lab exam!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your lab exam?”

Me: “Today!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your next exam?”

Me: “Monday. Mom, I’m going to head off now.”

Mom: “Ok, honey, love you. Good luck in your exam tomorrow.”

Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2

, , , | Right | December 21, 2009

(We’ve had to close down a road due to a car crash in a snow storm. Fire trucks and ambulances are there with lights flashing to block the road. I’m at one side of the street directing traffic.)

Driver: *slows down looking at the scene* “What happened?”

Me: “Accident, ma’am. Please keep moving.”

Driver: “Can I go down the street? It’s a shortcut.”

Me: “The road is closed, but you need to keep moving. You are going to cause another accident.”

Driver: “I didn’t cause any accident! I’m a good driver. How dare you imply that I’m not?! I’m just trying to get home. Why are you being so rude?! I will have your badge, you little b****!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you are not going to move then you need to pull to the side of the road now!”

Driver: “I pay your salary! You are supposed to help people! Don’t you want me to get home? I have a family, you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you do not pull to the side of the road right now or drive away I am going to arrest you.”

Driver: “Fine!”

(With that, she drives straight down the closed street and nearly hits me. Due to all the snow she loses control and crashes into one of the parked cruisers.)

Driver: “This is all your fault! Why didn’t you tell me the road was closed?!”

 


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We Can Also Give It Lots Of Benadryl

, , | Right | April 28, 2008

(Our new drugstore is assigned a phone number that had previously belonged to the animal shelter. We ALWAYS answer the phone with our store name and hours, but people don’t always listen. This becomes annoying, but one of my coworkers likes to have fun with it.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. I have this raccoon in my backyard.”

Coworker: “Hmm… that’s nice.”

Caller: “Yeah, well it seems to be acting strangely… like it’s crazy.”

Coworker: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Caller: “Well, you should do your job and come out and get rid of it! Isn’t that why I pay my taxes?”

Coworker: “Okay, then. Give me your address.”

Caller: *gives out address*

Coworker: “All right, after I close the drugstore I’ll be over with my shotgun around midnight. There will be a loud noise, so warn your neighbors. Since I don’t work for your taxes, just tape a $20 bill inside your mailbox, more if you want a fancy burial. Have a nice day!” *click*

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Making Excuses For A Lack Of Brain Cells

, , , | | Right | November 28, 2007

Customer: “Okay, I’m all set.”

Me: *rings the draperies she wants up* “Okay, your total is $768.22.”

Customer: “What?! Aren’t they on sale?”

Me: “No, only the pleated draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “What’s the difference? Why aren’t these ones on sale too?!

(Customer’s husband comes over.)

Husband: “What’s going on?”

Customer: *to Husband* “These panels aren’t on sale!”

Husband: “Oh… well, how much does it come up to?”

Customer: “They come out to like $800 bucks.”

Husband: “Well… what do you wanna do?”

Customer: *sigh* “There are signs EVERYWHERE saying that these are on sale.”

Me: “No, there are signs everywhere saying that the PLEATED draperies are on sale.”

Customer: “But that entire room has signs! They all say they’re 20% off.”

Me: “I’m sorry to say, but all the signs in that room all say, ‘SALE: All Pleated Draperies 20% Off.’ Want me to show you?”

Customer: “No, it’s fine… Whatever.”

(I finish ringing up the transaction.)

Customer: *signing receipt* “Ugh, it’s just misleading, you know? There are literally a hundred signs in that room that say that the draperies are on sale.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but they do specify what kind of draperies are on sale.”

Lady: “Well, I don’t buy draperies every day, so I don’t pay attention to stupid details like that!”

Me: “Okay… I hope they work out for you. Have a good day.”

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Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

, , | | Right | November 25, 2007

Me: *answering phone* “Welcome to the award winning [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I would like a room.”

Me: “And when would you be arriving, sir?”

Caller: “Huh?”

Me: “When do you want the room?”

Caller: “Oh! Tonight…”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are completely booked tonight. Would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

Caller: “You have no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have any rooms like that. We sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ’emergencies.'”

Caller: “Oh. You have suites, too, don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

Me: “No rooms.”

Caller: “No suites?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We have no rooms of any kind, suite or otherwise. Now, unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

Caller: “No rooms?”

(*click*)

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