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How Gluttons Complain

, | Right | March 28, 2008

(I was a customer observing this in line, not the employee.)

Customer: “I’d like a hot fudge sundae.”

(The worker makes a hot fudge sundae and presents it to customer.)

Customer: *eats spoonful of sundae* “The ice cream is melting.” *eats another spoonful*

Worker: “I’m sorry. It’s probably because there’s HOT fudge on top of it.”

Customer: *spoonful* “The ice cream is too soft. *spoonful* I can’t eat this.” *spoonful*

Worker: “I could try to remake it for you, or get you something else.”

Customer: *still chowing down* “This is just awful.”

(The customer takes another spoonful–by this time about half the sundae is gone.)

Customer: “How do you expect people to eat this–” *spoonful* “–when the ice cream is so soft?” *spoonful* “The ice cream should be hard!” *spoonful*

Worker: “Would you like something else?”

Customer: *spoonful spoonful spoonful* “Don’t bother. Just throw it away.” *spoonful*

(The customer hands what little is left to the worker and stomps away indignantly, still complaining.)

My Wife: *not very quietly* “What a b****!

Worker: *smiles at my wife*


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I Woke Up Today And Felt Like Complaining

, , | Right | March 22, 2008

Angry Man: “This is ridiculous! Look how small these cones are!”

Other Server: “Uh…?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Angry Man: “Yeah! Each time I come in here, the cones get smaller and smaller, and the scoops are tiny!”

Me: “Sir, those are standard-sized scoops. But if you’d like, I can add on a bit more ice cream.”

Angry Man: “It’s not about the ice cream! It’s the fact that you are taking money from people and making everything smaller. This is ridiculous! Don’t you feel ashamed?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… I’ll talk to my manager about that if you’d like.”

Angry Man: “Yeah, well, good!”

(He tries to toss the ice cream cone in the trash, but misses. He picks the cone up off the ground and throws it away. The other server and I try to keep from laughing.)

Angry Man: “You’ve just lost a customer for life!” *stalks out, red-faced*

Me & Other Server: “Wow…”

(In re-enters a customer with his son who I had just served moments before.)

Another Customer: “Don’t worry about that guy. He was just screaming at someone over at the next-door grocery store for not having the correct amount of bananas per bunch.”


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…And Stupidity Resolves Itself

, , | Right | January 31, 2008

Woman #1: “This is not my ice cream. I ordered the butter pecan! It’s simple; just scoop ice cream!”

Woman #2: “This is not my ice cream, either! I ordered the maple walnut! How d*** complicated is it to give people the right ice cream?”

(Glancing at both of their ice creams, I realize that the problem was their fault because they just took each other’s ice cream.)

Me: “Yeah, complicated…”

(I walked out back and watched them on the security camera until they realized they were the idiots and left.)


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You Can Never Dumb It Down Enough

, , | Right | January 29, 2008

(We wanted to avoid common questions, so we made a massive wooden ice cream cone and put it up on the counter to display the number of scoops possible, and the price at each level. This thing was like 4 feet high, each scoops with a diameter of at least 1 foot.)

Woman: “Hi, how much is one scoop?”

Coworker: “Oh, right here…” *points to sign*

Woman: “JESUS! Those are huge! How could anyone eat that much?”

Coworker: “…”

(I ran into the back, almost in tears from laughing.)


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What A Concept: Ice Cream That Melts

, , | Right | January 20, 2008

(Hot summer day temperature in the nineties. Tons of people in line because the shop is in an amusement park and everybody wants soft ice cream, which makes the soft ice even softer as it doesn’t have time to chill properly. A male customer, who bought soft ice cream for his family thirty minutes or so earlier, comes up to the window very upset.)

Customer: “The soft ice cream is melting! My kids are a total mess!”

Me: “Well, it is hot outside, what are you gonna do?”

Customer: “You should put up a sign to let people know that it will melt!”

Me: “I don’t assume my customers are idiots.”

(The customer bangs the ice cream cone on the counter and storms off. The next customer in line looks at me and laughs:)

Next Customer: “I’ll guess I’ll just have the regular ice cream then.”


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