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A Magnet For Stupidity

| Lancaster, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

(This happens to my coworker. At 6:30 am, a guest storms up to the front desk and throws down his key card.)

Guest: “My d*** key doesn’t work anymore! It won’t work on the front door, it won’t work on the back door, and it won’t work on my room door! It doesn’t work at all!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry about that, sir. I’ll remake it for you right now.”

Guest: “What the h*** is wrong with it? It worked last night!”

Coworker: “Did you happen to put it near your cell phone?”

Guest: “Yeah, I guess. But what does that have to do with anything?”

Coworker: “Well, sir, when you put the card too close to your phone, that can cause it to demagnetize.”

Guest: “What? That’s stupid! Why do you have such ridiculous keys? I should be able to put my key wherever I want!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but that’s just the way the keys are. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

Guest: “Well, too bad! I’m going to keep putting it by my phone! You’ll just have to make me a new one each day!”

(The guest grabs his new key and storms off. I’m not sure what he meant by “too bad,” since deliberately letting his key get decoded would only be an inconvenience for him, not us.)

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Mixing With Good Company

, | Hamilton, New Zealand | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Popular

(I’m training a new staff member on mixers that are common when a customer walks up.)

Customer: “Keep arguing. I’m just trying to decide what I want.”

Me: “We’re not arguing; I’m just instructing [Coworker] here on common mixers.”

Customer: “What ones are you having issue with?”

Coworker: *who has recently told me she gets very nervous when a customer approaches* “All of them, really.”

Me: “We were going over Black Russians and Vodka Lime and Sodas.”

Customer: “Right I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

(My coworker and I pause because we’re unsure if he is being serious or not.)

Customer: *in a cheerful tone* “That’s terrible service. Let’s try that again shall we?” *walks back a few paces and comes to the bar again* “I’ll have one Black Russian and one Vodka Lime and Soda.”

Coworker: “Okay, sir!” *looks at me, looking confused*

Me: *to customer* “Would you like ice with those?”

Customer: *to coworker* “You’re very good at throwing your voice. Let’s try it again. *repeats leaving and coming back and ordering drinks*

(My coworker went about pouring the drinks for him and then I talked her through how to charge them. The customer then also ordered a Stella and charged it all to his room. He then left the bar AND his two original drinks and went and sat with his friends. We ended up throwing the drinks out – turned out he just wanted to give my coworker a chance to practice. Since we charge $12 for a Black Russian and $9 for a Vodka Lime and Soda, this was no cheap drink he tossed!)

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My Carrot Top Complaint

| Savannah, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working as a server, checking in on guests who have already received their meal.)

Me: “Hey, how is everything?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, everything was good. Except…” *she points to an orange wedge in her fruit cup* “I do not like this carrot piece.”

Me: “Carrot? You mean orange?”

Customer: “Yes, it is orange! But it is still not a very good carrot!”

Me: “…I can’t argue that, ma’am.”

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Weather Through The Stupid Questions

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

(While at the reception desk, on a beautiful sunny day, I see a guest exit the adjacent hotel building, walk down the sidewalk, down the stairs, and across to enter the lobby.)

Guest: “So, what is the weather like today?”

Me: *leans over to look past the guest and out the window at the beautiful sunny day*

Guest: “Don’t do that!”

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Speedo On To The End Of The Call

| FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I work the overnight shift on the front desk. One night I get a call from an older gentleman that I, unfortunately, won’t soon forget.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’m thinking of making a reservation at your bed and breakfast but had a few questions.”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to answer any questions you may have, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and I travel a lot and we often stay at bed and breakfasts and I know that some have shared bathrooms. Is this the case for yours?”

Me: *thinking nothing of this as it is a fairly typical question* “I can assure you that each of our rooms has its own private bathroom.”

Caller: “I’m glad to hear this. You see, one time we were staying at a bed and breakfast that had shared bathrooms and my wife was taking a shower one morning and a gentleman entered while she was shaving her private parts. It was a bit embarrassing.

Me: *hoping this is some sort of prank call, but am unable to end it* “That can’t have been good. Well, you don’t have to worry about that happening here.”

Caller: “Well since he had already seen everything my wife just continued to finish up her shower as he went about his business. My other question is are speedos allowed to be worn on the beach?”

Me: *at this point the mental images have me wishing I could end calls, but am unable to* “As far as I am aware, you should be able to wear a speedo on the beach. I’ve heard nothing to the contrary.”

Caller: “Thank you very much for your help. I’ll talk it over with the wife and give you a call back.”

(It didn’t surprise me that they never called back.)

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