I was prescribed Tramadol for my sciatic pain a few years ago; the pain was so bad that I literally couldn’t get up, sit, or walk without it. I’d actually had to take a couple of weeks off work as my doctor and I were experimenting with less-potent drugs, but this was the only one that worked. On Tramadol, I was perfectly functional; off of it, I was bedridden.

I had to refill the prescription in another EU member state once, and they gave me trouble at the pharmacy, questioning the doctor’s choice of the drug. I had to explain to them that maybe they should just do their jobs and fill in the prescription since they weren’t my doctor.

Then, one day, I took a trip to Egypt. (The condition lasted almost a year before it cleared, and I couldn’t put my life on hold, so I tried to live a normal life in the meantime.) To my horror, I discovered that I had forgotten to pack enough pills, and I would be out of them soon. I also didn’t have a valid prescription with me. I thought I’d try my luck at the hotel pharmacy; maybe Egypt had different rules that could work in my favor this time?

I explained my situation to the pharmacist, and she immediately handed over a box of Tramadol and told me the price.

Me: *Happy but confused* “Wait. Isn’t this a prescription-only drug over here?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, it is!”

Me: “But I don’t have a prescription with me; that’s part of my problem!”

Pharmacist: “Yes, you do!”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Pharmacist: “We just wrote you one!”

Me: “But don’t you need a doctor for that?!”

Pharmacist: “See that gentleman in the lab coat sitting over there? He’s our doctor. He just wrote you a prescription.”

The hotel pharmacy actually employed a doctor who’d write prescriptions for hotel guests! There’s probably a ton of stuff wrong with this setup, but it certainly saved my butt this time, so the last thing on my mind was to complain.

It’s been a slow week at our hotel so, naturally, the night audit shift had to drum up some excitement for us.

Around midnight on December 3, a guest arrived and checked into room 312. According to Night Audit, [Guest] wasn’t in the room for more than five minutes before coming back to the desk and requesting a different one due to insects in the bathroom. No big deal; he was moved to room 404, and with new keys in hand, [Guest] went on his way.

Now, mid-morning on December 4, housekeeping comes along to talk to me.

Housekeeping: “Is room 312 going to be a stayover? The room has a ton of stuff in it, but it’s marked as ‘vacant, dirty’ on our boards.”

I check, and no one is registered to the room; the only name on our transferred rooms list is [Guest] from the night before.

So, I try to contact [Guest]. I pull up his information, and the phone number listed is invalid. No one else has been checked into the room since November 30, so I decide to lock him out so that he has to come to the desk. He eventually does, again on the night audit shift, and says no, he doesn’t have any belongings in 312, only 404. So, the night audit worker gives him a new key to 404 and waits for someone to come along asking for a key to 312.

No one ever comes.

Now, it is December 5, and there are still belongings in both rooms, with no one registered to 312. Management goes up to 312 to take a look at the stuff and… [Guest]’s name is all over everything — laptop, TSA luggage tag, Chrome Nest, military dressings, etc.

In 404, there’s still a whole set of belongings and clothes for what seems to be an entirely separate party, but [Guest] INSISTS that he is in 404. [Guest] also happens to be a local guest, living about half an hour away, so we’re all confused as to why he has a room in the first place, let alone two rooms, instead of just going home.

By this point, management thinks either this guy is going crazy or trying to scam us. (Personally, I think it’s the latter.) But why lie about something so easily disproven? When your name is literally on the stuff you claim isn’t yours? We’ve waited two days now to see if someone else had arrived and somehow never registered in the system, but no one has shown up claiming the room.

Now, if it was up to me, I would move all of the very expensive equipment and belongings out of 312 into the general manager’s office and wait for either [Guest] to freak out that someone “stole his stuff” or… well, who knows?

My general manager finally sends a message to the email on [Guest]’s reservation, and [Guest] calls back promptly. I answer.

Guest: “I am in room 312. I have not had any issues in that room, nor have I ever been in room 404!”

I transferred him to [General Manager] to hear it firsthand.

So now, we’ve changed the reservation back to room 312, and [Guest] will have to return to the desk to get his keys and show his ID.

As for the mystery individual/belongings in 404, our night audit worker couldn’t have done her job properly by IDing him last night after we locked him out. Either that or we somehow have two Mr. [Guest’s Last Name]s staying the same night, and unless they have the exact same first name, none of this should have happened at all.

So, now, there are mystery belongings in 404 with no name and no one to contact. [General Manager] is investigating everyone registered in the system to try to figure out who, if any, of them may have somehow been moved into 404 without being changed in the system.

We clearly have some issues with this night audit worker not following proper procedures for check-ins, providing new keys, or room transfers. It’s a huge safety and security risk and, unfortunately, (somehow) this isn’t the first incident.

I work in a hotel. We have a full-time auditor who works strictly Sunday through Thursday nights. He steadfastly refuses to work Friday and Saturday. He’s retired Air Force and makes sure everyone he meets is aware of this. He never saw combat and never was in harm’s way. He was in administration or something of that nature. I digress.

The relief auditor works audit Friday and Saturday, and he comes back on Sunday from 3:00 to 11:00. Days off are Wednesday and Thursday.

Last year, [Relief Auditor] was looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with his family who live on the opposite coast. At the last minute, [Full-Time Auditor] insisted that he needed it off and practically bullied [Relief Auditor] into working.

Well, [Relief Auditor] decided to wait until this year to have Thanksgiving with his family. Sadly, his mother passed away in May. He also learned in September that his father has stage four inoperable lung cancer.

Unbelievably, again, [Full-Time Auditor] told [Relief Auditor] last week that his kids were flying in for Thanksgiving and he needed him to cover. [Relief Auditor] told him he would not.

He is rightfully resentful over last year and told the general manager that he was not going to work this year. [General Manager] approved and told him he’d take care of it, not to worry.

When [Relief Auditor] came in for the second shift, he was apprehensive about [Full-Time Auditor]. We were surprised to see [General Manager] come in to do audit.

Apparently, [Full-Time Auditor] told [General Manager] that he wanted off Thanksgiving. [General Manager] pointed out that he had used up his paid time off and reminded him of last year. He then told [General Manager] that he would quit if he didn’t get it off. [General Manager] told him goodbye.

I’m glad our [General Manager] stands up for principles!

It’s a busy morning at the hotel where I work, and the phone rings.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. How may I assist you?”

Man: “We just checked out of your hotel, and the lady who checked us in told us we would get our deposit back. When are we supposed to get it back?”

Me: “Since you’re checked out, the hotel has released your deposit. If you used a credit card, you should be seeing it returned very soon — sometime later today if you haven’t received it already. But if you used a debit card, it may take up to three to five business days to see the reflection of your balance.”

Man: “Oh, okay, I see. Hold on, my wife wants to talk.”

I hear jostling noises, and then a loud woman takes over.

Woman: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, FIVE DAYS?! I JUST WANTED TO KNOW HOW LONG YOUR CRAPPY HOTEL WAS PLANNING ON KEEPING MY FIFTY DOLLARS! I NEED YOU TO GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. When you checked out, the hotel already released your authorization. It’s up to your bank how fast you will see that deposit come back.”

Woman: “LOOK. FIVE BUSINESS DAYS IS UNACCEPTABLE! I AM ON A TRIP, AND I DIDN’T PLAN FOR ANY EXTRA FEES! YOU NEED TO GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since you’re already checked out, there’s nothing else I can do on my end to expedite the process. You should give your bank a call.”

Woman: “HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW WE CHECKED OUT?! WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE YOU RELEASED THE AUTHORIZATION?! I NEED YOU GUYS TO SEND ME MY MONEY BACK!”

Me: “You already told me you checked out. But I am happy to look at the reservation for you. What’s the last name?”

Woman: “THE LAST NAME IS [LAST NAME]”

I quickly look up the reservation. In departures, at the very top of the list, is the reservation for her last name, booked through an online travel agency. It says, “CHECKED OUT,” in bold letters.

Me: “Ah, yes, ma’am, you are indeed checked out. We released your authorization this morning. It’s up to the bank how soon you will see that deposit.”

Woman: “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIX THIS?!”

Me: “You should consider calling your bank.”

Woman: “WELL, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?! JUST LEAVE MY THREE KIDS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?!”

Me: “I’d imagine you should probably call your bank. They should be able to get it sorted out.”

Woman: “YOU NEED TO SEND ME MY MONEY BACK RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I have already explained this to you. There’s nothing we can do any further to get your $50 back to you any faster. If you are having trouble not seeing the authorization released any faster, you should talk to your bank as they are the ones still holding your funds.”

Woman: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Ah, I understand. Unfortunately, it’s my manager’s day off. I can transfer you to her voicemail if you would like?”

Woman: “NO, THAT ISN’T GOING TO WORK! I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO CALL MY BANK TO GET MY MONEY BACK! WE’RE NEVER RETURNING AGAIN!

Then, she hung up. (Thank God.)

First Deskians 1:15: “Poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine.”

Later, housekeeping told me that these very specific guests had also stolen two pillows — the ones that are $24.99 each.

One time, my family (except for Dad) was traveling and got caught in a nightmare of a storm in the mountains. With heavy freezing rain, slippery mountain roads, high winds, and almost zero visibility, driving conditions were very dangerous. My mother decided that she didn’t want to drive her six kids — ranging in age from toddler to mid-teens (me) — through that, even though we were only about a couple hours from our destination, so she pulled over at a little hotel as night came on. She did note the sign saying, “No pets,” but figured we could leave our half-grown dog in the car. (It was cold but not dangerously so.)

When the guy at the desk asked if we had any pets, my scrupulously honest mother admitted we did but said we’d leave him in the car. The guy still refused to give us a room because, quote, “he might bark”.

This vile excuse for a human being sent a mother and a half-dozen kids driving down steep mountain roads, at night, during a horrible storm, because he was afraid a puppy might bark.

It still ticks me off thirty years later.