Today was a strange day. I was just studying for a test when, around 10:00 am, I realized that I’d run out of snacks. I headed to a big chain store a few blocks from home.

I am about six feet tall and have long hair for a guy. I’m about sixteen years old and am apparently an old people magnet in stores. Because of my purple jacket, black pants, manbun, and earphones in blasting rap music, I don’t really look like an employee, or so I thought.

I was just browsing the store to find some snacks and maybe something for dinner that day. As I ducked to search between the salted nuts for a decent-looking bag, I felt a hard tap on my shoulder. I turned my music off and turned around, only to see a nice old lady.

Lady #1: “Could you help me?”

I always get asked to help by old ladies. I don’t know why, but they always seem to like me.

Me: “Sure, what can I help with?”

Lady #1: “I want a microwave, but I can’t lift it into my cart.”

Me: “I’ll come with so I can help.”

I already had everything I needed now, so I just tagged along with the nice lady and help her with putting the microwave in her cart and onto the belt. I kept talking to the nice old lady.

Lady #1: “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Me: “I just try to help elderly people when I can.”

Lady #1: “Here, let me pay for your things.”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. I’ve got my card ready already.”

When I put her microwave in her trunk, she slid a 10€ bill into my hand.

Lady #1: “It’s good to see that some people still behave well.”

After the nice old lady drove off, I realized that I had forgotten to buy potatoes for dinner, so I ran home, dropped everything off, and went back into the store. This time was less wholesome.

I entered the store and went immediately to the potatoes. I dug around to find the perfect bag. As I was lifting the big bag onto my cart, I heard a groan and the tapping of a shoe on the tiled floor. Thinking that I was standing in the way, I tried to move aside, but the woman standing there wasn’t having it; she started to groan even louder.

I turned around and saw a woman around sixty dressed like a woman in her twenties.

Lady #2: *Loudly* “Finally! I have been trying to get your attention for at least five minutes now!”

Me: “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

Lady #2: *Screaming* “I demand that you help me put my stuff in my car after I pay for it!”

That’s right, demanding, not asking.

Me: “I’m not going to do that; you screamed at me.”

Lady #2: “You have no choice; you have to. It’s your job. I saw you outside helping that other lady fifteen minutes ago.”

Me: “First of all, I am not an employee here, and second of all, if I was, I’d decline to help you due to your behavior toward me just now.”

Then, I tried to walk away, but she tried to push me aside. She pushed harder than I expected and I ended up tripping over a tile that was sticking out partially and faceplanted into the aisle next to me. The woman clearly knew what she’d done, and started screaming:

Lady #2: “Ahhh! No! Don’t touch me!”

I was completely stunned by her actions, so I didn’t know what to say. An employee arrived and the lady started crying and telling him a bunch of lies as they walked to the closest bench so “she could sit to rest after being jumped.”

I tried to get back up myself, but due to my bad landing, I’d managed to hurt my back and couldn’t balance myself properly, so I just decided to just lay down and wait until someone arrived. Luckily, an old man saw everything and came up to me to help me up.

Me: “No, no, I can wait. I don’t want you to hurt your back helping me up.”

The old guy wasn’t taking no for an answer; he just picked me up gently and gave me his cane to lean on.

Man: *With a giggle* “My wife makes me use it just in case, but I don’t need it now.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Then, the manager arrived, looking unhappy. Then, he saw me barely able to stand, and the old man. He asked me what happened and I told him my story. The old guy backed me up.

Manager: “The police are already on their way. You can stay in my office until they get here.”

When we started to hear sirens, I got scared. I was an underage boy with a manbun being accused of assaulting an old lady, so in my head my life was over. I was trying not to puke out of.

The police arrived and the lady told them her story.

Lady #2: “He should be fired!”

Because, yeah, the police can fire me from a store where I don’t work. They came to me and started asking me questions. The old guy was still with us and was getting bored.

Man: “[Manager], just show them the camera footage instead of wasting this kid’s time.”

Manager: “Okay, here.”

He turned his screen to show us the entire thing on security footage. I was so relieved to know that I had proof now.

Police Officer: “Would you like to press charges?”

Me: “I’ll talk to my parents and contact you later.”

He gave me his details and we walked out. The officer then cuffed the lady and she kept screaming all the way to the car.

I ended up buying the old guy’s groceries as a thank-you for helping me. I suffered no permanent damage. The lady was banned from the store and is now facing a lawsuit.

Was it worth it? Probably not. Was it on purpose? Probably not. Did she deserve it? Definitely!

I work for a well-known retail store. My position requires a black polo with my name and the company logo embroidered on it and black pants. My favorite band has just released a new CD exclusively sold at a retail chain known for their red polos and khakis. I am very sweet while at work, but I have a very short tolerance for rude customers, and I am NOT very nice when I am off the clock. I am browsing the other store’s music department after work.

A customer whistles sharply. I ignore him, as I am there with a purpose. The customer whistles again. I finally look up.

Me: “Sorry, did you need something?”

Customer: “About d*** time! They pay you to just stand around and ignore customers?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but one I don’t work here, and two, I’m not a dog, but if you whistle at me like one again, I will be a b****.”

Customer: “How dare you?! I’ll have your job for this, you f****** c***! Manager! Now!”

Me: “You’re welcome to go find him, sir, but I’m afraid you won’t find him here. As I said, I don’t work here.”

The man storms off and returns after a few minutes with a very confused-looking manager.

Customer: “There! That’s the one that swore at me and refused me service!”

Manager: “She doesn’t—”

Customer: “What are you going to do about her? This is terrible customer service! I want her fired!”

The manager and I exchange a glance and a slight shrug, while the customer stands there in his own self-righteous fury.

Manager: “All right…” *squints to read my name on my shirt* “…[My Name]. This is the last straw. Follow me to my office.”

I followed the manager away while the customer stood with his arms crossed, looking very content with himself. The manager pulled me into his office, apologized for the inconvenience, thanked me for playing along, “fired me,” and offered me a $20 store gift card. In the end, I walked out without paying for my CD and had enough left to buy a candy bar, too! Thank you, rude man!

I am studying in the park by my house one afternoon when a cute guy around my age, wearing a sweatshirt from my college, sits down directly next to me. I think that’s kind of odd, especially during a global health crisis, so I kind of scooch in the other direction.

Guy: “So… hi, I’m… I’m [Guy].”

He’s all stuttery and not making eye contact. I think it’s so sweet that he is this nervous to talk to me, so I take the bait.

Me: “Oh, well, hi, I’m [My Name].”

Guy: “Oh. That’s a really pretty name. I never would’ve guessed that would be your name.”

There is a long awkward pause as I try to think what I could say in response to that.

Guy: “So, uh, how about a walk? Around the park?”

I think, “That’s really gutsy to ask, but you know what? I kind of like that.” So, I say sure and pack up my books and off we go. I figured it is the middle of the day and we’re surrounded by other people, so, worst-case scenario, I can always ditch him if things feel shady.

As we walk, he makes more nervous small talk. I tell him some stuff about my interests and background, asking him about his.

Guy: “Wow, I didn’t expect you to actually tell me so much about yourself.”

I’m not sure how to feel about that, but all right.

Guy: “Should I just, should I tell you a little more about me, then? Because it is almost 3:00 pm.”

I figure maybe he has to go somewhere by 3:00 and I missed him mentioning it.

Me: “Sure, tell me everything I should know about you.”

I figure the whole experience to this point has been like a fairy book or sitcom so I should just keep rolling with it.

Guy: “Maybe we should have this conversation at your place.”

Uh… I thought asking me, a total stranger, to stop what I was doing and take a walk with him was gutsy. I think what he just said was sleazy. At best.

I kind of nervously chuckle as I look for non-confrontational outs to the situation.

Me: “Ahaha, we’re definitely not going to my place.”

Guy: “Oh. Okay. Sure, fine. I didn’t mean where you live, necessarily; I just meant the place, wherever it is we’re going. I’m sure you’ve got something all worked out. Anyway, I can start telling you… uh… about myself now, sure.”

He kind of looks around to see if other people are listening.

Guy: “See, I’m really more of an a** kind of guy. I have a major spanking fetish. So, if you’ve got any short skirts or—”

Uh… AAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAT?! Forget the non-confrontational exit.

Me: *Instinctively* “Stop. This conversation is over.”

I turn to hightail it into the nearest store. The guy runs after me.

Guy: “Wait, what? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to— I’m sorry! The ad said you were cool with kinks and stuff, so I just thought… Wow, I’m sorry.”

All right, that slows me down. Did he just say, “ad”? He’s stopped near me now, catching his breath.

Guy: “Again, I’m so sorry, and look, this may not be the best time to ask this, but am I still gonna be charged? Like for the full time? Even if you’re leaving?”

It took a second to figure out, but to make a long story short, this poor guy was experiencing a touch of lockdown loneliness, so he went and hired a call girl off of some personals section online.

She’d told him she’d be there in the park wearing an identical graphic tee to mine, and we apparently have very similar features because she’d described a similar height, build, hair, and eye color to mine.

Once we got everything worked out, he was especially apologetic and begged me not to speak of the encounter ever again in case we know anyone in common.

I’m going to do my best to keep that promise; instead, I’m posting about it under the cloak of Internet anonymity because — oh, my God — I just had to tell someone.

This story is part of our Best Of 2021: Readers’ Choice roundup!

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I’m sitting in a waiting area at the grocery store with my brother and I have a large cast on my foot. I get approached by a customer who keeps glaring at me, walking off, and coming back. Eventually, he speaks up.

Customer: “If only someone could be bothered to help me.”

I don’t know if he is talking to me. Frankly, I am in a bit of pain and don’t care if he is. I don’t have the patience today.

Customer: “If only a worker would actually do his job.”

He is staring at me now.

Me: “Are you talking to me?”

Customer: “Yeah, who else would I be talking to?”

Brother: “He makes a good point.”

Me: “Shut up. Don’t wind him up anymore.”

Customer: “Are you going to show me where the rice is or not?”

Brother: “Sure, hop to it, won’t you?”

Me: “Maybe he can just drag me down the aisle and I can point in the right direction.”

Brother: “Nah, better to stick you in his trolley; you could even make the beeping reversing noise as we went.”

Me: “Maybe he could… Oh, wait. He left.

The man apparently finds a manager and drags him over. The manager takes one look at us and turns to the man.

Manager: “They clearly don’t work here, do they? Even if they did, that one has a broken leg. How would he even be able to help you?”

Me: “Oh, we had some suggestions.”

He did not want to hear our suggestions. The man thankfully disappeared after glaring at us some more. We got our things and the leg healed really well.

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

I am a promoter for a company with a wide range of products; I promote their product in another company’s store. I am usually near the front of the store, pitching whatever new products my company has to people as they pass by.

The number of times people have come up and asked me for help is STAGGERING. But most of the time I help, because I usually know more or less where everything in the store is, or I know where to find someone who does.

I am standing in front of the brushware and cleaning section, promoting a spin bucket mop, when a manager walks up to me with this confused-looking old man trailing behind.

Manager: “Where is the laminate floor cleaner?”

Me: “Sorry, I have no clue.”

I have only been here for a week, so I really have no clue.

Manager: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW?! THIS IS YOUR SECTION!”

I am really taken aback by this sudden tirade so I reply super quietly.

Me: “But I work for [Company], not [Store].”

Manager: “YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT’S IN YOUR SECTION!”

She then looked back at the customer, SIGHED DRAMATICALLY, and walked into the aisle to check for herself. How the h*** could she be so rude to a customer like that? This poor old man followed her like an unloved toddler while she looked through all the cleaning products. Not finding what she was looking for, she told him she would find someone to assist him and then stormed off.

This poor old man was left looking around, all confused, checking back to his shopping list like it would tell him where to go.

Five minutes passed, and I realised that help was not coming from the manager, so he was well and truly abandoned. I went to the promoter for another company and asked him to help, since he had been working there for a month already and was friends with the employees. He called someone to come help, and within seconds, the old man was being led off to another section by an employee.

I later found out the manager works at a desk and has zero clue how the rest of the store works.