Gravimetric Distortions On Aisle Four  

, , , , , , | Working | August 18, 2019

(I go to a farm supply store to get a bag of dog food. As the cashier is handing me my receipt, all of the change falls out of my wallet.)

Cashier: “Yeah, sorry, I spilled some gravity there and I guess I didn’t get it all cleaned up.”

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The Tide Pod Has Turned

, , , , , | Right | July 5, 2019

(I’m working drive-thru at a popular national ice cream chain. It’s a pretty slow day. There are only two teenage girls in the lobby when three teenage boys pull up to the drive-thru.)

Driver: “We’d like three—“ *mumbles* “—blizzards.”

Me: “Hot cocoa?”

Driver: “No, Tide pod blizzards.”

(It takes me a second to figure out what they are asking for and why, and then I decide to play along.)

Me: “Oh, Tide pod. What size?”

(One of the teenage girls looks over at me.)

Driver: “Medium. With extra detergent, please.”

Me: “That’ll be an extra $50; is that okay?”

(The two teenagers look really confused.)

Driver: “$50 extra? Okay.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $117.43.”

(The two girls look horrified.)

Me: “They were trying to pull a prank. Don’t worry; I’m not going to give them Tide pod blizzards.”

(The driver pulls up to the window.)

Driver: “$117.43, right?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The driver holds up a hundred and a twenty. I laugh.)

Me: “Okay, what do you really want?”

(They order, and before they pull away:)

Passenger: “We didn’t expect you to play along. It made it better.”

(They were the last customers of my shift and really made my day!)

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Careful… That Might Have Vanilla In It

, , , , , | Right | August 23, 2018

(I have just read back the customer’s seven-item order and told her the total.)

Customer: “Wait, does the strawberry malt have strawberries in it?”

Me: “Yes, the strawberry malt has strawberries in it.”

Customer: “Oh.” *pause* “Can I change it to vanilla?”

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