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Talking Your Way Out Of Business

, , , , | Working | October 2, 2020

While on vacation in a resort town, my mom decides we’re going to go hit a few antique stores. One such store has some interesting items for sale, but everything is just stacked haphazardly all over, with some valuable items even piled outside in the rain and getting ruined. An employee — who looks to be the only one aside from the owner — comes up to us while we’re browsing.

Employee: “Can I help you find anything?”

Mom: “Oh, no, we’re just browsing. Things are kind of piled up everywhere, aren’t they?”

Employee: “Yeah, we used to be in the much bigger building next door. But business has been so bad that we couldn’t afford the rent for it, so we moved here. They’re putting in a mattress store over there; can you believe it? There’s no love or appreciation for small businesses anymore.”

Mom: “I’m sorry. Is that why there are things piled up outside?”

Employee: “Yeah, we had to move in a hurry. Hopefully, we’ll do better here and be able to afford a bigger place.”

Mom finally finds something she wants to purchase and goes to the register where the owner is waiting. But a local has just come into the store, and instead of helping my mom, the owner opts to make small talk with the local.

Mom: “I’m ready to pay.”

Owner: “Just a minute, honey.”

She resumed talking to the local.

We stood there for ten minutes, and the owner showed no inclination to end her conversation — which was in no way related to her business. Mom finally gave up, put her purchase back, and we left. Maybe people would appreciate your business more and enable you to afford your rent if you actually paid attention to paying customers.

The Great Brain Shutdown of 2013

, , , | Right | September 21, 2020

Just as I am leaving the post office on October 1st, 2013, a man comes in.

Man: “Why are you guys still open? The government is shut down. You’re supposed to be closed!”

Teller #1: “We’re not owned by the government.”

Man: “Yes, you are. The government owns the United States Postal Service.”

Teller #2: “We’re actually an independent establishment; we’re not owned by the federal government. So we’re still open.”

Man: “You ladies don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Teller #2: “Whatever you say, sir.”

Teller #1: “Yeah, the customer is always right.”

A Creep In Training

, , , | Right | September 11, 2020

I am a seventeen-year-old girl, and I recently received a partial promotion, meaning I won’t get the full one until my eighteenth birthday. This occurs on a very slow day when there is one visible female cook in the back, and the other two employees are out of sight.

Customer: *Walking in* “Hey, beautiful.”

Given that the guy appears to be about thirty-five, I quickly alert my male assistant manager over the headset that I’m slightly creeped out. However, I help him while I wait for my coworker. I hand him his food.

Customer: “Is it just you two girls working tonight?”

Me: “No, sir, there are two more employees doing other things in the back.”

Customer: “Oh, all right.”

A few minutes pass, and I start to clean.

Customer: “Hey, [My Name]?”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Customer: “Do you need someone to come move in with you, pay half of your bills, and take care of you?”

By now, I’m almost ready to call the cops, and I hold down the button to speak with my coworker as I reply to what he said in hopes that he’ll get context clues.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I have a steady boyfriend, and I’m only seventeen years old.” 

Customer: “Oh, my bad! Your name tag said, ‘Crew Trainer,’ so I thought you were older.”

Me: *Laughs* “Uh, yeah, that’s fine.” 

Assistant Manager: *Over the headset* “Get behind the counter, please, so he’ll stop looking at you.”

At that point, my assistant manager was visible to the customer, and from then on, he maintained a space between us until the guy left. To this day, I’m still freaked out about it!

Getting Down And Dirty About Pricing

, , , , , , | Right | August 26, 2020

I was working at a farmer’s market. The vendor next to me was selling carrots for $1 a bag — pretty good price, excellent produce. A customer whined, “[Big Box Low-Price Grocery Store] has them for $0.79!”

[Vendor] looked him in the eye and said, “I crawled on my hands and knees in the mud to harvest these. They’re a dollar!”

The customer meekly paid and took the bag of carrots.

Not Quite Feline It, Part 3

, , , | Right | August 18, 2020

Customer: “Do you have any books told from an animal’s point of view?”

Me: “I’m sure we do. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Do you have any that were written by a cat or a horse or a dog or something?”

Me: “Erm, no, sorry. But I can recommend this series about a cat who solves mysteries…”

Not Quite Feline It, Part 2
Not Quite Feline It