Father: “No, you can’t get a big ice cream. You won’t eat it. You’ll get a small one.”
Boy: “But Daddy, a medium one, please.”
Father: “They don’t have medium — only big and small — so I’m getting you a small.”
Boy: “Mediuuuummmm, pleeeease!”
Father: *looks at the display next to the window saying, “small 120g 2PLN, big 200g 4PLN”* “One medium 120-grams ice cream, please.”
Boy: “Oh, thanks, Daddy!”
(I work for a popular ice cream shop. One evening an older woman comes into the shop.)
Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “Good, thank you. I’m wondering if you have any ice cream that is sugar-free; I’m diabetic.”
Me: “Of course. We have a vanilla that is sugar-free.”
Customer: “Oh, is that the only one?”
Me: “Let’s double-check.”
(I walk around to the front of the ice cream display, as there are cards with the ingredients for customers to read. After double-checking, I answer her question.)
Me: “My apologies; vanilla is the only sugar-free flavour we have right now.”
Customer: “That’s okay. I suppose vanilla would be okay… or I could throw caution to the wind and treat myself.”
Me: *laughs* “That is always an option.”
(We spend a few minutes small-talking about life. I realize I need to start closing the store, so I try to steer the conversation back to ice cream, since she hasn’t actually ordered.)
Me: “Have you decided which flavour you would like?”
Customer: “I think I will get the sugar-free vanilla.”
Me: “Great, let me get that for you.”
(I try to pass her to go behind the counter.)
Customer: “Are you required to try everything in the store?”
Me: “It’s recommended that we sample the ice cream and the chocolates that are on display; that way we can best recommend or give an accurate description of the flavours.”
Customer: *smirks, reaches out to touch me, and places her hand on my stomach* “I can tell you have; looks like someone has been indulging while working here.” *proceeds to jiggle my stomach*
Me: *smile quickly fades away* “I’ll get your ice cream.”
(I got her ice cream and said goodnight as she happily skipped out the store with her cone. I happily never saw her again.)
Mom: “What kind of ice cream do you want?”
Little Girl: “Blue!”
(After scooping her blue bubblegum ice cream, I hand it to the little girl and she runs off to sit and eat it at one of the nearby tables. Her parents and I focus on the rest of the family’s order, but a few minutes later we look over at her and see her face completely smeared with bright blue ice cream.)
Mom: “Oh, look at you! You’ve turned blue!”
Dad: *to me, slightly accusatory* “You’ve turned her into a Smurf!”
Me: “[Coworker], we better call [Boss]. We’ve had another Smurf incident!”
(A customer has just asked to mix two sundae flavors together. She picks the two flavors that have the most toppings in them. They’re hell to top on their own; together is going to be miserable. My manager clarifies with her in case she doesn’t realize exactly what comes with each.)
Manager: “Ma’am, that is a lot of toppings to put in. That’s going to be two different kinds of cookie pieces, chocolate chips, peanut butter, strawberries, and cheesecake pieces; are you sure that’s what you want?”
Customer: “Jesus f****** Christ! Can you do it or not?”
Manager: *gritting his teeth* “I’ll have that right out.”
Customer: “Hey, wait, can I have an application? Are you hiring?”
(Later, after she’s finished her application, she waves me over impatiently from where I’m busy taking an order so she can ask me to get my manager back to her.)
Manager: “I really won’t be hiring for another month, just so you know.”
Customer: “Well, can’t you just hire sooner?”
(I asked my manager if he would consider her, because she seemed like a bundle of sunshine to work with, but he said no.)
(I work in an ice cream shop. I am serving a middle-aged customer.)
Customer: “Do you have a lemon?”
Me: “Do… Do I have a lemon?”
Customer: “Yeah. A lemon.”
Me: “A lemon drink?”
Customer: “A lemon.”
Me: “A lemon?”
Customer: “A lemon.”
Me: “What?”
Customer: “A squeezable lemon.”
Me: “A squeezable lemon.”
Customer: “A squeezable lemon.”
Me: “There’s a grocery store across the street.”
Customer: “They don’t have a squeezable lemon.”
Me: “I’m sorry, I just… We don’t sell squeezable lemons.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Because we sell ice cream.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “I don’t understand.”
