His Milkshake Brings All The Girls To The Yard

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | September 16, 2013

(My boyfriend works at an ice cream parlor near my house. Frequently, I drop in to grab a milkshake and chat with him during slow moments. On this particular day, my boyfriend greets me, settles me in with my shake at a table, and goes back to the register to take care of another customer. At this point, two provocatively-dressed young women enter.)

Boyfriend: “Hi! Welcome to [store]! What can I get for you ladies?”

Customer #1: “Oh, you could get me a whole lot.”

(The customers giggle to themselves and then order. My boyfriend has to go in the back to get the ingredients for one order, and after he leaves, the women continue chatting.)

Customer #2: “He’s so hot!”

Customer #1: “Just look at those arms!”

Boyfriend: *sticking his head out from the back* “Ma’am, would you like a regular or king size cone?”

Customer #1: “King size. The bigger, the better. That’s my style.”

Customer #2: “What do you think about that?”

Boyfriend: “Uh. I really don’t—”

Customer #2: “Do you have a girlfriend, hot stuff?”

Boyfriend: “Actually, I—”

Customer #1: “I mean, it doesn’t matter to us, if it doesn’t to you.”

Me: “Well, it matters to me.”

(The customers turn around with snide faces.)

Customer #2: “Why do you care?”

Me: “Hi, I’m the girlfriend.”

(The customers turn their backs on me with red faces. They pay quietly and leave.)

Boyfriend: “You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

Me: “Shut up.”

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Not The Brightest Of The Bunch

| NSW, Australia | Right | August 13, 2013

(I am standing at the front counter next to the bowl of bananas we have for making smoothies. A customer in his mid-20s approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hey, do you sell any bananas?”

Me: “Yes, we do have bananas. However, we cannot sell them to you as we need them for our smoothies.”

Customer: “Great! How much for one?”

Me: “They’re not for sale; we need them. There is a shopping center close by. If you go there, they can sell you bananas, and cheaply too.”

Customer: “Okay… then how much for a banana smoothie?”

Me: “That will be $4.99 for a small, and $5.99 for a large.”

Customer: “Okay… can I get a banana smoothie, but can you not ‘smoothie’ it?”

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Death Defying Oral Hygiene

| ON, Canada | Related | August 2, 2013

(The song “Die Young” by Ke$ha has just come on.)

Sister: “Well, she is gonna die young if she brushes her teeth with a bottle of Jack.”

One Scoop Of Bigotry, With Screams On Top

| KY, USA | Working | July 22, 2013

(I am working with a coworker who has been with us for almost two months. Two customers wearing hijabs—headscarves for Muslim women—enter the shop.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get you ladies today?”

Coworker: *whispering to me* “We can’t serve them!”

Me: “What? Why?”

Coworker: “They’re with those terrorist people!”

Me: “You’re kidding me right? Please tell me you’re kidding.”

(Before I can do anything, my coworker starts yelling at the women.)

Coworker: “You need to leave! We don’t serve sand-n****** here! Go on! Leave!”

(The customers and I are in shock.)

Me: “What are you doing?! Shut up!”

(Our shift manager, after hearing the yelling, comes out to the front counter.)

Shift Manager: “What’s going on?!”

Coworker: *points to the women* “Them! They won’t leave!”

Shift Manager: “What?”

Coworker: “They won’t leave! We have the right to refuse service!”

Shift Manager: “Calm down [coworker]. Now, why are we refusing them service?”

Coworker: “They’re terrorists!”

(Everyone is too shocked to reply.)

Coworker: “THEY! ARE! TERRORISTS! What’s so difficult to understand? We have the right to refuse them service! We don’t need sand-n****** here! They—”

Shift Manager: “STOP RIGHT THERE! Don’t you DARE say another word! In my office, NOW!”

(My coworker hurries to the back. The manager turns to the customers.)

Shift Manager: “I am so sorry ladies. You do not have to leave. Please stay and order whatever you want. It’s on the house.”

(I proceed to take the customers’ order, and apologize for my coworker’s behavior. I reassure them that not everyone thinks like him. They are very nice and forgiving, and even thank me when they leave. As for the coworker, he is fired the next day for discrimination. The sad part is he still doesn’t understand what he did wrong.)

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Tine To Find A New Job

| Miami, FL, USA | Working | July 8, 2013

Me: “Excuse me, can I get another spoon please? I accidentally dropped mine.”

Waitress: “Sure thing!”

(She comes back with a fork.)

Waitress: “Here you go!”

Me: “Umm… a spoon. I need a spoon.”

Waitress: “I don’t understand. I gave you that.”

Me: “Yes, but this is a fork. I can’t eat ice cream with fork. I’m gonna need a spoon.”

Waitress: *looks dumbfounded*

Me: “You know… a spoon… to scoop the ice cream with?”

Waitress: “Oh!”

(She comes back excitedly with an ice cream scoop with her.)

Waitress: “Sfoon!”

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