Rushing Into Irony

, , , , , | Right | December 19, 2018

(I am consistently one of the fastest cashiers, as the store tracks our scanning speeds. During a very busy Sunday afternoon the lines at the registers are long and I am checking customers out very quickly to try and get the lines down. A customer waiting in my line gets my attention.)

Customer #1: “Excuse me!  EXCUSE ME?!”

Me: *as I am quickly working on scanning the current customer’s groceries* “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer #1: “Can you hurry up?! I am in a rush here!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am! I am going as quickly as I can. I will be with you in just a moment.”

(I finish up with the customers in front of her and now it is her turn.)

Customer #1: *very rudely* “Make it quick, I have to get going!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *I scan her groceries as fast as I possibly can while she stands there watching me* “Okay, ma’am, your total today is [total].”

(At this point she sets her purse up on the counter and begins searching through it. Eventually she pulls out her checkbook and begins to write a check. She could have been filling out the check while I was scanning and bagging her groceries if she was in such a hurry. At this point her groceries are all bagged and ready and we are waiting on her as she SLOWLY fills out her personal check. It takes her longer to write the check than it took me to scan and bag her entire order. Finally she hands me the check.)

Me: *I process the payment; it goes through* “Thank you, ma’am. You have a good day!”

(As the lines are still long I immediately begin scanning the next customer’s groceries. The customer who was in a rush is still standing in the same location now writing in her checkbook, I assume balancing it. She takes so long to do so I have now scanned, bagged, and finished checking out the customer behind her. However, as it is busy and the registers are very close together, [Customer #2] is now waiting on the first customer to move out of the way so she can get her items and leave. I begin scanning yet the next customer’s groceries. As I am scanning….)

Customer #2: *patiently waits a few moments but clearly wants to get by [Customer #1] and leave* “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: *ignores her, continues to write in her checkbook*

([Customer #2] waits a few more moments and is getting more impatient to get by and leave. By this time I am just about done with [Customer #3].)

Customer #2: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Customer #1: *finally looks up* “WHAT?!”

Customer #2: “Can you move out of the way so we can get by?!”

Customer #1: *very angry and flustered* “FINE! Why is everyone always in such a d*** rush?!”

([Customer #3] and I looked at each other and started laughing as he had seen and heard all of this too. [Customer #1] gave us dirty looks and finally left, allowing [Customer #2] to get by.)

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These Are Some Pie In The Sky Questions

, , , , | Right | December 16, 2018

(I work at a popular bakery that only makes pies. These are some of our regular complaints and questions.)

Customer #1: “Do you sell cakes, cookies, or anything besides pie?”

Customer #2: “Does the banana pie have bananas?” *or* “Why does the banana pie have bananas in it?”

Customer #3: “Why is the apple pie sweet?”

Customer #4: “Can I get a strawberry pie with no seeds?”

Customer #5: “What is the difference between a whole pie and a slice?”

Customer #6: “Do you make a pecan pie with no pecans?”

Customer #7: “Do you make a cherry pie with no cherries?”

Customer #8: “Why do I have to buy a whole slice of pie? You should just give me a free sample, the same size as a slice.”

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Giving Them A Hard Pill To Swallow

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(I work at a retail pharmacy. I get a call from a patient.)

Customer: “I just came by the drive-thru, and you f****** idiots screwed up my prescription. This is completely wrong!

(I apologize profusely and confirm the medication she was supposed to pick up.)

Me: “You certainly did pick up the correct medication for yourself. What exactly was wrong with it?”

Customer: “Last time I got ninety pills, and this time I only got thirty! What kind of business are you running here?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that is a bit peculiar. Let me see why that was done.”

(I look up her prescription, which is a quantity of thirty with three refills.)

Me: “I see your doctor only prescribed a total of a hundred and twenty pills. On your preferences, you request ninety-day supplies. We did indeed fill it for ninety days previously, meaning only thirty were remaining on your prescription, which is what you received today. After this, you will need a new prescription from your doctor in order to get a ninety-day supply. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

Customer: “No f****** way. You guys f****** shorted me. I’m going over soon, and you guys had better give me my d*** pills. I know you offer that service, since y’all are f****** useless.”

Me: “Ma’am, we did not short you. You were meant to get thirty pills. You don’t have enough pills on your prescription to fill for ninety. I can send a refill request fax to your doctor, and perhaps she can approve for more. If it’s within seven days, we can reimburse you and get you ninety days when it’s approved.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Seriously?! What the f*** am I supposed to do without my medication?! I need this stuff to live. Just give me my f****** pills.”

(I am going around in circles, so I cut her off.)

Me: “No. I’m sorry, I cannot invent a new prescription and give you pills you do not have. You have no refills. Zero. You have thirty days’ worth you just picked up, and thirty entire days to get more. I can get you my pharmacy manager if you want a second opinion.”

(I put her on hold before she could protest or swear at me anymore, and the pharmacist who had been listening to her in disbelief picked up the call. The customer hung up, and we thankfully haven’t heard from her since.)

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You Gauge While I Rage

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 26, 2018

Shortly after I graduate from college, I’m working part-time in retail. I apply for a full-time event photographer’s position online and receive a call back. I’ve had several other interviews that didn’t pan out recently, so I quickly agree, despite the location in question being over an hour-and-a-half drive away, when the position listing had said it was more local. They inform me that they have multiple candidates to interview that day, and would like to meet on neutral grounds in a chain coffee shop.

Being a bit paranoid about traffic and not knowing the area well, I arrive early on the day and read in my car while I wait. About five minutes before my appointed time, I head into the coffee shop. The interviewer is clearly in view, with a laptop and large drink in front of her, and a small placard with her name on it like you’d see on someone’s desk in reception.

I walk up to introduce myself, and she points vaguely behind her without even looking up to see who I am, and informs me that there are two interviews ahead of mine, so I’ll have to wait.

A bit annoyed now that I was paranoid about being so early, I sit down. After half an hour, none of the interviews have started, and staff have pointedly come by to wipe my table down twice, so I get up and order a cold drink. After another fifteen minutes, the interviewer calls all three of us to her table and says we’ll just do some of the interview all together, to save time. She waits until we’re seated, turns her laptop around, and a video starts playing.

I can feel the other two candidates deflating next to me as the video plays: the job listing advertised for a professional event photographer for a new company, but is actually just a newly named branch of a well-known yearbook photography company, who has decided to expand into the market of preschools.

The video is all about their ideal candidate:

“Good with kids!” “Cheerful and punctual!” “Willing to go above and beyond!” “No photography experience necessary!”

The more we hear, the worse it gets compared to the original listing, and the more it sounds like a scam. They don’t compensate for driving time. They don’t compensate for set-up time. There’s a fee that acts as a deposit on the equipment that we apparently have to pay before we start. They pay a flat rate per school no matter how many kids, or how much time it takes. So on and so forth.

After we watch the video, we split up again for individual interviews. By the time it’s my turn, I’ve been at the location for roughly two hours, in addition to the drive to get there. By now, I’m considering whether to leave or stick it out. I decide to finish the interview, and do my best throughout, because a full-time position might still be better than my current job, even if it isn’t what I’d expected it to be. I put genuine effort into the interview, though the interviewer seems distracted and keeps looking down at her watch as we talk.

Towards the end of the roughly fifteen-minute interview, she asks if I have any questions, and I give the usual responses:

“What kind of training do they provide if experience isn’t necessary?” “What kind of equipment do they use?” “What is the deposit fee like?” “Are we expected to do retouching, or just straight photos?” “When can I expect to hear back about this interview, and when would I be expected to start if I receive an offer?”

She glosses over most of the questions, but sticks on the last one. Her expression changes entirely and she finally looks me in the face and says, “I don’t know why each of you has asked that. We’re not even hiring for the new school year yet. This was just to gauge the market.”

And suddenly I feel like screaming. I’m pretty sure my face turns bright red from holding in that sudden surge of absolute humiliated rage. I say that’s all I have, thank her for her time, and shake her hand. I then march straight to my car with my portfolio. By the time I leave, rush hour is starting, and the drive home takes two hours. The minute I get in the door, I find the nearest couch cushion, and finally scream into it.

I’ve never received a call about the interview, and even if I had, I think I’d have told them quite politely to shove the offer up their a**es.

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Don’t Want Any Prize You Could Offer

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(While I’m employed by a well-known grocery store, I work in a specific department that is only associated with the store by contract. I have the store name tag, but my uniform is red instead of the usual blue. Despite this, I have memorized where the “popular” items are — bread, milk, eggs, etc. I’m on break, looking at bathroom accessories I might want in my new apartment.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Can you tell me where the deodorant is?”

(Despite not knowing the exact aisle, I know generally where it is.)

Me: “Certainly! It’s—”

Customer: *makes a loud buzzing sound, like a wrong-answer buzzer on a game show* “Too slow! You lose! You could have won a wonderful prize! But now I have to find it by myself, since you don’t know!” *wanders off*

(I’m stunned into silence. A coworker walks over, having heard the whole transaction. He raises an eyebrow in question.)

Me: *mystified* “I work in the cheese department….”

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