The Title Writer Had To Go Calm Down After Reading This One

, , , , , , | Related | April 17, 2019

(My sister and her husband live in Houston. The only way for us or her in-laws to get there in a reasonable amount of time is by taking the interstate. This interstate is mostly two lanes each way and has a speed limit of 75 mph, though etiquette is to go 80 to 85. Even the small-town cops generally won’t pull people over for going less than 10 over. It’s also considered rude to drive in the left lane if you’re not passing someone or at least going fairly fast, and there are signs everywhere saying, “Left lane for passing only.” Pretty much everyone who’s driven on that road more than once knows this, especially life-long residents like my family and my sister’s in-laws. At one point, we are all hanging out and the topic of the drive there comes up, and my sister’s mother-in-law drops this gem:)

Sister’s MIL: “With all the people entering and exiting the highway, I just go 60 and drive in the left lane.”

(I almost called her out on it but didn’t want to start drama when she obviously didn’t care about how her behavior was affecting other drivers. She isn’t even some little old, “Driving Miss Daisy” type; she’s only in her 50s.)

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Unfiltered Story #144733

, , , | Unfiltered | March 24, 2019

I work for a very busy bakery where we make pies with fresh fruit and cream.
This the most irate customer that I have ever had.
Customer: I need to talk to the manager there is something wrong with my pie
Cashier: I can help you – what seems to be the problem?
Customer: “no you have no say here- i know you, you are just a flunky, get me the manager”
I am the manager and I walk up as she is hassling my cashier
Me: Hello I am the manager- what seems to be the problem with your pie?
Customer: I bought this pie 3 days ago- (proceeds to show me and pie tin with one small slice of pie left) this Banana pie is horrible- it has a ton of bananas in it and now they are all brown!
Me: “..excuse me ma’am? are you complaining because the FRESH Banana pie has bananas or because the bananas got brown?”
Customer: “Both! you incompetent moron! Banana pie doesn’t have bananas in it! and if it did they would not turn brown!
Me: “Ma’am- we make fresh banana pie with fresh bananas-  and we absolutely do not add any preservatives to our pies. On the menu it clearly says the banana pie is a “24 hour pie”, and all my cashiers also mention it every time. Fresh bananas turn brown once you peel them, the pudding and whipped cream keeps them from browning for about 24 hours but after that they will get brown. Further more, you seem to have enjoyed eating most of the pie.”
Customer: “You are an idiot! I don’t understand how you can run a business where you lie to customer and treat them like second class citizens! I have eaten 100s banana pies- the kind you keep in the freezer (national frozen brand)- they never have bananas in them! And my bananas NEVER and I MEAN NEVER get brown! I want my money back, a new pie and an apology from you- just because…..because….you are a moron b***h!”
By this time we have several people waiting in line looking floored at her screaming and one of the cashier hands me a small note that says “RRX” our code for repeat complainers who are looking for free pie
Me: “Ma’am- First of all, please don’t call me names i am trying to help you. Second we are NOT (national bran), we do not freeze any of our pies, AND if you have “magic bananas” that never turn brown- please let me know where to buy them- I would love to have them.
You already ate most of the pie- 90% of it- so some one in your house liked the pie and you are looking to get more free pie- you like the pies and want more but don’t want to pay for them, that is stealing.
I also remember you from last month, when you had the same complain. You have had our banana pie before and I remember telling you the same thing.
I will not be giving you a refund or a free pie at this pie and I ask that you leave,  we do not appreciate you calling me or my employees names”
Customer: “You F****ing B***h- you give me some free pie or I will crucify you on your reviews! The customer is always right! Banana pie DOES NOT  have bananas and bananas DO NOT TURN BROWN! Moron! give me a f***ing pie!
I am totally blown away by her behavior and the other customers have bunched up away from her by the door, I am really starting to get angry but hold it together for the sake of the other customers.
Me: Ma’am please leave- you are not getting any pie, free or otherwise. Please buy your dessert somewhere else, we have other customers”
Customer: “B***h please, I am calling the cops on you for robbing me!”
She storms out and proceeds to rant and rave in our parking lot on her phone for the next 15 minutes. She is yelling at customers and screaming profanities into the air when the police show up. I walk outside to talk to them.
Customer: Points at me- “her, her, that b***h, she robbed me, she tried to poison me, my banana pie has F***ING BANANAS IN IT! You arrest her right now!
At this point I just can’t hold it together any more- the officer looks at me and rolls his eyes- I burst out laughing and so does the officer. The customer jumps  in her car still screaming and drives away.
Turns out – she was having an episode and was off her medication, her husband came in the next day, apologized for her and bought 2 banana pies.
Sadly we get complains about bananas in the banana pie at least once a month!

He’s Talking A Totally Different Ball Game

, , , , | Right | March 14, 2019

(I’m in a store I don’t technically work for, but I am counting their inventory. I’m near the candy aisle. Customers love to think that I actually work for the store, and since I know certain aspects well, I will generally help them out.)

Customer: “You guys don’t have malted milk balls here?”

Me: “If you look, there’s either Maltesers or Whoppers in this aisle.” *thinking: they are essentially malted milk balls, just with brand names*

Customer: *is not having what I just suggested* “Nope, nope. You guys don’t have malted milk balls, and they are so good.”

(Well, you can’t help everyone.)

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A Sample Of Why I No Longer Work In A Restaurant

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2019

I work at a restaurant where we have three margarita machines. We have thirteen-ounce glasses as well as three-ounce sample cups that we sometimes fill with an ounce or so to let people try the margaritas. This customer comes up and asks for a sample of both the regular and the strawberry.

A month or more before this, she asked for the same thing and asked me to fill the sample cups all the way to the top for each one. I have forgotten about this customer since then, so this day, I do the same thing I always do — and to every single other customer ever — and I give her a standard one- to one-and-a-half-ounce sample of each one.

What does she do? As I place them down in front of her, she brushes them off to the side of the counter with a sweep of her arm and walks off. Ten minutes later, I get in trouble with my manager for being “rude” to this customer.

Cut to a year later, and even though the manager who talked to her — and apparently was friends with her — works at another restaurant, I still have to give this lady three-ounce samples when she comes in. Normally, this wouldn’t be an issue, but it does irk me that she not only gets these two samples, but she asks her server for two more samples after that, sometimes more! Doing the math, that is four samples consisting of three ounces each, making it twelve ounces, which is basically a free margarita. The purpose of the samples is so you can decide if you want to BUY one, yet she buys maybe ONE a month, and this woman comes in three times a week or more! She is also, reportedly, a horrible tipper. On top of that, she gets people in trouble and makes racist comments.

Customer: “Are you going to give me my samples today?”

Me: “Yes, no problem.” *makes them* “Here you go.”

Customer: “Are you going to be nice to me today?”

(I can’t think of anything nice to say, so I just smile at the woman.)

Customer: *huffs* “That’s what I thought.”

(She walks away and I then rip her head off in my mind.)

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Be Careful Driving In Margaritaville

, , , , , | Right | March 3, 2019

(A customer is making an order at our restaurant. At the end, he says:)

Customer: “Can I get a regular and a strawberry margarita?”

Me: “Sure.” *writes it down on his ticket* “Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “No, and I want it to go.”

Me: “All right, and your name?”

(He gives his name.)

Me: “Okay, I’ll make your margaritas, and then you can have a seat while they start on your order. Can I see your ID?”

(He shows it.)

Me: “And who’s the other margarita for?”

Customer: “My wife.”

Me: “All right, I might need to see her ID, as well.”

Customer: “She’s at the house.”

Me: “Oh. Is she on her way?”

Customer: “No, I’m bringing the margaritas to go.”

(I’ve had a lot of people get drinks while they wait for a to-go order, but usually they don’t order one for someone who isn’t there, you see. They’re smarter than that.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t make margaritas to go.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “I can’t make alcoholic drinks to go.”

Customer: “Oh… Why not?”

Me: “Because you can’t drink and drive? And then we could be held liable.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.” *leaves the store*


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