A Uniform Response

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | May 13, 2016

Customer: “Can I get a medium vanilla soft serve?”

Me: “Yeah, no problem. Would you like toppings?”

Customer: “Yes, but I have a question; do you have to buy to work here?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well the apron you’re wearing is for sale here, so you have to pay to work here, right?”

Other Customer: “Um, that means you can buy the apron they wear.”

Customer: “Well, then I would have to work here.”

They’ve Been Spoon-Fed Their Whole Life

| IN, USA | Right | May 8, 2016

(Our ice cream shop mixes all of its 36 flavors ourselves in the back of the store, some of which are unique to the very small franchise, so we offer small taster spoons of flavors to customers so they can decide on their flavor.)

Me: “What can I get for you today, sir?”

Customer: “Can I taste your chocolate peanut butter brownie?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I reach into the pint container of clean taster spoons on the inside of my service window and grab a spoon to serve the customer his taste. The customer puts the spoon in his mouth and eats the ice cream.)

Customer: “I’ll just have a small chocolate.”

(I went to scoop his ice cream. While I was doing that, he opened the CLOSED service window, reached inside and deposited his USED spoon in the pint container of CLEAN spoons we use to serve all the customers. There was a little trashcan right outside the window just for this purpose. I stopped what I was doing and just stared incredulously at the customer. After serving him I ended up throwing the entire pint container of spoons away – obviously.)

How A Bad Pun Is Conceived

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Friendly | May 5, 2016

(My friend and I decided to swing by an ice cream place. We chose the flavours and I asked for my ice cream to be in a cone. The ice cream guy started putting it in a cone, but halfway through the cone broke, so he just simply put the unbroken part of the cone with ice cream ball stick to it into a new cone.)

Me: “Look, [Friend], it’s a cone in a cone!”

Friend: “Don’t go in there.”

Me: “It’s a cone-ception!”

(Awkward pause.)

Friend: “Did you just?”

Me: “But it IS a cone in a…”

Friend: “Just stop right here.”

Wallets Come In All Shapes And Sizes

| CA, USA | Working | April 28, 2016

(My friend owns a small ice cream shop close to the beach, which makes him quite a bit of money. One day, while we are hanging out, he offers to give our group a free round of ice cream. We head down to his store, wait in line, and get up to the counter to order.)

Employee #1: “Hey, [Friend]. Decided to treat yourself?”

Friend: “Yep. This group is on me.”

(We order, and my friend steps over to the cashier to have them record the ‘sale’ for inventory purposes. Before he can say anything, the cashier speaks up.)

Cashier: “That will be [amount].”

Friend: *pauses, then smiles* “Well, okay, then. I guess that works.”

(He pulls out his wallet, while the cashier looks up and actually recognizes him, getting a really startled look on his face. My friend pays and walks out with us.)

Friend: “I suppose it doesn’t really matter if I keep my money in this wallet or that one.”

Banana Split Of Opinion

| King of Prussia, PA, USA | Right | April 26, 2016

(Our standard banana splits are made with vanilla ice cream, chocolate, pineapple, and strawberry sauces, peanuts, whipped cream, and a cherry. We always ask people if they would like to change the flavors or toppings before we start making the item.)

Customer: “I’d like a banana split.”

Me: “Okay. We usually make that with vanilla ice cre—”

Customer: “No. No. No. I want it with two scoops of strawberry on either side, and one scoop of vanilla in the middle. No toppings but the strawberry sauce, and whipped cream but no cherry.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I proceed to make the banana split. Ice cream goes down first, then the sauce, then half a banana split long ways down either side, then whipped cream. I bring it to the window.)

Me: “Here you go. Will that be all?”

Customer: *disdainful look* “Yes… That’s all.”

(He pays and I give him his change. He is about to walk off.)

Customer: “You know you did this all wrong, right?”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Customer: “I’ve been coming here for five years and they’re never like this.”

Me: “I’ve been working here for a few years and this is how I was trained to make them. What is it that you don’t like?”

Customer: “The banana is on top of the ice cream. I’ve been coming here for five years. It’s supposed to go on the bottom.”

Me: “Like… under all the ice cream?”

Customer: “Yes. How am I supposed to get to the ice cream without touching the banana when it’s like this?”

Me: “I think the point is to be able to eat the ice cream and banana together.” *points at poster of banana split on store front* “See? That is how we make them here. If you would like me to remake it, I’d be happy t—”

Customer: “No. I’ve been coming here for five years. This is all wrong.”

Me: “Would you like me to refund your money?”

Customer: “No. No. NO. This is just wrong, though.”

Me: “So you don’t want a replacement item and you don’t want a refund?”

Customer: “No.” *continues to stand at counter blocking the next customer in line*

Me: “I’m sorry but beyond remaking the item and a refund, there’s not really anything I can do. Would you like to speak to my manager?”

Customer: “No.”

(He continued to stand there for another minute, looking down, flaring his nostrils at his ice cream, blocking the next customer in line. Finally he moved away. Ten minutes later, I saw him throw his empty carton out. I guess he found a way around the banana.)

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