She Has Taken The Black

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I am a breakfast chef at a five-star hotel. We have a lot of North American customers who are unfamiliar with some popular European foods. A waiter draws my attention to an order they have just taken.)

Waiter: “Vegetarian breakfast with black pudding. I tried explaining but she just shoo-ed me away.”

(Black pudding is made from pigs’ blood.)

Me: “Do you want to check again, that she’s sure?”

(The waiter goes off to check again with the customer and returns a minute later.)

Waiter: “She’s sure. She ate it before and it was delicious. And she isn’t very happy at her order being questioned.”

Me: “I’ll just go and check.”

(I go to the customer’s table.)

Me: “Are you a vegetarian, ma’am?”

Guest: “Yes. Yes, I am.”

Me: “Are you aware of what black pudding is?”

Guest: “Look, I had it for the first time a few days ago and it was delicious. Now, just get me my d*** breakfast.”

Me: “Can I just explain…”

(I go into the full details of how black pudding is made, with the boiling of the pigs’ blood, the addition of oatmeal and diced pig fat, etc. I note the customer going greener and greener as the story goes on.)

Guest: “Actually, could I just have cereal and toast, please?”

Alpha Male Is O-Mega A**-Hole

| Belgium | Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working front desk at a mid-range hotel. In this hotel the front desk staff also runs the bar. A couple of business guests walk into the bar and take a seat. My colleague points one of them out for being a real a** at check-in. I clearly recognise the alpha male. This dude takes a seat and puts his feet on the table.)

Me: *kindly* “Sir, can you please remove your feet from the table?”

Alpha Male: “Nope. I paid to stay here, so I can put my feet wherever I like.”

Me: *irritated* “Well, sir, that’s twisted logic. I pay my road tax and car insurance every year, yet that doesn’t mean I can drive faster than the speed limit or park my car wherever I like. So, could you please remove your feet from the table?”

Alpha Male: *mumbles something I can’t understand but leaves his feet on the table*

Me: “Okay, sir, I can’t make you remove your feet from the table; however what I can do is refuse service. And since in that case your colleagues will probably order drinks for you, I’m refusing service to you and ALL of your colleagues.”

Alpha Male: *removes feet from table* “Your manager will hear about this in the morning!”

Me: “He will hear about what? Me teaching you some manners?”

(As far as I know, he never spoke to my manager.)

Riddles In The Dark Knight

| Asheville, NC, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I am a petite, late twenties woman; the guest is at least fifty years old, if not that young.)

Guest: “Riddle me this.”

Me: “Okay, Batman.”

(The guest stops and stares a moment:)

Guest: “Wow, if I wasn’t already married, I’d take you home…” *awkward pause* “…as my daughter!” *asks his question and leaves*

Me: *to coworker* “I’m sorta glad he added that last part, because that was really creepy!”