Lights Off But Somebody’s Home

| USA | Working | March 24, 2016

(After an evening checking out the local art galleries and music downtown, my dad, sister, and I decide to check out a new ice cream shop. When we get there, despite signs on the door saying they’re open for another hour, there’s not a single person in sight.)

Dad: “Hello, anybody in here?”

Sister: “Maybe they forgot to turn the lights off and lock the door?”

Me: “No, right here it says they’re open tonight until nine; it’s just past eight.”

Dad: “HELLO! ANYBODY HOME?”

Sister: “This… is just a little too creepy.”

Dad: “Yeah, all right.”

(Right after we left, a man wandered out of the kitchen and started mopping the floors. Last I heard, all their locations had closed down. I wonder why…)

Trying In Vain-illa

| USA | Working | March 15, 2016

(I’m in the mood for vanilla ice cream, so I stop by a shop.)

Me: “One small cup of vanilla, please.”

Worker: “Sure, will that be vanilla bean, French vanilla, or Madagascar vanilla?”

Me: “Um… Bean?”

Worker: “Sure.”

(He goes to a flavor labeled white chocolate and starts filling it up.)

Me: “Um, I wanted vanilla not white chocolate.”

Worker: “Oh, they’re the same thing.”

You’re Being An Awesome Somebody

| USA | Right | February 17, 2016

(I’m buying ice cream and checking out; there is a customer in front of me.)

Cashier: “That’ll be $4.25.”

Customer: *snootily* “Um. Do you know who I am?”

Cashier: “No?”

Customer: *shrugs* “No one important. Keep the change.” *hands a $10 bill and leaves*

(The cashier couldn’t stop laughing. Most amusing part of my day.)

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Raspberry Lie

| Manchester, England, UK | Right | December 7, 2015

(I am restocking cones when a man comes in with his little girl and starts looking at the ice creams with her, trying to help her decide. A minute or so later this happens:)

Dad: “Ooh, look at this one. Do you want this? ‘Raspberry ripple,’ that’s vanilla with strawberry in it!”

Me: “…”

Bad News Flies Around

| KS, USA | Working | November 27, 2015

(I am working at an ice cream and burger restaurant. I notice a dead fly in the strawberry ice cream. I discretely pull my manager aside.)

Me: *quietly* “There’s a dead fly in the strawberry ice cream. What should I do?”

Coworker: *shouting* “HEY! THERE’S A DEAD FLY IN THE STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM!”

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