Trapped In The Kar(ma) Park

, , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I am an operator for a security company. I oversee the fleet, alarms, and cameras and answer calls. We have one gate we have to watch out of a parking complex, as a lot of people try to skip paying, saying the machine is broken.

We are instructed to, no matter what, not open the gate unless people have paid for their tickets. If the machine is broken, I have to let people know that the bill will be sent to the owner of the car instead, seeing as we see the license plate.

One guy calls in:)

Customer: “Hey, I’m at [parking complex] and the machine is broken. Can you open the gate?”

Me: “Have you tried [possible solution]?”

Customer: “Just open the gate, please.”

Me: “I can do that but I have to caution that the machine should be up and running, so if I open the gate I’ll have to send the owner of the car a bill for it.”

Customer: “But the gate is broken.”

Me: “I understand, sir, but you have to pay either way.”

Customer: “OPEN THE D*** GATE!”

Me: “Sir, I have to know if you accept that the payment will fall to the owner of the car. It’s policy.”

Customer: “No, I do not accept! Let me out!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t until you acknowledge what I just said.”

Customer: “I’m calling the cops! This is stealing!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. Feel free to call the police.”

Customer: “Call the cops! I want you to do it!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not calling the cops; they have enough on their plate.”

Customer: “I’m going to f****** kill you!”

Me: “That’s unfortunate.”

Customer: “What’s your name?!”

Me: “I do not have to provide you with my name. If you have a complaint, my company has ways to figure out who you spoke to.”

Customer: “Where are you?! Come here so I can kick your a**!”

Me: “I’m not coming to you so you can kick my a**.”

(My coworkers are listening intently. I’m usually the one who handles calls like this because I remain indifferent to threats and shouting. I care when you’re polite but I don’t have any sympathy for rudeness, and least of all for threats of violence.)

Customer: “Where are you?! Tell me, so I can come kick your a**!”

Me: “I’m at our HQ at [address]. If you have trouble finding it, it’s the big building full of security guards. You’re being extremely rude, so I’m not letting you out. You can walk home and get your car tomorrow. Have a good night.”

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Unfiltered Story #190960

, | Unfiltered | March 29, 2020

We had a special offer where you could mix 10 small fruits and vegetables in a bag for 3.99. However the sign was a bit odd; it said “When you buy 10 you only pay 39 cents for each” instead of just “10 for 3.99”.

A woman comes to my register with 6 in a bag:
Me: Mam, they have to be 10 to qualify for the offer.
Woman: Aren’t they all 39 cents?
Me: No. It’s 39 cents each if you buy 10. I know the sign is a bit odd.
Woman: Why isn’t it just 39 cents?
Me: I don’t really know. That’s a question I’ll be sure to ask my manager.
(She was dead serious)

It’s Harder To Count Near The Arctic Circle

, , , , | Working | March 5, 2020

(I work in a tiny little craft store.)

Friend: “Hello, I’m looking for yarn for waulking. What do you have for that?”

Owner: “Ah, yes, you’ll need pure wool for that! It’s over here in this corner.” *shows selection, gives advice, and is very helpful*

Friend: “I’ll try this colour. How much is it?”

Owner: “Very pretty! That’s 500 kr.”

Friend: *hands over a 1000 kr bill*

Owner: *picks up a calculator, inputs “1000-500” to get the total*

Friend: “…”

Me: “…”

Owner: “All right, that’s 500 back.”

Friend: *stunned* “Thank you…”

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This Guy Runs On Dad Jokes

, , , | Right | November 6, 2019

(My coworker answers a customer phone call early one morning.)

Customer: “How do your buses run tomorrow morning?”

Coworker: “They run on diesel fuel, ma’am.”

(I had to stifle my laugh, and so did the customer.)

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Unfiltered Story #168448

, | Unfiltered | September 29, 2019

(I am working at a Video Game Store where we sell not only video games, but accessories for them as well. A young man comes up holding a Ness Amiibo)

Me: Hello, how are you today?

Customer: I’m fine, just this please.

Me: Ah, nice one. You a fan of Earthbound?

Customer: Yeah, but I’m not actually gonna use it.

Me: Oh? Then what are you gonna do with it?

Customer: Well, as you know, not too long ago, Satoru Iwata passed away… you knew that, right?

(As I heard this, I felt sad. Yes, I heard about it, and it shocked me to no end)

Me: …Yes.

Customer: Well, I’m taking this to Japan and leaving it on his grave, as a tribute to him, and as a thank you, for being such an amazing man. I know of Earthbound, how he reworked the entire code from scratch and saved it.

(I was shocked to hear that, but I felt happy and tears started forming in my eyes)

Me: That… that’s so nice of you.

Customer: I know. And I hope that he can feel it, up there in Heaven.

(I rung up the Amiibo, and he left happily. if you are reading this, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)