You’re Being An Awesome Somebody

| USA | Right | February 17, 2016

(I’m buying ice cream and checking out; there is a customer in front of me.)

Cashier: “That’ll be $4.25.”

Customer: *snootily* “Um. Do you know who I am?”

Cashier: “No?”

Customer: *shrugs* “No one important. Keep the change.” *hands a $10 bill and leaves*

(The cashier couldn’t stop laughing. Most amusing part of my day.)

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Raspberry Lie

| Manchester, England, UK | Right | December 7, 2015

(I am restocking cones when a man comes in with his little girl and starts looking at the ice creams with her, trying to help her decide. A minute or so later this happens:)

Dad: “Ooh, look at this one. Do you want this? ‘Raspberry ripple,’ that’s vanilla with strawberry in it!”

Me: “…”

Bad News Flies Around

| KS, USA | Working | November 27, 2015

(I am working at an ice cream and burger restaurant. I notice a dead fly in the strawberry ice cream. I discretely pull my manager aside.)

Me: *quietly* “There’s a dead fly in the strawberry ice cream. What should I do?”

Coworker: *shouting* “HEY! THERE’S A DEAD FLY IN THE STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM!”

Plainly Rude

, | Brighton, England, UK | Working | November 21, 2015

(My mother gave me just enough money to get an ice-cream from the beach kiosk. Plain cones and cups were £1.50, waffle cones were £2.10.)

Me: “Can I have one scoop of mint-chocolate chip in a plain cone please.”

Sales Girl: *placing a filled waffle cone on top of the counter* “That’s £2.10.”

Me: “Um, no, I asked for a plain cone.”

Sales Girl: “We’ve run out of plain cones. We’ve only got waffle left. That’s £2.10.”

Me: “You didn’t tell me that. I’ve only got £1.50.”

Sales Girl: *shouting* “Well, I’m not going to waste this cone! Come on, £2.10, now!”

Me: *near tears* “I haven’t got it!”

(The girl scraped the ice cream out of the cone into a paper cup, then hurled the waffle cone into the bin.)

Sales Girl: *grabbing my money* “Take that, and don’t ever come here trying to cheat me again! You kids, trying to get a free waffle cone! Push off!”

I’ve Gotta Get Out Of Displace

| TN, USA | Working | October 11, 2015

(I frequently go into a nearby ice cream parlor for a ‘hand-packed’ bucket of ice cream, which the attendant fills after you select the size and flavor.)

Me: “Hi, I’d like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

Attendant #1: “What size?”

Me: “…1lb. 8oz.”

Attendant #1: “We don’t have that.”

Me: “…Medium?”

Attendant #1: “We don’t have a medium. Do you want a pint?”

Me: “Does your pint weight 1lb. 8oz.?”

Attendant #1: “Why would I know that?”

Me: “Because the sizes on your menu are listed by weight.”

Attendant #1: “…So you want a quart then?”

Me: “Please show me the sizes of container you have.”

(Attendant #1 holds up three buckets.)

Me: “Okay, I would like the medium one.”

Attendant #1: “All right.”

(Weeks later:)

Me: “Hi, I would like a 1lb. 8oz. container of [flavor].”

Attendant #2: “Is… is that the half-gallon?”

Me: “It’s the medium.”

Attendant #2: “Okay…”

(Days later:)

Me: “Hi, I would like the 1lb. 8… I would like a medium container of [flavor].”

Attendant #1: “We don’t got medium.”

Me: “You’re out of containers?”

Attendant #1: “No, we don’t carry mediums.”

Me: “The median of the three sizes on the menu?”

Attendant #2: “Menu’s wrong. We only have two sizes now.”

Me: “…Are either of those sizes the same size as the buckets that were medium earlier this week?”

Attendant #2: “Same buckets even!”

Me: “…and they are now?”

Attendant #2: “Small.”

Me: “May I have a small, please?”

Attendant #1: “Sure.”

(Epilogue: they’re considering ceasing sale of the large size, because nobody buys them, because it’s inexplicably significantly more expensive per ounce than the smaller containers… and they still haven’t fixed their menu.)

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