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Smells Like Retail Spirit

, , , | Right | April 28, 2022

I was once shopping at a store when some woman stomped up and demanded that I help find a certain item for her.

Me: “No, I don’t work here, so I wouldn’t know if they sell that or not.”

Woman: *Snarling* “You’re just lying in order to get out of working! Help me or I’ll call a manager.”

Me: “Go ahead. You know, employees here wear vests with nametags; I’m in a T-shirt and jeans. You’d better check your attitude if you’re going to get any help whatsoever.”

She screams at a passing manager and tells him to fire me.

Manager: *Confused* “I don’t know him, so he doesn’t work for us.”

She cursed at both of us for bad customer service and stomped out of the store while shrieking that she was never shopping here again.

Manager: *To me* “You work retail?”

Me: *Chuckling* “Yep!”

Manager: “I think she could smell that all over you!”

We shared a good laugh.

A Major Lack Of Observational Skills

, , , | Right | April 27, 2022

I was at a store with an ex once. I had just gotten off work at a dining facility on the local military base. My ex and I were standing in the candy aisle debating which bulk candy we wanted. A soldier walked up to me.

Soldier: “Where is [item]?”

Me: “I don’t know. I’m looking at candy to buy.”

Soldier: “Oh. It’s just that you look familiar.”

Me: “That’s probably because you saw me at dinner two hours ago.”

He left me alone after that.

Honk If You Don’t Work Here

, , , , , , | Right | April 20, 2022

I am an assistant manager at our store. I’ve just started for the day when I hear a disturbing noise and take off toward it. I come around the corner to see a typical surfer dude in board shorts and a tie-dye T-shirt next to a middle-aged woman. The surfer dude is laughing maniacally and yelling at the top of his lungs.

Surfer:Honk! Dee daa dee daa! Hooooooooooooonk!

Woman: *Equally loud*You will respect me! Get me your manager! I will have you fired!

Me: “Both of you, please, stop. You’re disturbing other customers and scaring people!”

Surfer: “Sorry, man, I told her, like, um, a dozen times I don’t work here, and she just won’t stop bothering me.”

Woman: “Stop lying, you worthless piece of s***! You will respect me! You will do your job! I will have you fired!”

Surfer:Honk! Sorry… I tried communicating with her, but she’s just too crazy!”

Me: “Ma’am, he does not work here. Please leave him alone. And, sir, please, stop honking and just walk away! I am so sorry you’ve had to put up with this.”

Woman: *Turning on me* “No! He will not leave! He will do his d*** job! You’re in it with him! I will have you both fired! You won’t get away with this!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t stop screaming immediately, I will have to have you removed from the building and will call the police. Whatever the issue, nothing justifies your behavior. Please stop shouting!”

At that time, the surfer dude turns and starts walking away. The woman immediately shrieks and rams her trolley into him. He’s a big guy, but she sends him flying and he cuts himself as he falls.

Woman: “You will not leave! You don’t turn your back on me! You will respect me!”

The surfer stands up dripping blood and starts walking toward her with murder in his eyes. Where moments before he’d been calm and laughing, he is suddenly very menacing. Fortunately, security arrives and various other people step between him and her.

Surfer: “That’s assault. She assaulted me and I am pressing charges. Call the police now.”

With security there, she was prevented from leaving, and when the police arrived and saw the video, she was arrested and charged with common assault and public nuisance. My manager gave the surfer dude a voucher for his troubles and he told us (backed up by video) that he had repeatedly told her that he did not work for us but she had followed him around the store for fifteen minutes yelling at him until he started honking back. Some people are just crazy.

Making The World A Better Place, One Berry At A Time

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Cabbit_blm | April 20, 2022

I am at a store buying candy for an upcoming spooky holiday. I don’t work at the store and I have a green shirt on. I am browsing when a man in his seventies and a six-foot-tall teenage boy come up to me out of the blue.

Man: “Where can I find the strawberries?”

We are in the right area and I know where the fresh fruit is, so I walk him over.

Man: “No, I wanted strawberries for strawberry shortcake. I have not had any in many years.” *Getting flustered* “I wanted… more creamy strawberry.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here, and I’m not sure what you mean.”

I feel bad as he wanders off to look for others to help him. I watch him walk off, and then I suddenly get the idea: pie filling! I run to the baking aisle to find the strawberry filling, and then I go off to find the man.

I found him a little after near the frozen strawberries, getting slightly upset about how they wouldn’t be right either since the pieces would be too big. I tapped him on the shoulder and waved. Then, I showed him the can.

Me: “I found pie filling. I use it when I want shortcake.”

Man: *Smiling brightly* “This will do great! Thank you. You’re a great worker.”

Me: *Smiling back* “I don’t work here.”

Man: “Why did you help, then?”

Me: “You asked me. It doesn’t hurt to ask; you’re no better off if you didn’t ask at all.”

We part ways and I head to the candy aisle. I find the good candy up high. I’m only five feet tall, so I start to try and climb up to reach the big pack of normal candy bars. Then, a tall teenage boy comes up and helps me get them down.

Me: “Thank you.”

Teenager: “No problem. You helped my grandpa in being able to enjoy his favorite snack with us. He asked me to help you. He wanted me to say, ‘It doesn’t hurt to ask.’”

The teen walked back to his grandpa and we all waved and parted ways.

We Can Only Hope She Learned Something

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Barefootstallion | April 20, 2022

I have always been a very self-confident type of person, but I’m also easygoing and always do my best to be decent to people. I was just brought up that way. I also expect it from others and have absolutely zero patience for people who think it’s okay to act out or be blatantly rude.

One afternoon, I was at a large store trying to do some shopping. I hadn’t thought much about it, but I happened to be wearing the store’s colors: a dark blue button-up shirt, neat jeans, and nice work shoes. I am a trucker and was wearing a shirt from my company.

At some point, I heard a loud, pointed throat-clearing behind me.

Woman: “Ahem! Excuuuuse me!”

A woman in business attire is standing behind me. She gazed at me sternly, her eyes steely, her demeanor as if she were about to berate a servant who had erred.

I stared, silent for a moment, gathering back a swell of irritation at just seeing the attitude this lady had, and then I just simply blurted:

Me: “What?”

She jerked back, incredulous, as though I had just slapped her. But she was also quick to recover.

Woman: “Employees should not speak to customers in such a fashion!”

My brows just went up. That was all. But I said in a very level tone:

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Then I turned away from her, just intent on going back to my shopping.

Woman: “You do not turn away from me!”

She went so far as to grab the back of my suspenders.

I very calmly turned back around and looked down at her a second. (I’m six-foot and she was like five-foot-and-a-half or something.) Then, I leaned down very close to her face — this was long before the health crisis — and began in a very low voice:

Me: “I said…”

Then, I raised my voice to its loudest by the word, finishing with:


By the time I was out with, “HERE!”, I was so loud that I could have been heard all the way through this superstore. I even think I blew her hair back a little.

The look on her face was wonderful.

Woman: *Stammering* “I… I… I’m sorry. I thought you were—”

Me: “Thought I was an employee, yes.”

I was still dead in her face.

Me: “Which you thought gave you the right to speak to me and treat me as though I was beneath you.”

I leaned in even closer. She stood, spellbound, a viper and mouse — she the mouse, me the viper.

Me: “Well, I got news for you, lady. Buying stuff from a store and spending a little money does not grant you license to abuse or belittle people.”

I straightened and then turned on my heel and walked away from her while she stood there gawping like a fish out of water, absolutely speechless.

It was delightful.