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Slip In A Book About Irony While You’re At It

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2021

In the library where I work, you can renew your loan as long as there is not someone else waiting for that particular book. This is so patrons won’t have to wait longer than necessary for their books. However, not all patrons understand that library services mean you have to share.

For health reasons, we are offering phone and curbside service only.

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Library]. You’re speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Patron: “I have a few overdue loans that I want to renew; I’m not finished with them.”

Me: “All right, let’s have a look and see if I can help you with that. May I have your details, please?”

The patron gives me the information I need to look them up in the system.

Me: “Thank you! All right, I can renew [Book #1] and [Book #2] for you, but unfortunately, someone else is waiting for [Book #3], so that one needs to be returned as soon as possible.”

Patron: “Aw, can’t you make an exception? There is a health crisis going on, you know.”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware, but that is a very popular book, and a lot of people want to read it right now. I’m afraid you need to return it, but I can put a new hold on it for you as soon as it’s been returned.”

Patron: “That’s horrible service! How am I supposed to return the book, huh? You’re not even open!”

Me: “There is a slot right outside our entrance where you can return your books twenty-four-seven. If you’re in isolation and no one can help you return your books, we can arrange for a safe pickup outside your home.”

Patron: “All right, all right, I’ll get my husband to drop it off when he gets a chance, but it probably won’t be until next week. I just want you to know that this is very inconvenient for me. Anyway, while I have you on the phone, can you check if any of my holds have come in? I was expecting a book last week.”

Me: “Ah, yes. I can see that one of the books you have on hold seems to be overdue. The patron who has it checked out hasn’t returned it yet.”

Patron: “What?! Why won’t they return their books in time? I’m waiting for that book! You need to call them and make them return it immediately! My husband will be in town tomorrow; he’ll pick it up for me then!”

At this point, I had just given up on humanity in general and mumbled something halfway polite before I ended the call as soon as I could.

Customers That Leave A Bad Taste

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2021

I am a supervisor at a popular store. Now that the holidays are over, it has been pretty slow, so we have fewer associates in the store since there is less to do.

I am the current manager on duty and I am talking to my assistant manager about upcoming projects near the registers. The cashier takes the one customer in line and asks how her shopping experience was.

Customer: “Terrible! I don’t think there is anyone working upstairs at all!”

Cashier: *Casually* “There probably isn’t.”

The assistant manager and I exchanged bewildered looks. There is never no one working in an area, especially at night when the bulk of the work gets done. There are also several price checkers on each floor that all have a button to call for an associate. We both approach the register.

Assistant Manager: “We do have four people working upstairs right now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry that you weren’t able to find anyone. Is there anything you were looking for? I can have someone help find it now.”

Customer: “No, I found [Upstairs Associate]. She was very helpful. But I had to go and find her. You should have more people. I want your corporate phone number.”

While the assistant manager shows her where she can get the number and briefly explains the funding and floor coverage, I relay communication to our upstairs team to make sure they are not getting too absorbed in one area and to remember to walk their areas so that customers know they are there.

Customer: “I usually like shopping at [Store], but this whole experience has left a bad taste in my mouth. We’ll see how I feel about it tomorrow. No wonder my store in Alabama is closing.”

Assistant Manager: “There are three to five stores that are closing in order to reopen in different locations. So [Store] is keeping the same number of stores.”

We make sure that the customer doesn’t need anything else and let [Cashier] finish. I then have to leave for my lunch. 

The transaction ends up taking almost forty minutes! It’s usually five to ten minutes max for a very full cart. The customer lost her wallet upstairs, so [Upstairs Associate] brings it down and then she and the cashier start talking for a while. Luckily, there are almost no other customers in the store, and we have someone there to help the couple that come up to check out.

Later on, I am talking to the assistant manager about it. 

Assistant Manager: “…and guess what? [Customer] opened a [Store Credit Card]! I guess she didn’t have such a bad taste in her mouth that she didn’t want to stop shopping here!”

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

, , , , | Related | March 1, 2021

Like all dads, my dad hates when lights are left on when you’re not in the room. This exchange occurs as I’m walking back into my bedroom after getting up to blow my nose. My dad is standing at the kitchen counter pouring a drink.

Dad: “Hey… why is your bedroom light on if you’re not in there?”

Me: “Because I left it on?”

Dad: “But you’re not in there.”

Me: “Maybe the bed likes the light; you don’t know.”

He starts to argue when I happen to glance over and see his bedroom light on.


There’s a long pause.

Dad: “Now, listen here, you little s***…”

We’d Be Seriously Pee-ved

, , , , | Healthy | February 23, 2021

I am seeing my primary care physician.

Doctor: “You really need to start taking a multivitamin.”

The following year, I see them again.

Doctor: “Why on earth are you taking a multivitamin?! All you’re doing is making your pee expensive.”


, , , , | Friendly | February 16, 2021

When our family and my husband’s younger sister’s family both had small children, we visited each other on a regular basis. Admittedly, it was very obvious that, when his sister was the host, she would prefer we left after one or two hours while her husband wanted us to stay the entire day, so we usually only stayed for three or four hours at most.

They both claimed to be fond of nature and to be very spiritual. However, we learned that my sister-in-law will often express opinions or sentiments she feels she ought to have instead of what she really means or feels. On two occasions, I spent quite a while making her homemade gifts only to have her turn her nose up at them. She would say that she liked them but it was obvious she didn’t and that she was actually angry at us for having given her exactly what she asked for. I have been selling my crafts at markets, so I seriously doubt it was the quality of the gifts which was the problem. She only likes things that are store-bought. In reality, she is the most materialistic person I know.

We stopped talking about nature hikes and such with them because of one incident.

Sister-In-Law: “What did you two do last weekend?”

Me: “Not much. We just hung around the house and then we took a short trip to the local forest on Sunday.”

She screeched at me that our way of living wasn’t the only right way to do things. We thought they also went to the forest on a regular basis, but now we think that was more wishful thinking than reality and she expected me to read her mind and know that.

We often did them favors and lent them things. We have helped them move on four occasions. The last time we asked friends and family to help us move instead of using a company, her school was closed that entire week. She didn’t help us, as she needed rest. When school wasn’t closed, she only had to be at school ten to fifteen hours a week and had hardly any homework.

She doesn’t understand why she can only keep friends for a maximum of two years and we are quite happy to live far away from her now.