Freely Fraudulent

| Vallejo, CA, USA | Right | October 3, 2012

Customer: “Hey, could I get a sample of the Rocky Road ice cream?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I give the customer a small sampler spoon of Rocky Road.)

Customer: “Yummy! Hey, could I get a bunch of these samplers, scooped in a cup?”

Me: “Uh, sure?”

(I grab the scoop and start to put Rocky Road in a cup.)

Customer: “NO, NO, NO, NO! I wanted a bunch of free samples scooped in a cup!”

Me: “…You want a free cup of ice cream?”

Customer: “YES! HOW HARD WAS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you free ice cream.”

Customer: “It’s not free ice cream. It’s a whole bunch of free samples!”

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Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

| NY, USA | Right | August 23, 2012

(The following happens when a well-dressed man comes in with bags full of sweets and gifts.)

Customer: “What’s your favorite flavor?!”

Me: “I like the lemon.”

Customer: “Then, give me that! A large! It’s for my wife!” *shakes with excitement*

Me: “I guess those presents and sweets are for her, too?”

Customer: *shakes with even more excitement* “YES! Yes they are!”

Me: “Here you go. That will be five dollars—”

Customer: *unable to contain himself* “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! PREGNANT! I’m going to have a little son or daughter! HIGH FIVE!”

(The customer proceeds to high five me over the register and throws a bill onto the table.)

Customer: “I’m going to be a dad! Keep the change!” *skips out of the store*

(The bill he threw? It was $50!)

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Just Plain Nuts

| Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Right | August 3, 2012

Customer: “So, does the Rocky Road have peanuts in it? I’m allergic to peanuts.”

Me: “I’m afraid it does, sir. I’d recommend the Cookie Dough; it’s very good.”

Customer: “No, no, I’ve had that before. Thanks for telling me about the Rocky Road though. Allergies, you know?”

Me: “Yes, sir, my friend is very allergic to peanuts, too.”

Customer: “You’re such a nice girl. All right, I think I’ll have vanilla with the peanut butter candy on top.”

Me: “Sir? Um… the candy has p—”

Customer: “Look, kiddo, you were a big help but gimme my darn ice cream, okay? I’m in a bit of a hurry!”

Me: “Sir, you just told me you had a peanut allergy. I can’t in good conscience give you that topping.”

Customer: “You’re a teenager. You don’t have a conscience! You’re probably waiting for your boyfriend to show up so you can have sex and do drugs!”

Me: *dumbstruck*

Other Customer: “Hey, jerkface, she’s trying to tell you that the candy has peanuts in it! For not having a conscience, she’s being pretty nice about keeping you out of the hospital!”

Customer: *leaves in a huff*

Other Customer: “I’m not allergic to peanuts or delusional. One Rocky Road!”

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Conspiracy Weary, Part 2

| Niagara on the Lake, ON, Canada | Right | July 11, 2012

(The town of Niagara on the Lake is celebrating the 200th anniversary of the war of 1812 and we occasionally get tourists asking about it. This tourist has been nice and friendly up to this point.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a nice day!”

Tourist: “I have a question. What’s all this 1812 stuff about?”

Me: “Well, 200 years ago, the United States went to war with the British in what is now Canada. Neith—”

Tourist: “THAT NEVER HAPPENED! THAT’S A LIE!” *stomps out of the store*

Me: *stunned*

 

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There’s No Amounting For Taste

| Texas, USA | Right | July 5, 2012

(I work in an ice cream shop. Our chocolate shakes are made with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce, rather than chocolate ice cream.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large chocolate shake?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure it’s not too heavy on the chocolate!”

(I make the shake, using about half the usual amount of chocolate sauce, and hand it to the woman.)

Customer: *doesn’t even taste the shake* “No, no, this is way too much chocolate! I needed EASY chocolate.”

(I remake the shake, using only about a quarter of the usual amount. Again, I hand it to the customer, who glances at it without tasting it.)

Customer: *condescendingly* “Are you even listening to me? I’m a diabetic. I can not have too much sugar! Is that really too much to ask?”

(I make the shake a third time, this time adding no chocolate sauce whatsoever. I hand her the shake.)

Customer: *tastes her chocolateless chocolate shake* “THERE, that’s perfect. Was that really so hard?!”

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