I worked with a man who was either incompetent or sexist (or both). He always asked the women in the office to make his copies, get his dry cleaning, or fetch coffee, despite none of us being his secretary.

I was at my desk, which just happened to be near — but not beside — the copy machine. 

Coworker: “I need forty copies of this.”

He dropped a stack of papers on my desk. I looked at the copier.

Me: “Looks like it’s available.”

Coworker: “So, make my copies?”

Me: “I am busy doing my job.”

Coworker: “And you can’t take two minutes to make copies?”

Me: “In the time we’ve had this conversation, you could have made your own copies.”

Coworker: “So could you! Oh, my God! Are you so lazy?!”

Me: “Your secretarial work is not in my job description.”

He snatched the papers from my desk and stormed off to Human Resources. I half-expected them to either tell me to do it to end the argument or ask me to show him how (which would still be me doing it for him). Fortunately, they basically told him that he had been around enough copying machines that he should know how they work.

I am washing my hands in the office restroom when I see another coworker exit the cubicle and head straight for the door.

Me: “Aren’t you going to wash your hands?”

Coworker: “Who are you, my mother?”

Me: “No, just someone who cares about hygiene.”

Coworker: “No one cares! Get over yourself.”

I make a mental note to never shake this guy’s hand or touch anything he is near.

Later that week, another coworker bakes some cookies and brings them into the office in a tin to share. I see this dirty coworker go over to the tin and rifle through them with his hands to find one that is more to his liking.

Me: “Don’t do that! You’re getting them all dirty!”

Coworker: “I wanted one with the most chocolate chips!”

Me: “Yes, but I know you don’t wash your hands after using the restroom, so now all those cookies are ruined.”

Everyone within earshot pauses and looks at this coworker with disgust in their eyes.

Coworker: “What the f***?! Why would you say that out loud like that?”

Me: “I thought no one cared? Get over yourself.”

There was a small Human Resources meeting. I told my side of the story, and the guy was “strongly encouraged” to maintain office hygiene etiquette. Whether he washed his hands or not after that, no one knew, but everyone avoided him all the same, so the damage was done. All it takes is one instance of not washing your hands to get a reputation, so don’t risk it!

I had terrible morning sickness at the beginning of my pregnancy. My boss sent me home one day for being (very obviously) sick. When I came in the next day, she wouldn’t let me clock in because I needed to be “symptom-free from GI illness for at least twenty-four hours” before I could come back to work. I had to admit I was pregnant so I could clock in.

The first words out of her mouth were:

Boss: “Are you going to keep it?”

I couldn’t believe she said that, but for some reason, Human Resources could. Within days, she was gone, and funnily enough, I felt way better after that.

My coworker either has memory issues or just doesn’t listen. Either way, when I get frustrated because I have to repeat myself again and again, SHE is the victim of MY attitude. I’ve had many conversations with Human Resources, and despite them telling her to stop asking the same questions over and over, it continues.

This conversation occurred on the FOURTH day she had been asking for a specific delivery. She asked about the package, I told her it wasn’t here, she walked away. Wash, rinse, and repeat a few hours later.

Coworker: *Coming out of her office* “Hey, did you get that delivery I told you about?”

Me: “The tracking says it will be here tomorrow.”

Coworker: “Okay, so it’s not here yet?”

Me: “No, not yet.”

Coworker: “Oh. Well, where is it?”

Me: “Um… looks like [City].”

Coworker: “Oh. Okay. So it will be here tomorrow.”

Me: “According to the tracker.”

I set her up to receive notifications about the delivery via text messages so she didn’t have to come ask me again. Right as I was leaving for lunch, she came by again.

Coworker: “Hey, did you get that delivery?”

Me: “No, it’s still not being delivered until tomorrow. Did you get a text that says it’s here?”

Coworker: “No. Well, what happened? You said it would be here today.”

Me: “No, I said tomorrow.”

Coworker: “I would swear you said today.”

Me: “Nope, tomorrow. Remember I said it was in [City]?”

Coworker: “Yeah, so it should be here today.”

Me: “The tracker says tomorrow. It’s not here yet. I can send you a message or come get you when it’s here so you don’t have to follow up. You also have access to the tracker from those text notifications.”

Coworker: *Annoyed* “Well, it should be here!”

Me: “No, not until tomorrow.”

She stomped off. By the end of the day, her delivery had (obviously) not arrived. I was heading toward the exit when she stopped me again.

Coworker: “Did my delivery ever show up?”

Me: *Trying to hide my annoyance* “No. It is not here.”

Coworker: “Well, you said—”

Me: “I said it was in [City]. It is not here. It is not going to be here until tomorrow. When it arrives, I will tell you.”

Coworker: “Okay! You don’t have to get an attitude about it. I’m just wondering.”

Me: “You have asked me three times today. I told you I would let you know when it arrives. Please stop asking. When it gets here, you will know.”

[Coworker] walked away in a huff. I knew I would be starting tomorrow with a Human Resources conversation, but I didn’t care anymore.

One of my coworkers got [contagious illness] and milked it for all he could.

Coworker: “I can’t come in today. I can’t walk up the stairs in my house.”

Another day:

Coworker: “I have to go home.”

Manager: “It’s midday.”

Coworker: “I can’t breathe properly.”

He must have absolutely forgotten that he had about 80% of our workforce on social media because he posted multiple pictures of himself on sick days climbing various hills and mountains.

My manager called him.

Manager: “How are you feeling today?”

Pause.

Manager: “You can hardly breathe? I can imagine it’s hard to breathe up in the mountains where you said you were on Instagram half an hour ago.”

Pause.

Manager: “Oh, is that so? Well… I’ll see you when you ‘feel better’.”

[Manager] hung up.

Us: “What did he say?”

Manager: “He said, ‘I have good and bad days.'”

He walked over to a Human Resources filing cabinet and retrieved a termination form.

Manager: “When he comes back, he’s going to have another one of those bad days…”