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Quite Dim At Sums

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2011

(The customer punches in her debit number at the end of the transaction.)

Customer: “Now, which key do I press?”

(There are three buttons. Cancel (x, red button), back (left arrow, yellow button) and enter (carriage return, green button).)

Me: “The green one.”

Customer: “I can’t read those Chinese pictures.”


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Hopefully, The Idea Will Stick

, , , | Right | February 6, 2011

(A customer holds an open envelope with a prepaid label on it.)

Customer: “I don’t know how to ship it or anything.”

Me: “Well, basically, you’re gonna want to seal it up and give it to me.”

Customer: “How do I seal it up?”

Me: “You peel off this strip here”.

(I point to the peel-off backing of the adhesive strip.)

Customer: “But how do I peel it off?”

Me: “With your fingers?”

He’s Gonna Need A Huge Courtroom

, , , , , , | Right | October 16, 2008

(I’m calling to renew magazine subscriptions.)

Me: “Hello, may I speak with [Customer]?”

Customer: “This is him, and you know… I’ve gotten five calls from Boise, Idaho, today!”

Me: “So sorry, but I assure you it wasn’t us. Our system only calls once per day.”

Customer: “Do you work for them! Do you work for Boise, Idaho?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess. But there are a number of call centers here in Boise. Maybe one of them called you?”

Customer: “No! It was Boise, Idaho! You know what? This is what’s going to happen… Let me have your name!”

Me: *gives name*

Customer: “Well, son, you are now involved in a lawsuit! I am suing Boise, Idaho, and everyone who works for Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “…are you serious?”

Customer: “Yes! I get calls all the time from Boise, Idaho, and I’m sick of it! I’m on a ‘do not call’ list!”

Me: “Well, you subscribed to this magazine, so the list doesn’t apply. However, I can put you on our system’s ‘do not call’ list and we will never bother you again.”

Customer: “This is so illegal. I’m taking your job and suing Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “I wish you the best of luck in suing Boise, Idaho, sir. I really do.” *click*