(I’m looking through a display of jeans when a middle-aged customer approaches me. It’s the middle of winter.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Um, yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “You work here, right?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t.”

Customer: “Oh. Well you’re not wearing a coat!”

Me: “Yeah, I rented a locker so that I wouldn’t have to carry around a big heavy coat while I shop.”

Customer: “Well that’s stupid. How am I supposed to know you don’t work here if you’re not wearing a coat?”

Me: “Uhh, the lack of uniform?”

(I am a customer at a supermarket. I am pushing a trolley with my baby in the child seat. My top is a similar colour to the staff uniform, but a very different style.)

Customer: “Excuse me, where are the vitamin waters?”

Me: “I don’t know. Did you look down the soft drink aisle?”

Customer: “You aren’t going to show me?”

Me: “No, why would I do that?”

Customer: “It’s your job! I’m going to talk to the manager about you!”

Me: “I don’t work here; I’m just shopping.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I saw you put that milk back; you’re re-stocking shelves and you just don’t want to help me!”

(A manager walks past. The customer grabs him and drags him over.)

Customer: “This woman refuses to help me!”

Manager: “She doesn’t work here, so she doesn’t have to. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Of course she works here; she’s wearing your uniform! How dare you cover for her laziness! I’m reporting you to head office!”

Manager: “Ma’am, look at her trolley; we don’t sell babies. She’s shopping; she does not work here. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh! Um… sorry. I was looking for the vitamin waters… sorry…”

(I don’t work at the store, but my uniform is similar to the store I’m at. An elderly man asks me for help and even though I’m not an employee I help him with his list. I eventually finish my shopping and step into a line. I see the old man step up behind me, so I casually step out of line so he can check out his fewer items first.)

Elderly Man: “Did you stop out of line so I could get in front of you?”

Me: “Nope, I was looking at this magazine over here.”

Elderly Man: “Well, you get right back in front of me.”

Me: “No, that’s okay; you’ve got less items than I do, so you’ll go through faster.”

Elderly Man: “Now you listen here, young lady: I’m older than you and you have to respect your elders. Now, respect me and get ahead.”

(I still refuse and because it’s his turn to check out, he has no choice but to unload his items. I unload my things behind his while the man hands the cashier clearly too much money.)

Elderly Man: “You see that insufferable young lady right there? I want you to use this money to pay for her things. Stupidly I thought she worked here, and even though she doesn’t, she helped me find all of my items and then let me go ahead of her. I want you to use that money but give her a condescending look for being such a nice girl.”

Cashier: “You want me to scold her for being kind?”

Elderly Man: “No, I want you to scold her for not listening to her elders. You give her a nice smile for being kind.”

(The man then leaves and I’m checked out.)

Cashier: “That was really the most interesting conversation I’ve ever had, and if he hadn’t paid for your items, I would have for being such an outstanding customer!”

(I am a customer at the grocery store a week before Christmas, dressed very casually in a hoodie, jeans, and t-shirt. I’m waiting in the candy aisle for an employee to return, as I’ve asked her to find a specific brand for me. While I wait, I decide to be nice and help clean up fallen candy in the aisle. As I do so, a woman enters the aisle and stands 15 feet away from me but says nothing. After a minute, she finally speaks.)

Customer: “Bridge mix.”

Me: *completely baffled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “It’s got chocolate and nuts.”

Me: “Well, chocolate is down at that end of the aisle.”

Customer: *goes down, comes back* “It’s not there.”

Me: “Well, I don’t know, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “You don’t work here?”

(I smile and nod and go back to hanging the candy back up, thinking the exchange is over.)

Customer: “You’re stocking.”

Me: “Oh, no! I don’t work here! I’m just cleaning up the mess until the woman who is helping me gets back.”

Customer: “You don’t work here.”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “But you’re cleaning up the shelves?”

Me: “Yes.”

(After a few moments she goes back down towards the chocolate section of the aisle to check again. I happen to look up and notice, on the highest row of candy, several bags of bridge mix.)

Me: “Ma’am? I found it!”

Customer: *comes scurrying over; sees it* “I need it about ten times bigger than that.”

Me: “Well, there are more than ten bags here.”

Customer: “What’s the price say?”

Me: *stands on tiptoe to see* “The thing is blank, so, free?”

Customer: “Typical.”

Me: “Well, I hope you find it. Happy holidays.”

Customer: “You learned something today!” *heads off*

(Eventually the employee woman came back with my candy, and I was able to go off to do the rest of my shopping. However, I kept running into Bridge Mix Woman, and every time, she would tell me, ‘You learned something today!’ That’s why I gave the woman who ACTUALLY worked there a big hug!)

(I am working the jewellery counter at a popular department store. As I am opening the case to show an item to a customer, a second customer walks over and pushes the first customer out of her way.)

Customer #2: “Hey! You! Do you work here?”

(I look up in surprise to see if she is joking. She’s not.)

Customer #1: *sarcastically* “No, she just wears a name tag and has keys to all the expensive stuff for the fun of it.”

Customer #2: “Well, anyway, go find someone who does, then! I need service over here!”

Me: “Someone will be with you in a moment, ma’am, but this lady was here first.”

Customer #2: “Not good enough!”

(Customer #2 storms off in the direction of the watches. Meanwhile Customer #1 stares at her as she stomps away.))

Customer #1: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “I’m afraid so, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Wow. I didn’t think people like that were real.”