Playing Hunger Games With You

, , , , | Working | November 10, 2017

(I’m at a food court in an airport with my brothers. It is late at night, and I’m really hungry and the place is kind of busy.)

Worker: “[My order number].”

(I am about to get it when:)

Worker: “Just kidding!”

(Apparently I was giving the guy a pretty intense glare, which I was told to stop doing by my brothers.)

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H2-Slow, Part 17

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2017

(I work customer service for a water company.)

Customer: “I noticed one of your company trucks passed by our subdivision. Is my water on?

Me: “Turn your faucet on to see if you have water.”

Customer: “Oh, my God, thank you so much. I’m so embarrassed.”

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The Conversation Was Already Dead

, , , | Working | September 20, 2017

(It is the end of a very long day; I’m already running on fumes, as I have just come back from volunteering. My best friend and I are walking around the mall, trying to kill some time, when a kiosk attendant for hair care products tries to stop me. Note: I’m wearing scrubs, due to where I have been volunteering.)

Attendant: “Hi!” *sees my scrubs* “Oh, are you a nurse?”

Me: *panicking, since I have to give an answer that isn’t just “no, thanks”* “No, I, uh, I embalm dead people.”

(I quickly walked away. And yes, I do!)

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Weirdness Is Reaching Boiling Point

, , , , | Friendly | June 28, 2017

Friend: “So [Friend #2] was over earlier and was boiling water on the stove on the highest setting… Who boils water on high?!”

Me: “Uhh… everybody?”

Friend: “What?! No. You’re supposed to boil water on medium to medium-high heat!”

Me: “Why? It’s just going to take longer.”

Friend: “No, seriously. I read the instructions when I bought the pot and it said not to use the highest heat setting.”

Me: *teasing* “Look at you, reading instructions!”

Friend: “Who doesn’t read instructions?! Everybody reads instructions!”

Me: “But on a pot?”

Friend: “I wanted to know how to take care of it so I could get the most use out of it!”

Me: “I hate to break it to you, but you’re the weird one here.”

Friend: “Hey! I’m not the only person who boils water that way!”

Me: “Yeah, but it’s just you and other weirdos. I accept you and your weird ways for what they are, but you’re still weird.”

Friend: “I’m not weird!”

(Yes, she is.)

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The Competition Is Soft

, , , , | Related | June 24, 2017

(I’m playing a competitive multi-player online game on my laptop. My nephew, eight to nine years old, shows up and decides to watch me. He’s at the age where he’s earnestly trying to play well, but doesn’t.)

Nephew: “Can I play?”

Me: “No. This game is too hard for you.” *as in too difficult for someone his age*

Nephew: “Oh. Do you have a soft game?”

Me: “…”

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