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Speedo On To The End Of The Call

| FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I work the overnight shift on the front desk. One night I get a call from an older gentleman that I, unfortunately, won’t soon forget.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotel]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’m thinking of making a reservation at your bed and breakfast but had a few questions.”

Me: “I’ll be more than happy to answer any questions you may have, sir.”

Caller: “My wife and I travel a lot and we often stay at bed and breakfasts and I know that some have shared bathrooms. Is this the case for yours?”

Me: *thinking nothing of this as it is a fairly typical question* “I can assure you that each of our rooms has its own private bathroom.”

Caller: “I’m glad to hear this. You see, one time we were staying at a bed and breakfast that had shared bathrooms and my wife was taking a shower one morning and a gentleman entered while she was shaving her private parts. It was a bit embarrassing.

Me: *hoping this is some sort of prank call, but am unable to end it* “That can’t have been good. Well, you don’t have to worry about that happening here.”

Caller: “Well since he had already seen everything my wife just continued to finish up her shower as he went about his business. My other question is are speedos allowed to be worn on the beach?”

Me: *at this point the mental images have me wishing I could end calls, but am unable to* “As far as I am aware, you should be able to wear a speedo on the beach. I’ve heard nothing to the contrary.”

Caller: “Thank you very much for your help. I’ll talk it over with the wife and give you a call back.”

(It didn’t surprise me that they never called back.)

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Which Is S’more Unlikely?

| BC, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(I work evenings at a four star hotel with a restaurant attached. We have gas fireplaces in every room. I am the only one left on shift but luckily for me the owner is there doing her monthly audit. The phone rings and I’m busy so she pick it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk, how may I help you?”

(I pause as I see her roll her eyes.)

Owner: “Yes, this is a manager speaking.” *a small amount of time passes and she looks completely dumbfounded* “I’m sorry, sir, could you repeat that, please?” *pause* “Unfortunately, sir, there is nothing I can do for you at this time. I will have maintenance come take a look in the morning.” *pause* “Sir, not only am I unable to do that but I won’t. I will have maintenance look at it in the morning and if there is damage you will be charged a compensation fee. Have a nice night.” *she hangs up the phone*

Me: “What was that about?”

Owner: “Some jack-a** got drunk and tried to make s’mores in the fireplace. His marshmallow melted to the glass and now he wants a complimentary dinner for the trouble.”

Me: “Wow. Still not the strangest thing I’ve heard this week.”

(As if on cue the phone rings again. She picks it up.)

Owner: “Front Desk.” *pause* “Yes, this is the owner speaking.”

(She pauses again and looks at the room number on the display.)

Owner: “PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I DRINK!” *she slams down the phone and looks at me* “How do you deal with this?”

Me: “Apparently the same way you do.”

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Go And Deep Clean Room 203

| Stony Brook, NY, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(My coworker and I work the front desk of a hotel.)

Coworker: *phone rings* “Hi, thank you for calling the [Hotel]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys have a lost and found?”

Coworker: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “Okay, good, because I stayed there the other night and lost my virginity in room 203…”

Coworker: *click*

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Suffers From Bad Timing

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Time, Transportation

(I work in a hotel that offers a complimentary shuttle to the local area from 7 am to 10 pm. At 6:30 in the evening a guest comes down to inquire about our service.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Guest: “What time does the seven o’clock shuttle leave?”

(After a brief moment of silence.)

Me: “The seven o’clock shuttle normally leaves at seven o’clock.”

Guest: “Okay, so that’s seven pm right?”

Me: “Yes. The seven o’clock shuttle leaves twice a day. One at seven am and the other at seven pm.”

Guest: “I thought your shuttle runs more than that.”

Me: “It does, but it would no longer be the seven o’clock shuttle. Instead it would be the eight or nine o’clock one depending on when it was leaving.”

Guest: “Oh, I see. I didn’t realize you had more than one shuttle.”

(I remained silent as the guest walked away.)

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 25

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Hotels & Lodging, Popular, Technology

(I work front desk at a hotel.)

Me: “Front desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Guest: “Yes, I was just wondering if you could maybe turn down the wifi?”

Me: “I’m sorry… Could you repeat your question?”

Guest: “Yeah, could you please turn the wifi down?”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to turn the wifi down? Are you having trouble connecting to the Internet?”

Guest: “No, I want it off!”

Me: “Well, I can’t turn it off; otherwise the other guests won’t have any Internet either.”

Guest: “Well, could you at least turn it down a bit, then?”

Me: “If you don’t want any Internet you can simply disconnect any devices you have from the wifi, but I can’t turn it down.”

Guest: *grunts and gives a deep sigh* “Okay, obviously you have no idea what wifi is.”

(The guest hangs up and a few hours later he comes up to the front desk and wants to check out a day early.)

Me: “Was there something wrong with the room that I could help you with?”

Guest: “Yeah, I want to get out of here because your d*** wifi is so strong! Maybe you should turn it down a bit so people can get some rest!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I really don’t understand what you mean.”

Guest: “I’m leaving because I have a headache! If you had just turned down the f***ing wifi like I asked my head wouldn’t hurt so much!”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

(The guest left in a rage and when I told my manager what had happened he laughed and agreed that he had no idea what was wrong with that guy.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 23
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 22

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