I’ve Gotta Get Out Of Displace

| TN, USA | Working | October 11, 2015

(I frequently go into a nearby ice cream parlor for a ‘hand-packed’ bucket of ice cream, which the attendant fills after you select the size and flavor.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

Attendant #1: “What size?”

Me: “…1lb. 8oz.”

Attendant #1: “We don’t have that.”

Me: “…Medium?”

Attendant #1: “We don’t have a medium. Do you want a pint?”

Me: “Does your pint weight 1lb. 8oz.?”

Attendant #1: “Why would I know that?”

Me: “Because the sizes on your menu are listed by weight.”

Attendant #1: “…So you want a quart then?”

Me: “Please show me the sizes of container you have.”

(Attendant #1 holds up three buckets.)

Me: “Okay, I would like the medium one.”

Attendant #1: “All right.”

(Weeks later:)

Me: “Hi, I would like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

Attendant #2: “Is… is that the half-gallon?”

Me: “It’s the medium.”

Attendant #2: “Okay…”

(Days later:)

Me: “Hi, I would like the 1lb. 8… I would like a medium container of [flavor].”

Attendant #1: “We don’t got medium.”

Me: “You’re out of containers?”

Attendant #1: “No, we don’t carry mediums.”

Me: “The median of the three sizes on the menu?”

Attendant #2: “Menu’s wrong. We only have two sizes now.”

Me: “…Are either of those sizes the same size as the buckets that were medium earlier this week?”

Attendant #2: “Same buckets even!”

Me: “…and they are now?”

Attendant #2: “Small.”

Me: “May I have a small, please?”

Attendant #1: “Sure.”

(Epilogue: they’re considering ceasing sale of the large size, because nobody buys them, because it’s inexplicably significantly more expensive per ounce than the smaller containers… and they still haven’t fixed their menu.)

Having A Brain Freeze

| AB, Canada | Right | September 30, 2015

(We are an ice cream shop but we have a selection of frozen yogurt and lactose-free ice cream as well.)

Customer: “What’s the difference between ice cream and frozen yogurt?”

Me: “Well, ice cream uses a heavy cream base while frozen yogurt uses a yogurt base.”

Customer: “So the frozen yogurt is actually yogurt?”

Expects To Be Spoon-Fed

| Myrtle Beach, SC, USA | Right | September 29, 2015

(I’m a cashier at an ice cream/frozen yogurt franchise.)

Customer: “Can I get a small bowl of vanilla soft serve with cookie dough topping, and can you, like… mix it in?”

Me: “I can… give you a spoon!”

Positive Negative Racism

| ON, Canada | Working | July 29, 2015

(I am buying an ice cream cake for my father’s birthday, and I hear this funny exchange between two cashiers. Cashier #1 is black.)

Cashier #1: “I’m thinking of dying my hair, like, all blond.”

Cashier #2: *jokingly* “NOOOO! You’ll look like a negative!”

(They both laughed.)

H2-D’oh!

| Fairbanks, AK, USA | Working | June 23, 2015

(It falls to me to train all the new high school kids. This is my trainee’s first job and we’re doing the general cleaning at the end of the night. All we have left to do is mop the floors.)

Me: “Okay, when filling the mop bucket, you only need to use a small amount of the floor cleaner, since we get the concentrated stuff.”

(I fill the cap from the jug with cleaner and pour it into the bucket.)

Me: “That’s all you need.”

Trainee: “That’s it?”

Me: “That’s it.”

(I walk away to finish counting the nightly deposit. A few minutes later she comes back to me.)

Trainee: “I think I need more floor cleaner. I’m not done with the lobby but I’ve already run out.”

Me: “…what?”

(I walk over to the mop bucket and it is empty, and the mop is almost completely dry.

Me: “Didn’t you add water to the bucket?”

Trainee: “I have to add water? But you said that all I needed was the floor cleaner.”

(She had never mopped a floor and therefore didn’t know that you needed water AND cleaner in the bucket.)

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