(It’s late at night, right before closing, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Auto Parts Store]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I bought a car stereo from you all a few months ago, and I didn’t really like it so I gave it to my son.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Well, he didn’t like it either, so he gave it to our neighbors across the street.”

Me: “Okay…?”

Caller: “They put it in their car and right now it’s sitting in their driveway with the doors open and they’re playing their music really loud!”

Me: “Yes… Well, what do you want me to do?”

Caller: “I need you to come over here and tell them to turn it down!”

Customer: “Excuse me, but are all of these things real?”

Me: “Sorry, are you talking about the artifacts on my cart? Some of these are replicas, because the real things are too breakable to touch.”

Customer: “No, I mean the exhibit.” *points to the dinosaur exhibit*

Me: “Dinosaurs did exist millions of years ago beginning in the Triassic Period, but about 65 million years ago the dinosaurs went extinct.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I thought the museum was making it up to attract visitors.”

Me: “This is [Hardware Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys carry an Asus [followed by a long string of abbreviations and numbers] Sound Card?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: *repeats*

Me: “What is that used for?”

Caller: “So you can get sound from your speakers.”

Me: “Like on a computer?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Wrong kind of hardware, buddy.”